DISCONNECTIONS
by deetatarant
Summary: Chapter 47
1. Chapter 1

**IANTO**

Ianto sat on his bed. He was no longer certain of the time of day or what day of the week it was, let alone what month. He was still stuck on Tuesday. That Tuesday. The one that had started out like any other Tuesday or Monday or Friday for that matter. That Tuesday, the day his friends burnt, the day his lover became a machine, the day his life stopped as if caught in Amber. Every day since that Tuesday had been all consumed by fear and worry and the constant need to look over his shoulders. The need to actually remember to try and ingest some sustenance at least once a day and the need to become like a ghost, haunting the corridors of his place of work with coffee and quiet efficiency. It was as if someone had pulled the plug on his existence. Some one had...Lisa...the Cybermen...The Doctor...Torchwood.

Ianto sat on his bed, the one hadn't slept in since moving into this sparse flat. The one he hadn't even bothered to buy sheets for. He couldn't bear the thought of unpacking the ones he had once shared with her. The boxes were still in the lounge surrounding the ratty couch he had never sat on.

Ianto sat on his bed, actually it wasn't his bed. It belonged to his Polish Landlord who only accepted cash in hand. The flat was cheap and dirty because Ianto hadn't been able to afford anything nice. He hadn't needed anything nice, not for...However long it was.

How long had he been sitting there?

He had half considered pulling out his stopwatch and setting it off. Was that slightly mad? Perhaps a little sick counting the minutes away where he would have to be alone with the ticking. Alone, that's all it amounted to now.

He sat there, still damp from when Lisa had thrown him aside like a doll. He stank of blood and sweat and he shivered with bone deep cold. There was no money to put in the electric metre ergo no heat to warm himself or run a hot bath.

He had no inclination to move. He had no inclination to anything but sit, his hands at his sides shaking against the mattress. There was a patch of damp on the papered wall in front of him, it was mottled and grey with black specs. There was enough light around him to see. Not night then...sometimes it was hard to tell with the street lamp straight outside the window, but Ianto had never slept here. The damp patch was...well what else was there to look at?

Jack cursed colourfully when he realised that he did not have a spare key to Ianto Jones' flat. It wasn't the nicest address in Cardiff and he searched through the SUV glove box for the skeleton keys, hoping that they weren't at the Hub. He'd been trying for two days to get Ianto answer his mobile and then his door, truth was Jack was fully expecting to find a corpse when he got into the flat. What he found was infinitely more disturbing.

He was reminded of one of those 'living statues' in the city centre, but what was worse was the obvious fact that Ianto hadn't moved since Jack had sat him on the edge of that bed two days previously. The boy was breathing so shallowly that Jack wondered if he was inhaling anything at all. His clothes stank of stale blood and damp and his skin was as cold and damp as his clothes. There was no colour in his smooth face save for the shadow of not having shaved his beautiful skin. It was beautiful, Jack knew full well. But this wraith like shadow before him was a terrifying sight to behold. More worrying still was the total lack of acknowledgement of his presence even when Jack rested the back of his hand to Ianto's cheek. Jack glanced around the tired looking dingy flat and touched the radiator it was cold too and then Jack tried the light switch. Ianto was certainly paid well enough in his job, had caring for Lisa really cost him this much? Jack then went into the kitchen and sighed when he discovered empty cupboards and fridge, not even any plates or cutlery.

He heaved out a guilty sigh. He really should have seen this. Striding back through the flat he went and sat at Ianto's side carefully taking his hand and engulfing it in both of his.

"Ianto." He whispered close to his ear hoping the sound and the feel of his warmer breath would rouse the young man from where ever he was.

"Ianto, please. It's Jack come back to me now." His lips brushed against his temple. Ianto shivered so faintly that Jack almost missed it.

"Sir?" It was a dry rasp rather than speech.

"Hey"

Jack got up and pulled off his great coat, warm with his own body heat he wrapped it over Ianto's narrow shoulders and he resumed his place.

"Ianto?"

A breath was shuddered in, eyes closed for a moment, then opened again, cold blue like the room and the life snuffed out of them.

"Mam?"

Jack hitched a breath.

"No, it's Jack."

"Where's Mam?"

"I don't know Ianto. Do you want me to contact her?"

A slight shake of the head. "She'll be so mad with me, look at the state of me. Tad made this suit specially. Rhia's going to be so cross...I made such mess." He trailed off into silence, lost in some happier memory Jack guessed. Jack just sat there and waited for a moment before speaking again.

"Ianto?"

"Yes Tad?"

"I'm not your Tad. It's Jack...I need you to come with me back to the Hub. It's cold here and you're gonna get sick if we don't sort you out."

Ianto looked at him, his first movement for... Jack wondered how long. Jack tried his best to offer up a smile and Ianto smiled back.

"I'm sorry Jack." He looked away again, back to the opposite wall.

"Sorry for what?" Jack wasn't ready for an apology.

"For surviving."

**GWEN**

Jack was gone. She was numb, having sat with him for all that time whilst he was 'dead', the heartless bastard had just upped and left. The emotions left in his wake were overwhelming. She felt betrayed in every sense of the word. Gwen had just assumed that Jack would always be there for her, would always love her and would always want her. Not only had she sat with him she had woken him up with a magical fairytale kiss and what did he do? He ran out on her, right after declaring his love for Ianto, right after pulling the terrified, fragile young man into his arms and pouring all of his love into a smouldering earth shattering meeting of lips. It had broken her, that moment of his rejection of her. It had broken Ianto when the realisation hit him that Jack had left them willingly and gone to another for more enigmatic man than he could ever be.

Gwen hated Jack right then, hated him for hurting them, hated herself for fantasising about him. He was a beautiful man, she had been drawn to him from the moment she had seen him, like a moth and he had burnt her, badly.

"Gwen love?" Rhy's soft tones filtered through. She looked down suddenly realising that he was on his knee at her feet, his face screwed up in agony.

"Oh, my God Rhys what is it?" She helped him awkwardly to the sofa and sat herself beside him unable to comprehend the look of disappointment on his face.

"Bloody back! Of all the times." He muttered trying to grin through his discomfort.

His face turned grey and Gwen started to panic. "Should I take you to hospital?"

Rhys shook his head. "In a minute love." He squirmed on the couch reaching for something out of his pocket. "I was tryin' to be romantic and all. Bugger, will you marry me Gwen?"

A small black box was plopped into her lap.

Gwen stared at it as her breath hitched in her throat. Rhys was grimacing. She picked up the box and opened it her eyes widening.

"Rhys!" She squealed, "Oh my God!" The ring was on her finger in an instant and her arms flung about his neck.

Time to grow up and be a real woman with a decent and faithful man at her side.

"Yes." She breathed into his ear.

Jack was gone, but she was determined not to set herself adrift. Torchwood needed her to be strong, to hold them together and she needed Rhys to hold her together. Time to let go and move on. She had known it would always be Rhys, deep down, it would always be him. Damn Jack Harkness and his pheromones and dangerously seductive life and damn him for breaking Ianto's heart because he sure as hell wasn't going to be allowed to break hers as well.


	2. Chapter 2

GWEN PULLED on the rather reluctant draw of the rusting filing cabinet. It screeched a protest and begrudgingly allowed itself to be yanked open. Gwen stepped back and wrinkled her nose at the offending smell that issued from it. She outstretched her hand and Ianto placed a can of air freshener into her grasp. Gwen let rip with the spray.

"I don't want to guess what's in there then." Ianto commented theatrically sniffing the air. "Eau de dead rodent by any chance?"

Gwen hadn't got as far as looking, she stepped back to get away from the stench and smiled at him.

"So Ianto how was your date with Jack?"

Ianto gave her his best blank look and Gwen grinned at him cheekily.

"Come on Ianto, spill."

He busied himself with the draw of the old cabinet in front of him.

"I don't know what you are talking about." He replied not wanting to look at her as he lied.

"Ianto Jones, no fibs and don't be shy, tell me."

Ianto glanced at her and smiled a little uneasily. "It was nice." He said quietly.

Gwen stood back arms folded looking slightly gob smacked. "That's it?"

Ianto shied away from her look. "It was amazing actually."

"And?"

"That's it."

"No details then?" She ventured acutely aware of how uncomfortable her companion was. Ianto shook his head.

"No juicy gossip?"

Ianto stopped what he was doing and looked straight at her. "I love him Gwen. It's taken both of us a long time to get this far and I really don't want to talk about it because it's between me and Jack. That's all."

Gwen was a little taken aback by his seriousness, but she persisted.

"Jack told me you boys had a great time."

Ianto smiled. "We did. What else did he tell you?"

"Nothing, he's as tight lipped as you are."

Ianto was quietly relieved. "How did you know we were going on a date?"

"Jack told me that he'd asked you. He was very happy about it. It's very sweet. I did wonder when you would finally sort things out together." Gwen smiled.

"You did?"

"Ianto, you were devastated when he left us. We could all see it. It's been obvious for ages how you feel about him and Jack definitely has a thing for you. I seem to remember you two snogging just before he disappeared on us."

Ianto gaped at her. "Yeah, that was quite a kiss." He looked distant for a moment. "What about you Gwen? Are you OK with it?"

Gwen reached out and rested her hand on his arm. "I am. I do love Jack and I am so happy for you two. The truth is I love Rhys more and he gives me the stability I need to cope with all this."

Ianto nodded understanding. "How's the wedding plans going?"

Gwen's face dropped. "Oh, you know, flowers, hotel, dresses and suddenly there are fifty relatives you've forgotten to invite."

"Sounds torturous." Ianto assured her.

Gwen broke into another grin. "It is. Don't get married Ianto."

"I can't see Jack ever asking me that!" He responded without thinking.

Gwen squeezed his arm. "Would you?"

Ianto looked away from her. "If he asked me? Yes I would. Like I said, I love him though I am not sure how or why. It's like everything makes sense to me when I am with him. I haven't felt that way since……" His voice trailed off as unbidden tears ran down his face. Ianto wiped them away on the back of his hand. "Shit…..sorry."

"Its ok. I'm sorry. All that stuff with Lisa was terrible I know."

Ianto sighed. "It was wrong Gwen. I should have let her die back in London instead of putting her through all that suffering and letting those people be killed."

"You were trying to save her. No one could fault you for that."

Ianto briefly met her look. "That's what Jack said when he asked me to come back to Torchwood. He understood, he always has."

Gwen smiled at him. "It's uncanny isn't it!"

Ianto had to agree. He looked back at Gwen. "I think it's wonderful, you and Rhys I mean. Hold on to him Gwen whatever you do because then we all know what we do this crazy fucked up work for. Don't let Torchwood get in the way."

"I'm lucky. Rhys puts up with a lot. I know he will always be there for me." She hesitated. "Ianto if you ever need to talk."

He smiled at her. "Thank you, but you know me I probably won't. I just find it easier to talk to Jack. No offence."

"None taken. But you know I am here. Jack can be difficult sometimes."

Ianto nodded knowing only too well. "I really need to get away from the smell down here. Fancy a coffee?"

"Best suggestion you've made all day."


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: BE WARNED OFFENSIVE LANGUAGE......**

**NOT STRONG ENOUGH**

Jack heaved out a long sigh and took a look around the empty Hub. He'd sent his team home the day before, to rest and recover themselves after the disasterous trip to BrynnBlaidd. Truth was he needed to recover himself. He had witnessed many terrible things in his life and it was always humans who were at the centre of it....always...everytime. How was it that one species was capable of so much love and so much compassion and yet be able to commit the worst atrocities imaginable. It made him shudder to think about it....no matter what era...humans were all the same. He found himself wondering, yet again what in Hell's name he was doing there on Earth trying to protect them. Ok, so he was waiting for his Doctor first and foremost....shit when is that man going to come? His rambling thoughts came to an abrupt freeze frame as he vividly recalled the beautiful Rose Tyler now lost at Canary Wharf and his gangling big eared doctor in his scruffy leather jacket with the most jarring northern accent imaginable. Jack sighed abandoning his cluttered desk laden with incomplete reports. He needed a roof. Pulling on his faithful great coat he headed out of the roller door locking up the base behind him as he went.

The British Gas building was always a good spot and George at reception let him in after Jack handed over a bottle of Jack Daniels and a box of chocolates for the old boy's wife. Jack had known them since the early sixties and George was a trustworthy soul. Pulling his coat tightly about him he stepped out through the fire escape into the blustery late evening air. It wasn't the best view from up here, but it would do, after all he just wanted the height and the fresh air. Jack strode purposefully in the direction of his favourite perch only to discover someone else was already seated there. Oh. Shit. Jack paused wondering if said person was about to drop themselves over the edge. Whoever it was remained seated hunched over a cigarette, with an arm wrapped about his slim body. Obviously a man judging from the gait and red hoodie. Jack took a couple of cautious paces forwards.

"It's OK I'm not about to jump." The Welsh accent was almost lost in the wind.

Jack frowned. It couldn't be, could it? "Ianto?"

"You got me."

Jack ambled over and sat himself down at the young man's side, more than a little surprised to see him smoking. Ianto sucked in a long drag and blew the smoke out away from Jack.

"Of all the roof tops in Cardiff you have to pick mine." Another drag.

Jack was at a loss for a moment as he looked to the clouded darkening horizon. "You know that's bad for you right?"

"Filleting is not much better either but I had a good go at that this morning too." He outstretched a freshly bandaged arm. "I tried ending it....saw the blood and rang for an ambulance. How pathetic is that?!"

"Jeez Ianto....So what you thought you'd thought to try the roof instead?" Jack wasn't in the mood for a confessional; he had come here to think.

Ianto shrugged and threw the fag butt over the edge. "I'm too weak to even do that."

"So why come here?"

"You don't have exclusive rights to the need to think you know."

How does he know? Jack winced....This was Ianto of course he would know...Too well most likely.

"Penny for them?"

Ianto offered up a brief glance and Jack caught sight of the blackened bruises on his beautiful face....Yes beautiful, Ianto was definitely that.

"I came here because I have no one to talk to Jack."

"Not, sir, then?"

Ianto shook his head. "Not here.....Humanity sucks....We're a waste of space, you know that right?"

Jack couldn't argue with him. "Sometimes."

"So why do you stay? Why do you do what you do for us?"

"You make it sound like I don't belong." Jack responded uneasily.

Ianto met his look with keen eyes. "I know you don't...I've read through the archives Jack....know your enemy."

Jack sighed. "Is that how you see me?"

"Not any more....So, why do you stay?"

Jack returned his gaze to the dusking sky and shivered at the chill in the breeze. "I have nowhere else to go. You?"

"Ditto."

Ianto pulled out another cigarette and lit it with shaking hands. "I ran up 24 flights of stairs to get to Lisa. When I got into her office I found her with two of her colleagues. She'd been waiting for me....It was our agreement...If there was ever any trouble she'd wait and I'd find her. Simon and Cath waited too. We were just heading out and I turned round to see her friends blown apart by an explosion...The Daleks had shot through the windows . They were ripped to pieces and bits of them landed on me and Lisa. I could taste their blood on lips as it ran down my face. We were too stunned to move and then the Cybermen took us and put us in a line with some others. I was the last one. We could see it...The conversion machines at work...people screaming as they were...well you get the idea. I had to watch as they...as they...Lisa. I had to watch and we just kept looking at each other as she cried with the pain. Then everything just stopped and they went away. I was the last in the line....It could have been the other way round and she'd be ok right now....There's no one I can tell, so I come here and each time I do I get closer to the edge and now I realise all those people....my friends...yep I actually had friends once. They died and those fucking cunts in that village get to live."

Jack noted the appearance of a bottle of scotch and watched worriedly as the young man took a long draught before passing the bottle to his boss.

"I'm not strong enough. I just want to break down and weep and I am not strong to even do that and to let go of my sadness. It's the only thing keeping me alive, if that's living at all."

Jack took a swallow of the whiskey. "It's living of a sort." No comfort though.

"Is this....are we worth it Jack?"

"The very fact that you are asking that question gives me hope Ianto....Yes, you are worth it. I have a friend who watches over this planet and he certainly believes that you are."

Ianto smiled. "Why aren't you with him?"

"What makes you think I want to be?"

Ianto reached back for the bottle. "Your eyes light up when you speak of him, like you love him."

Jack nodded. "Yep, I guess I do, but not in the way that you think...Believe it or not there are some people I've met that I haven't slept with."

"So, why aren't you with him?"

The light died. "He abandoned me." Jack shivered, it was cold and he wondered how on Earth Ianto wasn't freezing.

"So, we're both alone then." Ianto took another deep draught from the bottle.

"Hardly a revelation."

Ianto hissed as she shifted position and Jack threw him a worried look. "You shouldn't be out here. Owen'll have your arse if you get sick as well as having those busted ribs."

"I'd like to see him try."

Jack cautiously reached and grasped Ianto's hand interlacing their fingers. Ianto automatically relaxed into the hold on his hand the unfamiliar gesture a guilty comfort he wanted to cling to. It had been so long since anyone had held him.

"Come on I'll drive you home."

Ianto shook his head. "I'd rather stay here. I need to be alone Jack."

"Can I trust you not to throw yourself over the edge?"

Ianto shrugged.

"Then I'll sit with you." His grip tightened and Ianto looked down at their hands.

"My hands are so small compared to yours."

Jack followed his gaze. "Strong though."

"Can we just sit in silence and pretend the world is a better place?"

"Suits me."

**AN: I always felt that Jack and Ianto didn't start off by shagging.....and Ianto is way more perceptive than Jack thinks.**


	4. Chapter 4

**TOSH (POST MARY).......**

She couldn't believe how stupid she had been, how gullible, how bloody pathetic. What must the others think of her? Was she so....so desperate that she'd hook up with the first pretty face that came along and offered to buy her a drink? Isn't that what people did though? To meet someone new, a nice bar, a drink, some conversation and maybe just maybe something more...Something that really meant something? Toshiko Sato....loser....silly little girl....stupid. Why did love come mixed with hope, longing and yearning for anyone or anything to reach out to you in the darkness of the world? Why did it always hurt?

It was now, curled up on her sofa that she finally understood. Suzie had found her solace in machines and murder, Owen in his cynicism, Gwen she was the lucky one.....so why was she shagging Owen? Jack, not really capable of that deep love that comes from wanting to be with someone forever and Ianto, poor Ianto in as much pain and as lonely as she was. They were all so damaged, so alone, reaching out and missing the hands held out to steady their falling.

Mary had meant so much in so little time. Mary, her beautiful, flattering, delightful...murdering...well whatever she was. In those few days Tosh felt special, important, noticed and it was wonderful and frightening in equal measure and God it hurt.

Tosh sat there nursing her glass of chardonnay wondering why on Earth she bothered to get up each day, have a shower, don some nice stylish clothes slap on some make-up...look nice, for heaven sakes. Why did she bother? Ianto was the same, always beautifully turned out, not a hair out of place, always completely unruffled. Why? Because it was the only way anyone would ever look at them. They were quiet, unobtrusive to the point of invisible, beautiful in their in their unique brand of blandness. The only difference between them was that Jack noticed Ianto, but only because of the suits, the perfectly presented veneer, and the wall that just had to be broken because Jack could, regardless of what lay behind it. Tosh and Ianto were good at walls; her's was her technology, her unique understanding of the mechanical, artificial and electrical. His was this innate capacity to anticipate, to remember and uncanny knowledge of all things. Their true souls unreachable through the pain of too much in too short a time and loss and heartbreak were as much a part of their attire as the clothes on their backs. It made for a lonely existence.

Strangely though, Tosh did not envy Gwen her normal undamaged life. The woman had no real clue as to the true beauty of the universe. Gwen had no real awareness of just how much was out there and how extraordinary some of the things could be. Tosh remembered trying to explain this Ianto one day, the shame of it was that he had only witnessed the worst of the galaxy had to offer. However, he held to the belief that there were better things out there than weevils, Cybermen and Daleks. He truly believed that the bad had to be balanced by the good somehow, though to look at his face it never showed. Except in those tiny precious moments when a small smile would grace his lips when Owen discovered something new about the weevils or Tosh got something working that they had found and when his colleagues remembered to thank him for his wonderful coffee at 3am and the lifts to their doorsteps in the smaller hours.

Gwen remained one of those anomalies that Tosh did not comprehend; she was the woman who supposedly HAD everything, a decent bloke, a good job, friends, family, and nice looks. What else could any 30 year old woman hope for? Gwen quite clearly wasn't satisfied with her lot, shagging Owen and flirting childishly with Jack, showing them she was the 'heart of the Hub'. It didn't wash with Tosh and was plain it didn't wash with Ianto either, the young man avoided her like the plague, though Tosh hadn't the courage to ask him why.

Tosh realised rather sadly that the team that was Torchwood 3 orbited around another never close enough to touch and to know one another, but always in sync to get the job done. She wondered what it was that held them together. Some days she thought it was just sheer force of will. Other days they found a common ground, a shared anger or determination. Whatever it was it changed from one day to the next, there was never an anchor, not even in their leader Jack. Sometimes it just felt like they were waiting for something.......whatever it was.....

Her trail of thought was interrupted by her mobile ringing beside her foot. Without even looking at the caller ID she answered it.

It was Ianto. Tosh couldn't help but smile at the quiet concern in his voice.

"Hey, Tosh. Just wanted to check that you were ok."

"Ianto, yes I am. Are you at home?"

"No, still here. Catching up with reports for UNIT while it's quiet."

Tosh frowned then glanced at her watch. "Ianto it's 2am. You should be at home asleep."

"Don't worry I will be soon. I'm taking tomorrow off. I just....well I hope you're ok. I won't be in until tomorrow evening and I wanted to check if you needed me there earlier....for moral support. I know Owen can be a bit caustic...."

Tosh put down her glass and bunched up her fist to her chest. "Oh Ianto. Thank you. I will be fine. I promise. You go home now and get some rest and we can have a pizza together tomorrow evening."

"Ok. Alright then Tosh. Good night, my phone will be on if you need me."

"Thank you Ianto. Good night."

"Night Tosh."

She put the phone down and through her tears smiled properly for the first time in months.


	5. Chapter 5

**UNTREATED ROADS**

It was unfortunate that not everyone on the roads drove as carefully as he did. It was late, quite how late Ianto could not for the life of him remember. It was dark, cold and painful. That was all he knew. He recalled the swirling snow, the slickness of the tyres in the freezing slush and Rhod Gilbert on the radio. It was a four hour drive from Chester and he was only half way to Cardiff when his car had collided with a truck and done a spectacular roll down a steep bank. Ianto sighed, he was stuck, he was in pain and he knew damn well no one was likely to find him before he froze to death. The lorry, though dented, had driven on, the driver not wanting to risk his job or his licence.

Ianto contented himself by peering out of the shattered screen at a darkened landscape beautifully lit with the moonlight now reflecting off the snow. He wondered when the snowfall had stopped, he hadn't recalled that. The world before him exuded an ethereal air and whilst that gave him some comfort in a strange way; it also frightened him. He wasn't ready to leave it and most certainly didn't want to go out this way, succumbing to hypothermia and internal bleeding.

The darkness in the sky slowly gave way to the washed out half colours of a February dawn and heartening, strident birdsong, the whitened countryside glowing intensely with the start of a new day. The splendour of it brought tears to his eyes, it had been many years since he had thought of his own country in such a way. The place that had nurtured him stretched out serenely before him.

Ianto became aware of the shallowness of his breathing and the fact that he could not feel most of his broken body now. Perhaps that wasn't such a bad thing and inspire of his fear he felt truly at peace for the first time in years. There he was about to face God in the face of all this beauty, for once in his short life he had time to appreciate it for it's simply being. This is what he lived for. This stunning fragile world and his home. He was not ready to leave, not yet. He had lost the strength to fight the pull of unconsciousness, the bliss of sliding into black depths of pure unrelenting tranquillity. Like the road he had been driving along, untreated and untried his final journey, the only blessing his last words as he had walked out of the door the previous day.

"Love you too mam."

There was someone else who needed to hear those words. Ianto had been his anchor in the wake of earlier tragedy. Ianto fleetingly wondered who would be there for Jack now. He cried his final tears, the reason for him going to his mam in the first place.

"I have never hated you more than I do right now Jack."

His final look had been at Gwen's face, the worst kind of betrayal between them.

Ianto was grateful it had come to this.


	6. Chapter 6

**WELSHMEN**

"Ianto not with you?"

Jack sighed as he stepped over the threshold of Gwen's front door. He offered Rhys a polite smile and shook his head.

"He's still driving back from Abergevenny, the snow; you know what the roads have been like."

Rhys nodded. "Never mind mate, we've got a nice hot meal waiting for when he finally arrives so you just text him and tell him to come straight here."

Jack looked at the Welshman properly for the first time since walking in the door. "I will Rhys, thank you." Jack followed him through to the lounge, texting Ianto as he went and found Gwen on her sofa a bandaged foot propped up on a pile of cushions. She was grinning at him and patting the space beside her on the couch. Jack pulled off his great coat and Rhys took the precious item and hung it up. "Go on, sit with her she's been dying to see you all day." There was no hint of jealousy or regret in his voice, a mark of his strength of character as far as Jack was concerned. Gwen out stretched her arms.

It had been the first day since the deaths of Owen and Tosh that the three remaining team members had not seen each other. Gwen had attempted to walk to work that morning through six inches of snow only to be knocked off her feet by a kid on a sledge, her ankle had been fractured and 5 hours sitting in A&E had followed. Fortunately none of Rhys trucks were making any deliveries that day. Ianto had woken up at his mother's and spent an hour trying to dig his car out of the snow, upset that he couldn't get back especially when Jack had told him about Gwen's mishap. That had been his and Jack's first night apart for months, Ianto did not want a repeat and was currently driving back to Cardiff, against Jack's and Gwen's wishes.... and his Mam for that matter.

Jack parked himself down beside Gwen and they hugged for a long moment taking comfort from the familiar gesture that Rhys had just gotten well used to over the last few months.

"Coffee Jack?"

Jack smiled back at Rhys; Ianto had been teaching him to make good coffee at Gwen's insistence.

"I'd love one." And Jack pulled his phone out having received a text. It was from Ianto and that made Jack smile with a degree of relief he had just got back to his own flat and would be joining them in about an hour.

"Ianto will be here in a bit; can we wait for dinner for an hour?"

Rhys happily agreed and pulled a beer out of the fridge for himself and poured a glass of merlot for Gwen.

Gwen noted Jack's obvious relief that he had heard from their most junior team member. She knew that they were close and shared an intimacy she had learnt not to envy, but she often found herself wondering how the two had managed to become involved with all the terrible things that lay between them and for once she decided to ask. Losing Owen and Tosh had made her realise that she wanted to know as much about her two remaining friends as she could in case one day, she lost them too.

"You worry about him, don't you?"

Jack was caught a little off guard as he took the proffered mug from Rhys who then retreated to the kitchen to carry on making dinner.

"I worry about both of you, actually all three of you." He indicated Rhys.

Gwen smiled. "But Ianto...."

"Yes, especially Ianto. Losing Owen and Tosh was like revisiting Canary Wharf for him. He's lost so much Gwen and sometimes....." Jack trailed off realising that perhaps Ianto would not appreciate him talking.

Gwen's hand found its way to his. "That's not all is it?"

Jack leant back against the sofa and closed his eyes. "No it isn't. When I first got back, after being buried all that time. I realised that there were things that I couldn't remember; one of those things was Ianto. I mean knew who he was, but I'd forgotten what he meant, what he and I had and despite his heartbreak he helped me get through the night mares and my grief and every other damned thing I threw at him after you'd gone home each night. He saved me Gwen in every way a person can be saved and in doing that he sacrificed a huge part of himself. He never cried, or got angry and when I went with the Doctor to fight the Daleks he was there for me when I got back, you both lied to me so I could go and save the world and I left you behind, again..... How do I repay that much faith and loyalty Gwen? I owe him.....everything and it has taken me the last 24 hours to realise it."

Gwen squeezed his hand, she hadn't known though she realised she should have.

"He loves you Jack."

"How do you know that?" There was doubt in his voice and that surprised Gwen.

"Because Rhys does exactly the same for me, because I know I can come home, angry, fed up or just plain excited about my day and Rhys will always be there for me. It's Welshmen; they have a knack of knowing when they are needed and what they should do." She said with a grin.

Jack was looking at her now, feeling guilty. "I don't deserve his love."

"I don't think you have a choice. He and I both love you Jack. But Ianto is in love with you, like he was with Lisa. Can I ask you something?"

Jack nodded.

"When did you first sleep with him?"

Jack arched his eyebrows. "I er...it was a month before we found out about Lisa."

Gwen wasn't expecting that. "Why did you sleep with him?"

Jack cast his mind back; it was hard recalling things that in his time line had happened 2000 years previously, he was frowning. "He was crying. I wanted to comfort him but he deflected it by kissing me and you know I never turn down those kind of advances." There was no smile at the memory, in truth it had been a terrible encounter, punctuated by very rough sex and Ianto's tearful shame straight afterwards Jack recalled feeling like he'd done more harm than good at the time. "I always liked him though, from the first day we met." He added distantly. "You know how it is sometimes; some people just get to you right from the start."

Gwen smiled at that. "He hasn't grieved for Tosh and Owen, has he?"

Jack shook his head. "He lost family that night in the bombings. He didn't tell me, I read about it in the papers, when they printed the casualty lists, his brother-in-law and one of his nieces both died. He spent all that time helping me and didn't even go home for the funerals."

"Jesus Jack..... I had no idea."

"He doesn't know that I know. He has this insane notion that he has to be strong for me all the time and last night when we were apart I realised just how much I have taken from him, how much he has given me. I need to do better by him." Jack sipped on the coffee and sighed.

Gwen gently rubbed at the back of his hand with her thumb. "Will you leave him?"

That brought Jack back to his senses with a crash. "Do you think I should?"

"You left Estelle, when you knew things would become difficult."

"Ianto's different!" He bit it out.

"How so? I remember you telling me how much she meant to you, that it hurt seeing her age...."

"It did hurt, but Ianto isn't Estelle, he knows what I am, who I am, better than I do. So long as he is alive I would never leave him, unless he..... unless he asked me to." That didn't bear thinking about. "I love him Gwen."

"Then perhaps it is time you told him that." Rhys said looking down at him. Jack and Gwen both looked up, shocked. "I mean it Jack, that boy deserves to know. I think he needs to know. You both lean so heavily on him and he's just a kid really and no one ever seems to be there for him." Rhys added with a hint of embarrassment in his voice. He smiled sheepishly. "Sorry, I know it's none of....."

Jack shook his head and pulled his hand out of Gwen's grasp and stood up. Rhys squirmed awkwardly when he was tugged into an embrace, Jack's strength and action taking him by surprise. A moment later and Jack was holding him firmly at arms length studying his face.

"I know, you're right." Jack said thoroughly ashamed of himself.

The doorbell rang.

Rhys grinned. "That'll be him I expect."

Jack released him and stood there waiting somewhat nervously for Ianto to enter the flat. A short while later and there he stood, his face flushed from the cold, pulling off his coat and scarf and handing them to Rhys with a nod of thanks. Jack strode over and yanked him into a fierce hug which Ianto automatically reciprocated, burying his face against Jack's neck and sighing contentedly.

"Missed you." Jack murmured.

"Me too."

They drew apart and looked at each other for a long moment and Ianto frowned worriedly, aware that both Gwen and Rhys were watching them with apparent bated breath. Panic gripped him.

"Jack, is everything ok?"

Jack caressed his cheek with his fingertips, his eyes not leaving Ianto's for a moment. He gently pulled Ianto back against his body and squeezed him tightly and carded his fingers through Ianto's hair. Ianto tightened his hold.

"I love you Ianto, so much."

Rhys and Gwen were exchanging smiles, Ianto didn't notice he just gazed at Jack. "I know Cariad. I love you too. But what's happened?"

Jack was shaking his head and laughing he kissed Ianto's forehead. "Nothing happened. I just missed you and Gwen as you know had a run in with a sled." Jack kissed his lips this time, gently, without demand for anything other than the contact. Ianto smiled into it and grasped Jack's hand.

Rhys finally coughed to get their attention.

"Right then....Dinner?"


	7. Chapter 7

**RUNNING**

He seemed to spend all of his life running these days whether it be chasing something or being chased, eitherway it meant running. Normally Ianto wouldn't give a monkey's uncle. Running was fun, according to Jack, kept one fit, so Gwen liked to believe and usually resulted in a ruined suit from Ianto's experience. Yet here he was running, again, as fast as he bloody well could because his life depended on it and by God if he did happen to get killed, Jack would kill him! Yes Jack would certainly find a way. Ianto was in no mood to die, quite frankly all he wanted to do was strip off, have a shower and good satisfying long fuck with Jack. Really was that too much to ask? Quite obviously this morning it was.

He had literally been rolled out of his bed by Jack at 2am and ordered to get dressed for a Hoix hunt. Well at least he'd had the good sense not to put on a suit.

Ianto ran skidding along the icy slick tarmac of an alleyway that lay between two rows of suburban terraced houses, an enraged adult male Hoix hot on his tail. Though exhilarated by the surge of adrenalin as he pushed his body to its limits Ianto was wholly aware of how alone he was. Jack would be of no help, he had been taken down by a nasty looking cross bolt almost as soon as they had got out of the SUV and Ianto had no intentions of calling Gwen for back up. As he ran he pulled out his revolver and checked the clip and released the safety. Hoixs were tough shits but their knees were vulnerable to bullets and Ianto decided realistically it was his only chance, but getting a decent aim would mean stopping, he'd only get one shot. Ianto wondered if he was good enough. He also started to wonder how much time had passed since Jack's demise, would he have revived yet? He'd still be weak and disorientated Ianto had to keep the Hoix from going back in his direction. Shit, his breath was really starting to catch now, ribs aching with the effort and quite suddenly his left foot skated out from under him sending him crashing into the uneven slabs of frozen snow. The wind was knocked out of him but Ianto swung round, raised his gun and got off half a dozen shots as the enraged alien charged at him. Merely feet away it spun back howling in frustration and landed with sickening thump against a fence which fell down. It crawled away, hauling itself up and limping off into the night clutching at its leg and growling. Ianto sighed heavily, his breath turning white in the freezing night air. He launched himself up only to cry out in pain and end up on his arse on the ice. He looked down, the tip of a metal cross bolt protruding through his shin. Fuck that hurt. Nausea suddenly clawed at his gut and Ianto had to squeeze his eyes shut to stop himself from throwing up.

Ok, maybe now was a good time to call Gwen, boy was she going to be cross. He fumbled around for his mobile and firstly speed dialled Jack's number but his phone rang before the call went out. Ianto answered it and Jack's worried voice greeted him.

"Ianto? You're coms are down, you ok?"

"No. The bloody thing shot me. It's injured Jack you should be able to contain it now."

"Ok, I've got it's signal, can you hold on for a bit?"

Ianto took a quick squizz at his leg. "Yep, go get it Jack. I'll just wait here for you."

He hung up and pocketed his phone. He lay there staring up at the starry sky and wondering what the bad smell was nearby and hoped he wasn't lying on a pile of dog shit. Ianto wasn't certain how much time had passed by the time Jack got to him. He was tired and freezing cold when Jack hauled him to his feet and hastily inspected him. He looked down at Ianto's leg and then at Ianto's face, worry etched deeply into his own features. Ianto merely smiled at him, because whenever Jack looked at him like that it was all he could to allay the older man's fears. The next moment Jack was kissing him, deeply and somewhat forcefully, just to make sure. Ianto smiled still further, welcoming the warmth and taste of his lover and best friend as Jack held him up against his body. The need to breathe brought them apart and now Jack was smiling too.

"I guess I better get you to A&E."

Ianto nodded, testing his weight on the injury..... not his best move.

"Where's the Hoix?"

"Caged in the back of the SUV. You shot his knee out. I'll need to get UNIT to deal with it in the morning. But firstly let me get you patched up OK?"

Ianto nodded. "Are you ok Jack?" He was rewarded with that special smile, the one reserved for him and him alone.

"I'm good. Here let me help." Jack carefully lifted him up and Ianto wrapped his arms about Jack's neck, feeling a little foolish and rather chuffed by the tender gesture. He buried his face against Jack's neck, inhaling the comforting scent deeply.

"Thanks Jack."

Ianto was fast tracked through casualty and whilst his leg was operated on Jack went to the Hub, dumped the Hoix into a cell with a big dose of sedative, made a stack of phone calls and finally showered and got changed. Gwen arrived into work as he was leaving his office to go back to the hospital so he filled her in on what had happened. Gwen was worried of course and hugged Jack and told him to take as long as he needed, she'd call UNIT for help if things went to hell. Reassured Jack walked back to the hospital.

Ianto was sleeping in a private room in the orthopaedic ward when Jack got there. His lower left leg heavily bandaged with his toes poking out the end of the pristine padding. Jack looked at the neatly manicured pinkies and wanted to touch them but he was good and resisted, instead he contented himself with settling down on the bed and pulling Ianto into his arms in a gentle embrace. He lay there in happy silence, relieved that once again Ianto had been able to protect himself enough to stay alive, that this beautiful young man had actually found the strength and will to keep going in the face of adversity. It had been a long time since Jack had loved anyone this much, some days he wanted to run from it, others he was glad that he couldn't and all the time he was grateful that he hadn't. He knew shortly that Ianto would awake, lamenting the ruination of yet another item of clothing. Ianto would smile at him, touch his face, remind him that he was in fact alive and mostly intact and tell him once again that he was not to worry. Ianto, always thinking about everyone else before himself. Jack gently pressed his lips to Ianto's temple, wholly aware that though all he wanted was to protect this extraordinary man from the evils of the world, he wouldn't want anyone else at his side when facing the dangers. Ianto thrived on it in the same way he did. They both accepted their differing mortalities, in some ways it drove them forwards enabling Ianto to fully live in the moment. It was terrifying and exhilarating and Jack relished every element of its beauty, of Ianto's purity in such moments. One day he would miss this so much and Ianto had taught him not to be afraid of that, but to embrace it and accept it in readiness to move on. Ianto had moved on, from Canary Wharf, from Lisa, from Brynnblaid and Owen and Tosh and Jack marvelled at the new man he had become, stronger, more confident and happier than Jack had ever seen him. Good enough reason not to run.


	8. Chapter 8

Owen hated to see other people's blood, especially when it was pouring out all over the pavement and mingling with the rain as it trickled along the gutter. He was yanking things out of his medical bag and swearing repeatedly as his wounded colleague lay there quietly watching him stress out. Ianto was the oddest patient, make him sad or frightened and he'd scream for Wales, shoot him and he never uttered a syllable no matter how much pain he was in. Owen knew he must be pain with a bullet in his gut, but Ianto lay spread eagled on the concrete gazing through glazed eyes with something bordering on serenity written all over his pale young face. Too pale for Owen's liking. Gwen was on the other side clasping a hand in both of hers as Owen worked to staunch the blood flowing over the expensive tailoring.

It had been a stupid thing, Ianto's gun misfiring the way it had. Unfortunately they were outside a play area and a weevil was prowling so Gwen and Owen had left him and given chase, at Ianto's insistence. Now all Owen could hear was Jack bellowing down the coms for an update and Ianto's eyes continued to search the sky above him his mouth opening and closing as his breathing became alarmingly shallow. Gwen stepped away to speak to Jack and Owen was dialling for an ambulance, they would not make it back to the Hub in time, he wrapped his hand in his own T-shirt and shoved it into Ianto's abdomen, pressing down for all he was worth. Ianto finally made a sound, something like a rasping as he tried to speak. With his free hand Owen grabbed one of Ianto's, which was cold and unresisting.

"It's alright mate, hang on." What else was there to say, the man was dying underneath him and there was stuff all Owen could do until the paramedics arrived.

Ianto used every last piece of his strength to look at Owen and speak. "Don't let me go, please."

Owen registered his muted terror and felt a stab of guilt, this was just a boy under his hands, he'd lost his girlfriend only weeks before, and had been on a breakfast menu merely the previous week. How unlucky can one person be? And here he was, Ianto's colleague and doctor still so full of anger and resentment towards him that he couldn't find it in him to offer more comfort. Part of him was even tempted to lift his hand away from the wound in the boy's gut and let him bleed out. Owen cursed, no, he was a doctor, first and foremost. Do no harm. This wasn't Ianto's fault.... none of it was Ianto's fault. Somehow Owen managed to smile down at the terrified young man who was clinging so hard to his pathetically painful life.

"I've got you Ianto, you're not going anywhere." And Owen was forced to wonder why in hell's name the boy wanted to live at all.

Gwen was back.

"Can I help?"

Owen gestured to his bag. "Yep, small bottle and a syringe, side pocket. Draw out 20mls for me....let me see the bottle label first though." He instructed through gritted teeth. He looked down at the red liquid oozing about his fist.... too much blood... way too much blood. Ianto's face was grey, his breath hitching as his eyes rolled back.

"Shit! He's crashing, hurry it up Gwen and get back on the phone for that ambulance."

The ambulance arrived seconds later and the two paramedics that got out were known to Owen. They worked on Ianto for twenty minutes before heading into the hospital. To Owen's surprise Jack was waiting there for them to arrive and Gwen followed up in the SUV.

As soon as Ianto was wheeled away to theatre Jack rounded on Owen.

"What the hell happened out there?"

Owen sank down onto a chair and ran his bloodied hands through his hair trying to collect himself as Gwen was sent off to get coffees.

Jack sat down next to Owen and patted his shoulder. "Sorry..... What happened Owen?"

"His fucking gun. It misfired, or some damn thing. He took a shot at the weevil after it knocked this kid to the ground and it back fired. His gun hand is damaged and I think it was the bullet that ended up in his gut, could have been part of the gun itself. The weapon is in the boot of the SUV."

Jack leant back on his seat. "Shit, we're spot on with weapons maintenance. That should not have happened."

"Dodgy bullet?"

Jack sighed, that meant every round would need inspection from that batch.

"You ok Owen?"

Owen nodded and went back to rubbing at his scalp. "I was so fucking angry with him that I couldn't even be arsed to comfort him when he was..... Shit. I can't believe it. I just...."

"Probably saved his life. I think that's comfort enough."

Owen wasn't so sure. "He was scared Jack.... like he hasn't had enough of that recently. Fuck!" He was aware of Jack watching him.

"Don't beat yourself up over it. Ianto knows what he did is hard for us to forgive, and maybe now it is time for that from all of us.... Betrayal Owen, it's a hard thing to overcome."

"So is losing the one and only thing that matters in your life. I should have seen that Jack, I should have shown some compassion. If nothing else Katie taught me that much. She'd be downright ashamed of me right now." Owen picked at his nails. "I failed him as his colleague and his doctor."

"And I failed him as his boss and his friend. Trust me Owen there's enough guilt going round between all of us with tons to spare. Lets just try to move forward and help him." Jack said.

Owen agreed. "Doesn't mean I am going to like him though."

Jack turned his face away so Owen didn't see the smile there. "No, of course not. Couldn't have that now could we."

Owen dumped a pile of comics on the bed at Ianto's feet and turned to give the sleeping Welshman a quick professional check over before satisfying himself that he was in fact just asleep. The Tea Boy had come through the surgery quite well all things considered and looked to be resting, if not especially peacefully. Jack was there a moment later having finished chatting up the duty ward sister.

"He's doing ok, the surgeon said all going well he can go home at the end of the week." Jack told him, looking at the pile of comics, 'Beano' being the top one on the pile.

"Has he got anyone at home to look after him?" Owen asked, ignoring Jack's questioning gesture toward the literature.

"No, not that I know of."

"Fine then, we'll have to take it in turns to check on him....."

Jack shook his head. "I'll see to it. Ianto would never let you into his flat, it's so clean it makes this place look like Myfanwy's nest."

Owen wondered whether he was being insulted or not but chose not to comment. "Fine, just so long as someone looks after him......" He paused thinking. "Please tell me you are not shagging him?"

Jack gave him one of those 'innocent I don't think so' looks. "I haven't touched him, the guy is straight Owen."

"Since when did THAT make a difference to you?"

Jack was grinning now. "Good point."

Owen suddenly felt somewhat protective to his errant work mate. "Don't toy with him Jack. I know you like your pets, but Ianto..... well..... I just don't think it's a good idea, do you?" He realised that Jack was looking down at the Welshman with more than a little affection in his eyes. "Jack?"

"He's beautiful Owen, the strength of his love, his loyalty, his intelligence and gile. We need him on the team, no one has pulled one over on me like that in decades..... Still like you say...." His speech trailed off when he realised he was thinking out loud.

Owen shook his head. "Come on Harkness. I think you need a cold shower."

Jack aware of a familiar ache he really didn't want to mention to Owen was inclined to agree. He bent forward and gently brushed his lips across Ianto's forehead before following Owen out of the ward.


	9. Chapter 9

Ianto rolled the tiny white pill between two fingertips, holding it up in front of his eyes and gazing at it so intently that he didn't notice another presence in the room.

"Ianto?"

Tosh's soft tones filtered through and he hastily dropped his hand into his trouser pocket.

"Tosh, can I help you?"

She took another step forward into the tourism office and closed the 'public' door shut behind her as a cold autumn breeze followed her into the shop.

"Perhaps that is a question I should be asking you?"

Ianto looked up meeting her dark eyes with his azure blues and fetching up a faint and reluctant smile, he deflected her enquiry.

"So how was London?"

Tosh sighed, annoyed at his obvious attempt to avoid her question. "London was fine, Jack managed to piss off three diplomats and one US Airforce General with his usual skill and spent every evening complaining about the poor room service and revolting coffee. I think you were missed."

Ianto doubted that. "Well UNIT haven't phoned to complain yet and I haven't received any court orders for sexual harassment charges so he can't have been up to his usual standards."

Tosh smiled at that, noticing that her young colleague didn't appear to find it in the least bit funny. Tosh was wondering what was wrong, but decided that that was a question for Jack, not her. Ianto hit the button under the counter and Tosh took that as her cue to leave him alone, no sooner was she walking towards it than Jack strode through, having come up from the Hub an anxious look on his face. He handed Tosh the Keys to the SUV.

"Ianto and I will be down shortly for the briefing could you get set up?"

Tosh nodded and headed off, the door closing behind her.

Jack, his greatcoat absent swung round and leaned on the counter to face Ianto.

"Were you gonna take that pill?"

Somehow Ianto wasn't surprised. He arched his eyebrows.

"Owen was watching you on the CCTV feeds, on my orders. We've been worried. So, you going to answer my question?" He reached out a hand cautiously and rested his fingertips over Ianto's.

The touch was bordering on electric and Ianto had to force calm, schooling his features into his favourite unreadable mask.

"It's not what you think."

Jack looked at his pale face, reddened eyes and puffy cheeks. "Tell me then, why you've been crying so much."

Ianto's eyes widened. "Crying?"

Jack nodded.

"I haven't been crying Jack." He was taken aback, did he really look that bad?

"Ianto." Jack's tone was dangerous.

"Jack I swear. I just have a runny nose."

"Ianto, you were contemplating taking Retcon."

Ianto snatched his hand away and delved it into his pocket. He pulled out a tiny white tablet and held it up.

"It's not Retcon, it's 'Allerease, for hayfever."

"Hayfever?"

Ianto nodded. "Why would you think I would take Retcon?"

Jack shrugged. "Because you are mad at me?"

Ianto laughed out loud it took him some moments to calm himself. "I'm not mad at you. I'm grumpy and tired, I have a runny nose, a headache and itchy eyes and I haven't seen you all week because you've been in London."

Jack let out an audible sigh of relief. "Ok, so why were you contemplating the tablet?"

Ianto shrugged. "I'm not sure I was. I took it out to take it realised I didn't have any water and I hate dry swallowing the things and I was debating about whether or not I could be arsed going down to the Hub to get a drink. I'm sorry you think otherwise."

Jack was too. "We were worried. Does Owen know you have Hayfever?"

Ianto nodded. "He does now." He replied gesturing at the security camera.

"Is everything ok Ianto?"

He finally offered up a smile for Jack, which appeared to be a good move.

"I'm fine Jack, really."

Seemingly convinced Jack straightened up. "Good, ok. So we still on for tonight?"

"So long as it involves my couch and no effort on my part, I'd say it's a goer."

Jack was chuckling. "You man of action.... Been a busy week then?"

Ianto nodded moving away to lock up the tourist door. "Yep. Owen, and I haven't been home since Saturday."

"Well, Rift permitting I'll be sending the rest of you home as soon as the briefing is done."

"Look forward to it."

Jack wondered whether Ianto was being sarcastic or not, the younger man was not smiling any more when he faced him. Jack stepped forward and grasped his head in both hands, planting a gentle brief kiss to his lips. They both smiling then.

"So do I."


	10. Chapter 10

**WEDDING DRESSES**

"Ianto, please. I am begging you."

"No, absolutely not."

Toshiko turned her head at the sound of the two voices of her team mates as they stepped through the cog door. She offered a smile to Ianto who was the first through closely followed by a rather plaintive looking Jack Harkness. Ianto nodded curtly at her and headed straight toward the coffee machine, Jack on his heels, who completely ignored her as he went by.

"Ianto, I could make it an order!"

Ianto turned round looking extremely unimpressed in Tosh's view.

"No Jack... I am not going to a bridal shop."

"But Gwen needs a new dress, come on you really don't want her not to have a dress that fits, do you?" Jack was trying his best pleading voice and Tosh half wished she could see his face. She hit a couple of keys to change the CCtv view on her monitor and had to stifle a giggle at the look on Jack's face. Ianto glared at him.

"That is emotional blackmail. It's your fault she went out last night and was bitten.... I offered to go in her stead..... but oh no Captain Jack knows best! You're the one in the dog house with Gwen and Rhys, you fix it!" Ianto's voice was thin with exasperation.

Jack reached out and grabbed the younger man's hands in his and brought them to his lips gently kissing them.

"But you have such good taste, a real eye for that sort of thing."

"Yes, Jack I often wear maternity Bridal Gowns for work. Even matching shoes and earrings!"

"Oi enough of the dirty talk I am trying to do an autopsy here!" Owen yelled up from the Autopsy Bay.

Jack in an uncharacteristic public display of affection pulled Ianto close to his body.

"Really?" He whispered, his breath ghosting against Ianto's ear. "I must have missed that one."

Tosh watched the monitor closely as Jack brushed his lips against the pale skin of Ianto's neck, she then darted her gaze to Ianto's face, his eyes had shuttered closed and there was a blissful look that made him look just.... adorable. She smiled.

"Jack." It was barely audible as the sound came out as a caress in itself. Ianto suddenly shook himself. "No Jack.... no way." He pulled himself free and his eyes met Jack's. He knew he'd lost and his shoulders sagged. He could never resist that particular expression of Jack's, the one that held all kinds of promise. Ianto held out his hand.

"Give me your credit card."

Jack baulked.

"It's not coming out of the Torchwood expense account Jack. Your card please." His tone of voice was not to be argued with.

Reluctantly Jack pulled out his wallet and handed over the plastic.

"You buy her something nice and pretty."

Ianto was tempted not to, just a little. "You owe me Jack, big time and I am still not going to the wedding."

Jack nodded. "Ok, Tosh and Owen I am sure will be happy to represent Torchwood; don't you like weddings?"

Ianto's shoulders sagged still further as he thought about Lisa's dress still hanging in his wardrobe unused. Shaking his head he turned away from Jack.

"I'm having coffee first, did you want one?" He asked over his shoulder.

Tosh suddenly decided it was time to turn her monitor off as she watched Jack follow Ianto to the kitchenette, she buried herself in her work not wanting to hear the inevitable dialogue that was to follow.

"Ianto?" Jack reached out grasping Ianto's arm and pulling him to a stop. "Don't walk away from me, what's wrong? What did I say?"

Ianto looked down at his shoes, at Jack's boots, anywhere but his face, he couldn't, didn't want to meet his worried gaze.

"It's nothing Jack."

Jack sighed but lowered his voice to his softest level. "Yan? Tell me please."

Before Ianto realised he'd even been crying Jack was wiping away the water from his cheeks, he sucked in a steadying breath.

"I was supposed to be marrying Lisa last month in a church in Ealing. It was her birthday, she wanted to marry me on her birthday, said I was the best gift she could ever have and I'm not Jack. I let her down."

Jack carefully eased his arms around Ianto's shoulders and kissed his temple. "She was right too you are a gift. I wish you'd told me sooner, is it why you had those few days off?"

Ianto nodded. "I went to see her parents, took her things to give to them. I kept... I kept the dress she bought for the wedding, I just couldn't part.... I'm sorry. I should be over this by now."

Jack tightened his hold. "Don't be sorry Ianto, not for loving her. Don't ever be sorry for that."

"But it's not right Jack... when I.... I... shit!" Ianto wiped his face on his sleeve and tried to edge back a pace. "I'm sorry."

Jack caressed his face with his fingertips. "Please don't be sorry Ianto. I am glad that you still love her."

"Never stopped." Ianto finally looked straight at him and Jack felt his stomach knot tightly. "I'll never stop loving you either."

Jack smiled, he had known that for a while now and wasn't sure how comfortable he was with it. "I know, and I don't deserve it."

Ianto found a small smile in there some where. "You're damn straight. Now I really need that coffee before I go out because I know I will never live down the next two hours of my life and if Owen makes one sarky comment, you'll be on Decaf for a month."

Jack returned the smile apprehensively, realising the discussion was over without enough being said.

"I'd better gaffa tape his mouth shut then."


	11. Chapter 11

**SURVEY**

**MEMO:** FROM: IANTO JONES GENERAL SUPPORT.

TO: ALL STAFF TORCHWOOD 3...NB: I AM NOT RESPOSIBLE FOR THESE QUESTIONS, I HAVE TO ANSWER THEM TOO OWEN!

In the interests of staff wellbeing Jack has asked me (Don't know why he can't do it himself) to distribute the attached questionnaire.

1: What do you do in the event of the fire alarm going off?

2: Describe weapons log and sign in/out procedure.

3: Describe operating instructions for the coffee machine with bullet points and diagrams to prevent confusion.

4: Have you read the TW3 handbook?

5: Define Torchwood health and safety guidelines. (No essays Ianto, please!).

6: What is Myfanwy's favourite food?

7: Why does Owen never clean up?

8: How many translation programmes can Tosh run at a time?

9: Where's the key to the cleaner's cupboard?

10: Why do we have 37 unpaid parking fines and 45 speeding tickets for the SUV?

Please email your replies straight to Jack..... I do not want to see them.

**Attn: Captain Jack Harkness RE Survey, please find attached response. Ianto Jones: General support.**

1: It might help to install some fire alarms and smoke detectors first, sir.

2: **It should be**: sign a request form and key release for weapon's locker, select ones weapon and check it is in good working order. Take it and whatever ammunition is required. Lock the weapons store and return the key with a signature. Do the same in reverse for putting weapons back adding in a quick clean and ensuring there are no live rounds left in the weapon itself.

**It is**: Find the nearest gun lying around, load and shove in your belt and hope it works.

3: Are you trying to put me out of a job?

4: Yes. Amendments are required....please find extensive list.

5: There are no health and safety guidelines as risk assessing always involves certain death.

6: Just don't ever feed her cod..... anything else is fair game lab coats are an especial favourite.

7: Why does the Earth orbit the sun?

8: As many as she likes so long as YOU don't touch them.

9: I'm not telling you.

10: Jack, I think you already know the answer to that.

**To Jack from Owen..... Under protest!**

1: Run. Very fast.

2: Check it's loaded BEFORE firing?

3: No way, Ianto will kill me.

4: There is one?

5: If it's alien it'll kill you, if it's from the Welsh countryside it will eat you.

6: Lab coats.

7: It's Ianto's job.

8: More than you can.

9: Ask Ianto.

10: That's your fault Jack!

**Attn Jack Harkness from Gwen Cooper.**

1: Not sure, perhaps we should have a fire drill.

2: I've no idea. Other than making the weapons safe when not in use and correct handling... you remember you showed me Jack......

3: I only want Ianto's coffee.

4: Ianto showed me it, it's on my to do pile.

5: Health and Safety, you've got to be joking?!

6: Ianto says she likes Salmon and I know a few of Owen's coats have disappeared recently.

7: Because he's a lazy sod.

8: I've no idea I never touch Tosh's work.

9: Ask Ianto.

10: Nothing to do with me. I never speed and I use my car to pick up take aways.

**Dear Jack....Here's your questions answered. Love Tosh.**

1: Do we have fire alarms?

2: I've read the manual.... and haven't shot myself in the foot or lost a gun yet so I don't think you should be asking me.

3: I've no idea I drink tea.

4: It needs re writing Jack.

5: HnS? Have you actually tried risk assessing our jobs?

6: Anything she's not supposed to have with sauce on top.

7: You need to ask?

8: 10.

9: Ask Ianto. He knows everything.

10: Jack you KNOW whose guilty of that....don't you!


	12. Chapter 12

Ianto quietly worked through the reports on his desk. There were dozens of them, a backlog due to the increased workload of the last few months, nothing new there. Top of the pile were the mission reports from CERN, Ianto had been back out there to check that things had in fact remained stable and was treated to a VIP observance of some of the testing. It had been the closest three days he'd had to a holiday for nearly four years. He had returned from Switzerland refreshed, if still a little tired. Fortunately the Rift was quiet the weevils all seemed to be on vacation and none of Jack's exes had showed up in town, even UNIT had little to deal with recently..... This meant paperwork, Ianto's domain and most definitely not something to be left with Jack or Gwen for that matter. Jack was doing was much needed maintenance around the base and Gwen was on a day off. Ianto hadn't taken one for months supporting Jack's notion that at least one of them should have some semblance of a normal life. The ex police officer deserved that much at least. Out of all of the Torchwood team she had a world outside of the one she worked in and until recently hadn't been damaged by the one she worked in. Owen and Tosh. They were still healing. Jack recovering from the actions of Grey and trying to cope with his guilt and 2ooo years buried in the earth beneath Cardiff. Ianto was dealing with the sense of Deja Vue having survived against the odds too many things that had transpired in his short life and Gwen had just lost two of her colleagues..... no scrub that, they'd all just lost two really good friends.... family as far as Ianto was concerned. Each day passing brought new reminders and new challenges and each day things slowly got better, the pain became less obvious though it never truly went away.

Ianto worked on in silence lost in his task unwilling to think further. He'd had enough of thinking and spent the next hour mentally cursing his photographic memory as his last image of Tosh lying on the floor of the autopsy bay flashed through his mind with nauseating clarity. His scrubbed his hand over his wet face.

"Shit!" It was muttered, not wanting Jack to hear his voice. Ianto pulled out a handkerchief and wiped his face dry, deciding for now to break from his task, he'd been at it for nearly four hours anyway. He lurched to his feet. The post would have arrived upstairs in the tourist office by now, he decided to go and fetch it. It was ridiculous maintaining the facade, he hadn't opened the office in over three weeks, maybe today was a good day to do that. No... of course, he'd forgotten the whole of Cardiff was under 18 inches of snow. No one in their right frame of mind would be out today. Ianto couldn't even recall what day it was, let alone the date, he'd stopped worrying about things like that when he joined Torchwood 3 all that time ago, more than 2 years now. He took a moment to stretch and felt a satisfying crunch of vertebrae as he arched his back, cat like. The sound must have been loud because Jack looked up from his task with a frown.

"Was that your back?"

Ianto straightened himself with a flash of a smile aimed at Jack he strolled past.

"Yep, feels much better now."

Jack didn't look convinced. "That sounded painful, there are much more pleasant ways to relieve....."

"Yes Jack and I am quite certain that the boardroom table is not the best place to try them out."

Jack's face lit up hopefully. "Where are you going?"

"To get the mail." Ianto replied stepping through the cog door.

There was rather a lot more post than he was expecting and he was even more surprised to discover three envelopes addressed to him. Gathering them up he returned to the HUB and went and put the coffee on. Ten minutes later he and Jack were in the board room with a pot of Black Arabica and chocolate biscuits, reserved for Gwen's day off because she was on a diet. Ianto wondered why she felt she needed to diet and soon learnt that she was morally supporting Rhys in his efforts to shed a few pounds. Jack had naturally suggested far more pleasing methods of burning calories and Gwen had slapped him for it, whilst Rhys had flushed scarlet in a blush that outdid Ianto's. Ianto nudged the post addressed to Jack in his direction. It all looked official, under the guise of being a tourist office of course. Ianto's envelopes were rather more personal looking and he had no idea who they were from. The first one was pink with scrawly handwriting in biro across the front. He carefully prised it open and pulled out a card and was more than a little stunned to see hearts and teddy bears on the front. He was suddenly aware of Jack watching him very intently. Ianto opened the card and went beetroot red, dropping it like a hot brick. A photograph slid out on to the table in full view of Jack who snatched it up straight away.

"Wow! She's....er.... big." He flipped it over there was a phone number on the back. "Ianto, you have an admirer, that is so sweet, what does the card say?"

Ianto squeaked and pushed the offending item towards Jack. Jack picked it up and read the inside.

"Dear Mr Jones, I see you in that office and you are so handsome and whenever I come in you are always so polite and your eyes are gorgeous.... be my valentine? Hugs, kisses and anything else you'd like to try... Mellissa.x.x.x.x." Jack's grin couldn't have got any wider if he tried.

Ianto didn't know where to put himself and a horrid thought struck him. "Jack, I'll never be able to show my face in there again!"

Jack was pointing. "Open the others come on."

Reluctantly Ianto complied. The next envelope was bright red but inside there was a simple note on perfumed paper of very fine quality, Ianto relished the feel of it on his fingertips, this one had far better taste.

"Well, read it out!"

Ianto was plain embarrassed and really didn't want to, not sure whether he should feel hurt at Jack's excitement and lack of jealousy. Ianto looked at the card.

"Hello Ianto,

I wish I had the courage to tell you to your face. You really are very beautiful and I want to take you to dinner.... maybe more. Please call me, Simon Lake (BBC WALES newsroom). It's your voice, every time we talk on the phone and I came by the other day and checked you out. I don't know if you remember but I was in the same class at school as your sister Rhia. Anyway, please call me.

Simon."

Ianto slipped the paper note back into the envelope with a sigh, he remembered Simon very well from his teens but hadn't seen him for years and obviously hadn't recognised him when he visited. Jack noted the rather wistful look on his face.

"Ianto, you ok?"

Ianto nodded and he picked up the final card the handwriting on the front instantly recognisable as Jack's. Ianto held it up with an arched eyebrow and Jack smiled at him.

"Guilty as charged."

Nervously Ianto opened it to discover a plain card, inside was a mounted photograph of himself and Jack, one that he hadn't seen before. They were in Jack's office standing and holding one another close, cheeks rested against one another their eyes closed, completely at peace. Ianto had never believed that such a moment could possibly exist between them. Ianto turned it over in his hands and discovered seven words on the back he never expected to hope for let alone see or hear from Jack.

_Ianto, I will always love you. Jack x._

Ianto mouthed them silently as realisation suddenly dawned him. "It's Valentine's Day?"

Jack nodded. "You really didn't know, did you?"

Ianto looked up from the words before him and swallowed. "I didn't dare. I just.... put it out of my mind."

Jack offered up a smile. "Tosh took that photo, it was about a month after Gwen's wedding, she said I'd finally figured out where I needed to be and who I needed to be with. You were right in front of me all that time."

Tears rolled down Ianto's pale face and he looked back at the picture. "I miss her so much Jack she always saw the beauty in everything."

"Even Owen."

They both smiled at that.

"I know I never say it Ianto. Truth is I am scared to admit it to myself let alone you, but I do love you. I think I always did."

Ianto nodded knowing that what the two of them had was far from perfect or comfortable or easy.

"I love you too Jack."

Jack let out an audible sigh of relief and reached over and grasped Ianto's hand.

"Thank you."


	13. Chapter 13

**MEMORIES ARE MADE OF THIS**

Ianto gently ushered Gwen in the direction of the cog door. It had been a hellish couple of days. They were spiralling, emotions out of sync with the real world. They were exhausted and hurting beyond belief, but Ianto wanted her out of the Hub. He wanted her home with Rhys, where she could rant and cry and let go her grief and so he could do much the same, when the time finally allowed for it. Gwen had never been more reluctant to go as she clung to Ianto's arm making his already aching shoulder scream with sharp protest. He steered her resolutely though, he needed her gone right now more than ever.

"Please Gwen. Rhys is waiting in the office upstairs." His tone though gentle was firm and Gwen blanched at the quiet, dignified authority there. However she became more reluctant not wanting to let him go and desperately gazing over his shoulder in the direction Jack's office.

"I need to see Jack. I want to be there for him."

Ianto couldn't help but let out a frustrated hiss from the pain and his annoyance at her demands.

"And I need you to leave. Jack and I need to talk, we need time Gwen, the same as you and Rhys, now please just this once respect my wishes." He was trying very hard not to sound angry, she had no right to this, no right whatsoever. Times like this Gwen really pissed him off with her selfishness, he felt insanely possessive and Ianto hoped deep down it was just his exhaustion and grief making him feel that way. Jack was in trouble and he knew that Gwen would not be the person to fix it. He wasn't even sure he could.

Their eyes locked and Gwen suddenly realised this wasn't about grief or Owen or Tosh or even Grey. Something for more profound had shattered Ianto to the core, jealousy flashed inside of her. She bit it back knowing full well that Ianto was entitled to ask, she had sacrificed Jack when she had married Rhys and the bottom line Ianto and Jack loved each other and part of her hated them for it. Most of her loved them for it too, they were good for each other, in the same way that Rhys was good for her. Something had happened to Jack and he had changed after losing their friends and dealing with Grey's wrath as well as being buried alive. But this was Jack, he could bounce back from anything couldn't he? The look in Ianto's eyes told her otherwise. She knew he carried Jack's darkest secrets, was his confidant in a way she could never be. Ianto was his bulter, counsellor, sex slave or whatever else Jack asked of his loyal foot soldier. The shy boy who had stolen the great Captain's heart and forced him re-evaluate his life. A faint smile etched over her face trying to hide her worry she lightly kissed his cheek.

"Look after him Ianto."

Ianto had never been more grateful in his life.

Twenty minutes later and the Hub was shut down for the night. Ianto stood in the doorway of Jack's office his hands shoved into his trouser pockets. Jack was sat at his desk in a clean set of clothes, his hair still damp from the shower, his faithful greatcoat splayed over the old couch. Ianto was wondering if it would ever be clean again. Jack sat there gazing into space. Ianto didn't even want to try and guess what he was thinking. The emptiness in his soul mirroring the gaping hole brought about by the deaths of their two friends. He could feel the weight of it in every bone in his body, but the truth was that wasn't what was hurting him right now. He toed at a speck of dirt on the floor.

"How much do you remember Jack?"

The eyes adjusted, focussing straight into his heart and Ianto realised that the man sitting before him really didn't know who he was anymore. Ianto edged forwards and sat down in front of the Captain he had given his heart and soul to.

"I remember knowing I had to get back here. I just remember the dirt and the smell of dirt and the taste of it and the fact that I couldn't move and it was cold. No noise, no light..... just knowing I had to come back here to this date."

Ianto cautiously reached out and grasped one of Jack's hands that rested on his desk and was disappointed to feel him flinch. He didn't pull away though.

"What else?"

"I remembered Grey, what I had done, what he had done to me. When I saw you and Gwen I knew I was supposed to know you both.... I remember her and Tosh and Owen.... but only in flashes...... I guess it will come back." His tone was as resigned as the look on his pale face. Ianto shuddered he had never seen Jack look so much like a stranger to him.

"Two thousand years Ianto, how am I supposed to remember after two thousand years of nothing... just silence and blackness? How am I, when all I can feel is weight on my body, pressure in my lungs and the taste of soil in my mouth?"

Ianto squeezed at the hand shaking in his. "I don't know Jack. I wish I did."

"Who are you Ianto Jones?"

Ianto looked into the beautiful blues that he did not recall from his memories. "I am your friend, your coffee maker, your lover and sometimes your conscience. I try to do what I can for you because I trust you and I love you." There was no hesitation in any of that and Jack seemed to recognise it too.

"Do I deserve that much?"

"Yes."

Tears formed and ran silently down over drawn cheeks. "I wish I could remember what you mean to me. What Owen and Tosh meant, what I do, Torchwood. I know the names Ianto but the meaning behind them escapes me."

Ianto gently wiped away the water with his free hand and caressed his cheek with loving feather light fingertip touches, tracing newly formed lines more pronounced bone structure. Two thousand years.

"You need some time to heal and I need you to trust me, will you do that?" It's a plea he realises.

Jack nods despite feeling adrift.

Ianto offered up a smile, the warmest one he could find and feels Jack's hand relax a little.

"Then let us go home and I will try to remind you."

They left the Hub via the lift and once on the Plas Ianto grasped Jacks hand and watched as he took in the view of an early morning about to dawn. The world, seemingly still and peaceful. Jack just froze sucking in huge deep breathes of refreshing sea air. Ianto stood there watching Jack's face relax as he tilted his head up toward the sky. The Millennium Centre caught his eyes and Jack hitched a breath.

"I used to stand there on the roof."

"That's right."

Jack threw him an earnest look and Ianto was relieved to see some spark there in depths of his darkened eyes.

"Are we married Ianto?"

Ianto squeezed his hand. "No, we live together, after a fashion." It could be so easy to lie.

Jack obviously recognised the thought. "Take me home Ianto."

It was a short walk taken in silence with Jack occasionally pausing and glancing around the streets he knew should be familiar to him. Maybe they were in some strange way, he felt like he knew where he was going but not why. It felt right though, like he belonged; what felt wrong was the absence of his coat, he felt naked without it's protective embrace. He followed Ianto into the little terraced house and pulled his boots off his feet automatically. Ianto watched, more than pleased when Jack wandered through the hall to the open plan lounge and plonked himself on the couch. He was searching the cushions for something straight away before he even realised he was doing it. Jack froze mid hunt.

"What am I looking for?"

"The TV remotes, here." Ianto dug them out for him. "I'll make you some coffee."

Ianto smiled as he settled himself at Jack's side on the couch. The coffee had been a revelation, a relief and a whole flood of reminders. It brought tears and laughter. They sat there watching breakfast television.... The Cardiff bombings still dominating the news headlines. Jack watched transfixed things falling into place, events, names and places but the meanings still eluded him. Unconsciously he slung his arm around Ianto's shoulder and pulled him close the young man's solid warmth against his side a comfort beyond measure. Ianto snuggled close resting his head under Jack's chin and entwining their fingers. He felt surprisingly safe there, hoping that Jack was making his way back to him. Ianto needed him because until that moment when Jack was with him he could not grieve. He was wholly afraid that if he started grieving now he'd be shedding tears for Jack as well as Owen and Tosh and he wasn't ready to let them go. He felt Jack press his lips to his forehead and Ianto closed his eyes wanting to succumb to his exhaustion.

"Come to bed Jack." He murmured.

He felt rather than heard the gentle chuckle. "Isn't that normally something I demand of you?"

Ianto smiled. "Yep, only you always want to have mind blowing sex and I'm rather boring because I need to sleep and I don't want to be in our bed alone."

"Can I hold you?"

"We can hold each other because I sure as hell aren't going to be letting you go in a hurry. I thought I'd lost you. I couldn't stand that." He had not wanted to voice that thought yet but Jack just pulled him tighter against him. Ianto sighed allowing a small amount of content to relax him a little. He dreaded sleep in reality; sleep always lead to nightmares and Jack's new ones which he was sure to endure wouldn't warrant thinking about. Canary Wharf had burnt down 2 years before and Ianto was still haunted by what he had seen that day.

"I couldn't stand it either, I don't remember why but I know that's the truth of it. This feels right."

"Memories are made of this Jack, these small moments that we have to ourselves where the world doesn't matter and it's just us. This is all we have in the end."

"Then don't ever let me forget them again."


	14. Chapter 14

**SUNSHINE IN A BAG**

It was another death certificate that he was filling out, the 924th one to date since starting work at Torchwood 3. Once, not so long ago he had even filled one out for himself in readiness for an attempt at suicide, an attempt he had chickened out of. He never could stand the sight of his own blood. Ianto hit enter and the file was saved into the council database, another fabrication completed another lie made reality. It saddened him that it was so easily done, just a few words and the appropriate clicking of the mouse. Always second thoughts though. They nagged at his conscience all the time and the names and faces swam about just outside of his vision every time he tried to sleep. Lives he was not even responsible for, people he'd never met until it came to hauling their broken remains off the street in the dead of night. Sometimes he felt like he was the bogeyman himself, reviled and feared by society. He was a good person to avoid; he knew it so well that he'd made great in roads into his own loneliness. The file now saved was closed and the screen went back to the desktop image of the Torchwood logo. Ridiculous that a secret organisation should need one. Ianto half wondered whose smart idea that had been and how much they got paid for it, they'd probably earned better money than him.

He glanced down to his left at the open folder Case # asc227719, a seven year old boy who had died because he picked up an object from the floor in a public play area. The moment his fingers had touched the device, the child had quite literally exploded in front of a half dozen parents and twice as many young children. The clean up had been distressing to say the least and in Owen's absence the child doses for Retcon were a bit hit and miss. Ianto had dealt with all of it, not wanting the guilt of any potential mistakes to be laid on Gwen's shoulders. Jack and Gwen had dealt with the adults and the police. The device was now contained, though apparently dead itself..... a weapon Jack had determined. More Rift garbage left over from some one's war out there somewhere in the vast chasms of Time and Space. Ianto closed the folder and lifted his cup of now cold coffee and took a sip. So much junk and shit, why didn't anything good ever come through? A book would be nice, some jewellery, maybe a friendly tourist or two? Was it too much to ask? Apparently it was.

He decided against finishing the cold drink and put the mug back down. He arched back in the chair, Tosh's chair, and stretched to ease the tension from his shoulders and neck. There was still another 18 folders to go through and he glanced across to see Gwen hunched over a pile of paperwork of her own, she was still handling the clean up from the whole Dalek business, helping the police put together lists of the missing and confirmed dead. It could have been much worse than it was.

Ianto stood up and retrieved his mug, deciding a fresh brew was in order. He'd need to check in on the meting currently playing out in the board room.... A video conference more accurately Jack and three UNIT heads from around the world.... Dalek debrief and meanwhile the rest of Torchwood Cardiff's problems carried on. The Rift had been volatile ever since the Earth had been put back by the Doctor. At least they had dismantled that Osterhagen thing. Taking time to indulge in another more languid stretch Ianto sauntered in the direction of the board room and before his hand was on the door handle Jack was waving him in, the calls had ended apparently. The Captain was smiling, which did not bode well after a conference call and he was holding up his blue and white striped mug with that look on his face.

Ianto outstretched his hand and took the proffered mug and he registered the fact that Jack was openly staring at him.

"Ianto, are you ok?"

Ianto certainly wasn't aware of not being ok, no more than usual anyway. He hitched a half grin which only just made it to his lips.

"I'm fine Jack. You want this in your office or in here?"

Jack studied him closely and Ianto realised that the older was looking rather worriedly at him, it made Ianto's gut clench as it always did when Jack looked at him like that.

"My office and bring yours." It wasn't a suggestion.

Ianto nodded and left the room with a churning stomach, deciding he should check his reflection in the mirror before he did anything else. Instead he went to Gwen.

"Coffee Gwen?"

She looked up like a deer caught in the headlights and after a moment of freezing she smiled and Ianto was aware that she was staring at him too.

"I'd love one, thank you." Her soft tones only seemed to emphasise the acute interest in looking at him and Ianto was veritably squirming under his shirt now. He turned away and headed for his beloved machine; that at least would not make him uncomfortable. Ianto busied himself with his task and immersed himself in humming a nameless pop tune dredged from up from some random childhood memory completely unaware of the fact that Jack had followed him. He placed fresh mugs on the bench and pulled out the Kenyan beans from the fridge and mid stride he froze suddenly conscious of Jack's scrutiny. He put the beans down and faced his boss.

"Jack?"

There was another smile there, one of such intense warmth that Ianto almost felt like he wanted to flinch from it. It must have shown on his face because in the next moment Jack's hands were on his arms pulling him into a gentle embrace. Ianto went rigid still instinctively cautious at public displays of affection. Jack merely tightened his hold leaning into Ianto and resting his head against his. Ianto slowly allowed himself the concession of wrapping his arms about Jack's waist.

"Jack was is it?" He asked quietly, not wanting to draw Gwen's attention to them.

"You did good today." There was warm breath against his ear which sent a thrill of shivers through his shoulders. "Those kids Yan, you handled them so well, took the pressure off me and Gwen."

"Just doing my job Jack." It was a statement of fact, that was all."

Jack eased back and cupped his face tenderly in his strong hands forcing Ianto to meet his gaze. "You look tired."

"We've been busy."

"You haven't talked."

"About what?" Ianto was vaguely aware of where this conversation was about to go.

"I left you again."

Ianto was saddened at the remorse in those beautiful eyes. "You came back, you saved the world and then you came back, that's all that matters Jack."

"No it isn't."

Ianto really wanted to leave but he knew there was no way that he could with Jack's gaze boring into the depths of his soul like this.

"In the grand scheme of things, yes it is."

"I can't do it knowing you might not be here when I get back."

At that Ianto offered up a real, if faint smile. "Someone will always be here for you. Right now it's me, one day it will be... well whoever it is."

"You are not so easily replaced Ianto Jones."

"I don't expect to be, just moved on from when the time comes. It's the way it has to be for us, you know that."

The curse of immortality.

Jack swallowed. "I'd like to at least pretend that sometimes it doesn't have to be that way."

The crux of the matter.

"Welcome to my world Jack. It's like trying to catch sunshine in a bag and saving it for a rainy day. If I stop and think on this too hard then I will just freeze. So each day I get up and I pretend that everything will be fine and most days it is and some days are shit. But whatever happens Jack, it would've been worth it. No regrets, fear yes, but no regrets."

Jack closed his eyes briefly. "I wish...."

"So do I. But it doesn't work like that. Tosh spent all her time here wishing for Owen and look what happened to her. Don't wish Jack, just be. Be the person you have to be; take eternity as a gift to do all the good that the rest of us can't. Be my bag of sunshine."

They stood there looking at one another again, breathing slowly and in unison.

"I miss them."

Ianto nodded, it was something that they both understood better than most. He needed to break the mood.

"You were staring at me earlier, then Gwen. Do I really look that shit?"

Jack chuckled and touched his neck caressing the pale skin about the collar of his red shirt.

"You...er have a mark. Where I... well lets just say it's a bit higher than I thought it was."

Ianto slapped his hand to his neck and flushed scarlet and Jack laughed, it was a beautiful thing to see and hear but there was no time to contemplate that as he found Jack's lips on his, his tongue demanding better access to his mouth. Ianto complied, drawn in as he always was by this wonderful and terrifying man before him. Hands were in his hair, running down his back and squeezing his arse and for once Ianto couldn't care less. They needed this freedom so rarely displayed.

Gwen was watching with a grin, her mobile phone out to take a picture, recognising the precious moment for what it was and thinking maybe it was just the bag of sunshine they all needed.


	15. Chapter 15

**POST TEQUILLA SICK DISORDER**

Ianto was not one for praying, or getting on his knees (unless...well.). In fact he tried very hard to avoid the spiritual, the sublime and the ethereal because in Torchwood those things invariably spelt trouble, in a big way, a very big way. He knew potentially that each day could be his last, because that too was Torchwood. But what he didn't know (and he really should have) was just how badly he would be affected by alcohol, large quantities of it. Right now Ianto was praying on his knees to the porcelain gods in Jack's bathroom, for relief and for the room to stop moving and his guts to stop churning. He thought, rather bitterly as he hurled up last night's curry that he was being steadfastly ignored. It was Jack's fault, of course. Ianto was rubbish at poker, he was a scrabble man himself, afterall why have a degree in English literature otherwise? Strip poker he could live with, getting naked with Jack was always fun and left him feeling warm and fuzzy for days after. Getting pissed with Jack was a whole new experience, especially when one considered that Jack almost never got drunk, no matter how much he consumed. Ianto reflected on this, his head balanced against the cistern, with a degree of..... well the feeling that somehow Jack had cheated, once again. No change there then, along with the loss of dignity, his clothes and all sense consciousness! It just wasn't fair, he knew the moment that he stepped through that roller door Owen would pounce on him with merciless sniping and Tosh would be offering up sympathetic smiles until she figured he had a hangover and not a bad night chasing weevils. Ianto sighed. Ianto's stomach gurgled. Ianto's head swam in that way that made you think the Titanic wasn't sinking even though the water was lapping at your ankles. He hurled and heaved and finally caught a breath before he felt a glass being pressed into his shaking hand. He was vaguely aware of a tantalisingly naked Jack sitting on the floor beside him rubbing soothing circles over his sweaty back.

"When was the last time you got drunk?"

Ianto's eyes nearly popped out of his head, what kind of a stupid question was that? "Last night Jack, you were there, remember?"

The bastard was actually grinning at him as Ianto took a sip of the icy water, making him shudder appreciatively.

"Before that?"

Ianto had to think. "Fresher's night at Cambridge. I hated being drunk so much that I was a model student; they all thought I was weird until they tried my coffee. You'd be amazed at how many student friends you gain if you can brew a decent coffee."

Somehow Jack wasn't surprised. "So...er... next time we stick to stripping yeah?"

Ianto didn't want to nod, the movement was just too unpleasant. "I think that might be wise, sir. Owen will otherwise diagnose PTSD and I will never hear the last of it."

Jack was frowning. "Ianto in what way am I traumatic?"

"Post Tequilla Sickness Disorder, sir. Owen suffers from it quite regularly. I think you might know it's more familiar term, being a fucking massive hangover....... sir, pardon my language."

Jack grinned, and then barked out a very loud laugh. Ianto scrunched his eyes up.

"Not in my ear Jack, please, too much noise and I am officially calling in sick."

Jack was still chuckling. "You're here already."

Ianto glanced about the tiny bathroom. "Only if I climb up that ladder."

Jack got to his feet and passed him a towel, kissing the top of his damp head. "I'll tell the others I gave you the day off."

Ianto smiled his thanks. "Wake me if anything urgent comes up Jack." Then he paused on seeing the lascivious look on Jack's face. "Except that!"

Jack pouted but wandered out of the room to get dressed anyway. "Get some sleep Yan."

Ianto dipped his head back down......_yep, right after I've finished offering up my tikka masala._


	16. Chapter 16

**POST TEQUILLA SICKNESS DISORDER II**

Owen was grumpy, still hungover from the night before and none of his colleagues seemed to be taking it into consideration as they went about their daily tasks.

Ianto fed Myfanwy, throwing pieces of fish from the upper levels and watching as she gracefully swooped in to gobble them up, squawking her enthusiasm as she went.

Tosh was experimenting with a low level sonic pulse weapon, namingly pressing buttons to measure the frequencies, loud frequencies.

Gwen was jabbering away on the phone, liasing with some one or another in the outside world.

And Jack.... Jack was singing loudly, tunelessly and thoroughly annoyingly because he could, because he was the boss and because he knew it would annoy the hell out of his medic.

Owen realised rather dismally that there was stuff all he could do about it. It was his own fault, a wager had been lost and a litre of 70 percent proof something from Slovakia had been consumed. Not only did Jack not die, but he didn't get drunk either...... Ianto HAD warned him. Owen only had himself to blame, thinking that whimpey Tea Boy just couldn't hold his liquor. Trouble was Ianto had confessed as much and vowed rather loudly never to get drunk again, but Owen was a hard man with a pickled liver to prove it. Jack just looked to be too poncey to be a hardened drinker like himself.

Note to self, never bet with Ianto.... he really DOES know everything!

Owen literally buried his head in his mound of paperwork and closed his eyes in an attempt to keep the tiles in the walls from sporadically rearranging themselves liked some fucked up Tantric puzzle. He rolled his head from side to side in a futile effort to massage his aching brain and winced at the sound of a particularly high pitched screech from the leather bird. Somehow he knew he was being punished for something and he half suspected that Ianto had deliberately planted the seed of challenge to get him into this rather pitiful state. Ianto was crafty like that.....pain and suffering by proxy, the bastard. Owen rolled his head again and let out a long sigh, the paperwork really wasn't that comfortable. He didn't move, however. Instead he sat there and plotted his revenge, maybe give the leather bird a laxative..... or give Jack one....or Ianto, or all three of them. Not terribly subtle, but very effective... effective is good, perhaps not the leather bird though. That could be.... messy. Owen drifted off to sleep dreaming of payback.


	17. Chapter 17

**Ianto Jones: Cat Whisperer**

Ianto had always prided himself on being a calm, collected individual who managed to get through his hectic life looking relatively unruffled and in control, but there were the odd occasions when such things, like his obssesive neatness and organisational skills did let him down. Like the time his mam caught him with his little hand quite literally in the cookie jar, or when the store detective had grabbed him by the scruff like a kitten and yanked him off to the store mangers office. Worse still when he'd forgotten to close his mouth before thinking out loud what he really thought of the judge. These few weakness in his life sat in his memory like a score sheet of shame. He likened them to black marks on a school report, and more worryingly like little chinks in his armour. Today his armour was incredibly dented, his calm had turned tail and ran and his suit (His second of the day) was a tattered mess. Lets be honest he was having a shit day, one that had only got worse on a whole number of levels. His back ached, his legs ached, his head was pounding and he really couldn't recall what day of the week it was let alone what his name was. Normally he'd be blaming Jack, because usually when he got in a mess it was invariably Jack's fault. It had all started first thing that morning; he only had himself to blame, or more accurately his absolute misbelieve that he was capable of climbing a tree to rescue his neighbour's tabby cat.

Ianto liked cats. Ianto liked Mrs Willis too. She was a nice old lady who had a bit of a thing for Jack (who didn't?) and she had an even bigger thing for young Ianto, the sweet boy who put her rubbish out and occasionally ran to the shops for her.

Fatty, her cat, was an entirely different matter.

Fatty was fat, he was also heavy and very bad tempered. That morning Ianto had watched rather dispassionately as the beast was chased up the tree in his front garden by Broderick, the Irish wolf hound who lived across the road and very often made a bid for freedom. He was a nice playful dog that, more than once, Ianto had returned to the young couple that claimed to own him. The little drama played out before him like some Disney comedy resulting in Fatty crouching in the upper most branches of the Ash hissing ferociously down at the happily barking hound. Ianto sipped on his coffee chuckling as Mrs Willis toddled out of her house with a broom in hand beating at said dog. The dog was enjoying itself immensely grabbing the brush and wagging his tail. Ianto watched the show with no small degree of pleasure until a very harassed Trisha bounded across the street to incarcerate her errant mut. At this point Ianto realised that Jack was standing beside him rubbing a caress over his backside with the palm of his hand and standing bollock naked in the window next to him. Ianto of course was fully suited and booted ready to set off for work when he turned and took in Jack's state.

"Get some clothes on, you'll scare the natives!"

One good squeeze of his butt cheek later and Jack was gone giggling all the way to the shower. It was then that Ianto noticed Mrs Willis heading in the direction of his front door. He half wondered if she'd spotted a naked Jack in the window as he went to answer it.

"Mrs Willis, everything alright?"

She gave him a plaintive look. "It's my Fatty, he's stuck in your tree, that wretched dog chased him again. Can you get him down for me, please?"

Ianto never could resist a pretty face or in this case the chance to be chivalrous and polite, just like his Tad had taught him. He stepped out and pulled the door closed behind him and wandered down the path to the base of the tree and looked up. He could see an angry feline face peering down at him and snarling. That should have been warning enough.

"Don't worry Mrs Willis, I'll have him down in no time." Ianto smiled and started to climb. He was used to this, he'd climbed this tree many times since owning the house, though this was the first time he'd been wearing expensive leather shoes and a handmade suit. It didn't matter of course the very nature of his job had trained him to expect the unexpected and to take on any challenge thrown at him in the face of great peril and against all odds. Just another day, another tree, another.......

Ianto hesitated, the growl from above sounded more weevil like than cat like and he glanced up at the puffed up moggy with the first glimmerings of apprehension. It was just a cat and most annoyingly it reversed along the branch, increasing the distance, hissing and flicking the end of its tail as it went. Ianto pulled himself up a bit higher and discovered he was finally eye level with Fatty. Fatty's yellow eyes were narrowed into slits and his ears were flattened against his round head. There was that growl again, a rumbling that Ianto would swear he could feel resonating along the branch.

"You alright dear?"

Ianto looked down at Mrs Willis and sincerely wished he hadn't. Vertigo gripped at his innards and the ground sort of tilted for a moment. "Yes, fine thanks." He sucked in a breath and looked back into the evils eyes in front of him. Ianto held out a hand.

"Here puss puss, come on." He called sweetly adding little cute chirping noises.

Fatty growled and flicked his tail. He crouched down sinking long claws into the bark to secure his purchase on his perch. A hiss escaped him revealing long gleaming canines and a pink tongue.

Ianto shuddered, suddenly feeling rather vulnerable, then matters just got worse.

"Jones, Ianto Jones.... what ARE you doing up there?"

Ianto's heart sank, there was no way to chicken out of this now with Jack looking up at him, no doubt checking out his arse. Ianto edged his way forwards and tried again, steadfastly ignoring Jack's presence below him. Fatty reared up and hissed dabbing with open claws at the outstretched hand coming for him.

"Ow!" Ianto rapidly withdrew his hand and lost his footing, slipping down a bit to the resounding ripping of his pants. His arms flailed for a moment and he grabbed a branch to steady himself before looking down at the damage.

"Shit."

The sound of laughter floated up and Ianto glared, first at Fatty and then at Jack, who was beaming up at him.

"Need a hand there Ianto?"

Bastard!

"No thanks Jack, I'm fine."

Jack went back to chatting with Mrs Willis, flirting no doubt, that man had no morals.

Ianto levered himself back up and heard another rip and felt a tugging at his sleeve where his arm had snagged on something when he had slipped. He sighed resigning himself to the ruination of yet another suit and this one he couldn't even claim on the Torchwood expense account, not that he was supposed to with the others.... well not officially anyway. With a lunge he bagged Fatty by the scruff. The cat growled and hissed, paws and claws flailing and Ianto yanked him forwards and tried cradling him against his chest. Fatty was having none of it as a freshly sharpened set of talons tore through his lilac shirt and the skin of his chest. Rather shocked by the pain, Ianto released the cat which then clawed its way over his head and down his back, extended talons all the way. It took a flying leap and landed perfectly on the ground below and shot off into its house. Ianto slumped against the branch, his eyes watering from his wounds. Once calm he realised that Mrs Willis was calling up to him.

"Oh thank you Ianto." She toddled off, presumably to comfort that nasty, evil feline. Ianto sighed and slowly eased himself down. He was extremely relieved to be back on terra firma until he caught the look on Jack's face.

"What?!"

Jack's hand went over his mouth, to stifle the laugh. He failed, miserably. Ianto, thoroughly disgruntled stomped back into his house with Jack at his heels.

"Come on Yan, let me patch you up before we go back to the Hub."

Ianto was studying himself in the mirror. There was a long scratch down his face, another running down his forehead into his hairline, at least four across his chest, not mention his destroyed clothes, which Jack very kindly helped him out of.

"I'll tell them it was a weevil." Jack murmured, kissing his shoulder. "They need never know."

Ianto wondered into the bathroom, deciding a shower was in order to clean the cuts, realising that Jack had enough bribery material there to last a month.


	18. Chapter 18

**JOURNEY ONE......**

Ianto and Owen stood side by side, back packs at their feet, looking thoroughly cheesed off with the world and Virgin Trains. Owen was then focussing his glare steadfastly on the Tea Boy.

"Why the fuck didn't we book flights instead?" He snapped.

Ianto heaved out a long suffering sigh and faced his doomed travelling companion, "None available at such short notice and the budget doesn't stretch to charters, sorry." He wasn't at all sorry for Owen's benefit, but he was pretty pissed off because he just wanted to get out of Scotland and back home to his nice comfy flat. "Jack's going to go loopy."

He sat down on the concrete floor of the flat form and proceeded to pull a packet of fags and a lighter out of his jacket pocket. Owen sighed and squatted down beside him.

"You realise you are a complete slob when you are not at work, this is a side to you I didn't think could ever exist." Owen commented getting comfortable by using his backpack as a pillow.

Ianto pulled out his lap top and fired up his internet, cigarette dangling from between his lips.

"Jack hates it when I'm like this, reckons I'm a different person."

Owen flopped over on to his side and glared along the length of the platform and the empty train tracks. "You ARE a different person. You certainly know how to handle Archie."

"Glenlevit, every time. Shame really I can't stand the stuff, more of a Jack Daniels man myself. I never dress up when I come to Scotland, the office is a mess, it's filthy and I can't afford to ruin another suit, having just bought a flat. Cardiff's fucking expensive these days."

"Yep and it's still a shit hole. Didn't know you'd bought a flat though." Owen replied a little taken aback by the swearing.

Ianto sighed as he scanned his emails. "You know, dealing with the shit that comes through the rift was easier than doing business with an estate agent, especially when Jack's tagging along, flirting the girl's knickers off. Got me a good price mind, I think she was a bit distracted. Jack can be quite handy to have around sometimes."

He began entering a reply to his sister, dragging on the fag occasionally as he typed away.

"I didn't know you smoked either, even I don't do that!"

Ianto hesitated sucking in a deep breath of nicotine. "I don't do it very often, 'cause Jack moans about that too, like I have an abundance of pleasures in my life. I only do it when I know I am going to be nowhere near him." He went back to his typing.

"You sound like a married couple."

Ianto hissed at that. "Bullshit. Jack just likes to get his own way and it's easier for me if he thinks he's getting it. He can be extremely demanding sometimes...shit."

Owen sat up and leaned over Ianto's shoulder. He was reading an email from Jack that had just come through.

_Yan,_

_Hope you boys are home soon, the place is very lonely without you. Myfanwy's having separation anxiety and Gwen is being rather flirtatious.... God did I just say that? Get your arse back here now!_

_CJH_

_PS. I hope you're not smoking!_

Ianto typed his reply

_Jack,_

_Owen and I will be about 4 hours later than planned, some problem with the trains, we're still in Glasgow as I write this. I can't imagine Gwen flirting..... really Jack, behave, for once..... Kiss her and see what kind of a reaction you get..... ok maybe not!_

_Remind me never come to Scotland again! Owen says hi and why the fuck can't we fly next time.... I did explain...._

_Will see you tomorrow. The sale went through, by the way. I can pick up the flat keys on Friday, so I'll need a couple of days to move house next week._

_IJ_

Owen watched as Ianto sent the message then he went back to gazing about the Station.

"Coffee?"

Ianto nodded and pulled out a fiver from his jeans pocket and handed it to Owen. "Triple shot latte. I'll stay here with the bags, got some admin to catch up with."

Owen got to his feet and wandered off in the direction of Costa.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Gwen glared at the coffee machine. It sat there like a beast on the work top, goading her into touching it's gleaming flanks, but Gwen resisted. Jack would have to have instant whether he liked it or not. Not would definitely be the case. Jack was rubbish without his caffeine, he was doubly rubbish without Ianto there to make it. She glanced at her watch. Owen and Ianto were not due back for at least another four hours, their train had been delayed due to signal failure and Jack's tetchiness had sky rocketed when Ianto had emailed him with the news from Glasgow Central earlier that day. The trouble was she knew full well that Owen and Ianto would be just as grumpy as Jack was now, when they got back. They hated Glasgow, more accurately the Glasgow office, more accurately Major Archie Cavanagh, former SAS and MI5 and the bane of Ianto's short life. Ianto wasn't intimidated by anyone except Archie. Even Owen was scared of him and Jack was downright terrified of the man, which was why he was still in Cardiff and Ianto and Owen were on their way back from a torturous week North of the border. Gwen was not amused when she realised that within half a day of coffee and sex depravation Jack was as bad tempered as a bear with a bee up its backside. She had really been looking forward to Ianto's absence, thinking it would give her the chance to distract Jack with her big eyes and long lashes. She had flirted outrageously and thoroughly enjoyed the attention it got, but it had only gone so far as Jack flirting back with both her and Tosh. Ianto was obviously his man and more than once she caught Jack in his office conversing with her younger countryman over the phone, one of the conversations sounding remarkably like phone sex. So Gwen contented herself with having fun and then running home to Rhys each night to remind herself why she was in that relationship and not with Jack. By the end of the week, she was eternally grateful for her choices and wondered how in God's name Ianto put up with Jack's childish pouting and sulking when things didn't go his way. Things like coffee and sex. She had almost been tempted to ask Jack if he was doing anyone on the side, just to satisfy herself that Ianto really wasn't 'his man', but soon changed her mind when she caught Jack looking at a photo of him whilst sat at his desk.........

_Gwen tentatively tapped on the office door as she entered the office, seeing that Jack was obvious preoccupied by the picture in his hand. He looked vaguely lost, almost vulnerable._

"_Jack, are you ok?"_

_He looked up and smiled brightly, somewhat forced._

"_Yes, Gwen what can I do for you?"_

_She shrugged and gestured to the photo. "Who is it?"_

_Jack passed it to her over the desk as she sat down. Gwen was more than a little surprised to see Ianto's face smiling shyly back her, a smile she's never seen before, one that reached his eyes. She looked up at Jack._

"_He looks happy there." She commented handing the picture back. Jack placed it on his desk._

"_I took it on my cell phone, last week. We were in Tesco of all places doing the bloody shopping for this place. I don't normally help him, but he'd had such a bad week with those ghost things and trying to sort out a family for that little boy. I can't even remember what I said to him, but he had that rare smile on his face. It was beautiful Gwen, just to see him like that."_

_Gwen leant back in her chair and watched her boss for a long moment before speakng._

"_Rhys has got this thing where he whistles, when he's just so content with everything it's lovely because the grin that goes with it is just so adorable."_

"_He's a good man Gwen."_

"_Rhys or Ianto?"_

_Jack smiled. "Both of them. He's only been away 5 days and I am missing him so much. I never thought I ever would feel that again."_

"_Well he'll be home on Friday, you'll be able to tell him then, after he's made us all a coffee though."_

"_Yeah, otherwise you'll be waiting a while." He winked and Gwen just blushed and got up._

"_Too much info Jack."_

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Owen ambled back with two coffees clutched in his hands and was surprised to discover a young girl sitting on the floor next to Ianto laughing loudly with a hand across her stomach. There was a suitcase near by and Owen rolled his eyes at Ianto's apparent ability to pick up pretty girls even when he wasn't on the pull. He was still working at his laptop as he exchanged a dialogue with her, both of them smoking now and the girl sporting a bottle of Bud in her other hand. Owen passed Ianto his coffee and Ianto looked up smiling his thanks.

"Owen, this is Jules, she's waiting for the same train as us."

Owen parked himself beside the new arrival and extended his hand. "Hi there, you going to Cardiff as well?"

Jules shook her head and sucked on her cigarette. "Nah, just as far as Birmingham, shame really." She replied blowing out the smoke and making no effort to hide the fact that she was eyeing him up as much as she was Ianto. "I've just had my term break with the fogies, back at Uni on Monday."

"Great, what are you studying?" There was no point in being rude after all.

Jules flicked back a straggle of hair and blew out another puff of smoke. "That's an original question.... is that always your first pick up line?" She asked with a grin.

Owen gaped at then returned the smile, "Ok, then bottom or top?"

She laughed heartily. "On the bunk beds, always the top, with a bloke....I'm easy, of course gay boy here looks innovative so I'd try everything with him. He your boyfriend?"

Ianto spat out a mouthful of coffee, narrowly missing the keypad of his lap top.

"I obviously don't look like a man of taste, you see why I wear the suits now don't you."

Jules looked from to the other of her two new companions. "So, you shagging him or what?"

"Not." Owen replied rather surprised by her bluntness so early on in the conversation. "I am not gay."

"Neither am I, just a bit more flexible than you Owen." Ianto abandoned his emails and closed up the computer, stuffing it into his pack with a lazy smile on his face.

"Tea Boy I did not need that image."

Jules was fascinated now. "Tea Boy.... what's this some sort of BDSM Fetish thing you've got going?"

Owen and Ianto's eyes met and they both started laughing, it took a moment for them to calm themselves and Jules contented herself by finishing her beer and enjoying the delayed journey home.

"I'm a secretary, Owen is our Doctor and he calls me Tea Boy." Ianto explained.

Jules grinned even more. "But you're gay right?"

Ianto arched an eyebrow. "Do I look it? Is there some random label attached to my forehead I was previously unaware of?"

Owen was laughing even harder. "Yep it's called Jack and it's normally attached to your ar........"

"Owen, there are ladies present!"

Jules joined in with Owen's hysterics whilst Ianto shook his head and blushed furiously.

Ianto's mobile started ringing and he pulled it out of his jeans pocket. It was Jack.

"Hey Ianto."

Ianto frowned at the tone of Jack's voice and got to his feet switching over to his blue tooth and wondering away from Owen and Jules.

"Jack, everything ok?"

There was a long pause and Ianto discovered he was holding his breath.

"Jack?"

He could hear a sigh. "Yep, things here are quiet. Tosh is having a day off and Gwen is doing her liason thing with PC Andy. I just wanted to check that you were ok. I know Archie can be..... well a bit abrasive."

Ianto found himself smiling as he toed at a piece of dirt on the concrete floor. "Archie wasn't too bad. I've requisitioned a couple of small items from his store and I promised him I'd do a month up at 'the House' sometime over the summer. It's chaos in there and really needs sorting."

"Yeah, we sort of neglected things after Yvonne's regime. Maybe we need a permanent archivist up there."

Ianto's gut clenched for a moment.

"You'll have to scout some potentials Ianto, you'll have a better idea about the skills base for that sort of thing than I do."

He relaxed again. "Yeah."

"So.... the new house eh?"

Ianto nodded. "It'll be nice to get moved, be closer to the Plas, means I can walk to work."

"Means we both can."

"I'd like that Jack."

"Me too."

XXXXXXXxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Jack was smiling into the receiver as he spoke, leaning back into his chair.

"Has Owen been behaving?"

He could hear the sounds of the station behind Ianto's voice.

"He's fine Jack. He bought us coffees and he's sitting with our bags talking to a student who doesn't realise he is dead. It's the first time we've laughed together for months. He looks normal Jack, even though he can't drink the coffee, he's got it there in his hands and he is..... I hope he is going to be ok. I think he will be."

Jack couldn't help but detect a slight melancholy there, but he knew out of all of the team, Ianto would be the best person to help Owen come to terms with his changes.

"You treat him like he's normal, like he's Owen. I think he appreciates it."

"He IS Owen.... bollocks my battery is about to die. Will I see you tonight?"

Jack was smiling. "I'll wait up for you."

**AN: A COMPLETELY RANDOM AND PLOTLESS PIECE! BECAUSE I CAN :-)**


	19. Chapter 19

Ianto couldn't quite believe he was doing it really. It was the kind of thing that happened in a toddlers fairy tale book, talking to small furry animals was just too much of a Disney cliché and he had to exert a massive force of will not to giggle at the ferret like creature sitting on his desk....... talking to him. Not only did it look like a ferret, it was ferret sized with little shoes on its back feet, rings on its front toes and a brilliant green velvet jacket on its back. It was just too wacky to be true and he knew he should be doubting his own sanity but for the fact that Gwen was similarly engaged in conversation with the little guy too. He was quite a chatty ferret or 'Bullaset Cat' as he was known locally on Bullaset which was somewhere light years away. However, the poor thing was lost, a victim of the unforgiving Rift left on a world where at best he would be adopted as a pet, at worst used for rabbiting down some filthy burrow by a local farmer. The trouble was 'Dobble' was actually rather cute with his sandy fur and distinctive arrow shaped striped face and pink nose. He tolerated Gwen gently rubbing his head with her finger tips but drew the line at being picked up and cuddled, it was most undignified. Ianto just felt sorry for the poor creature who was obviously highly intelligent and articulate. Ianto wondered what they should do with him and the question was soon resolved with a well placed call to London. The following day Sarah Jane Smith and Luke arrived to collect him and give him a home.

Jack was very glad to see the back of the problem, he really did not like ferrets, cats, dogs or any other furry animals for that matter. Owen and Tosh had also avoided contact with the thing and Owen had simply dismissed it as a rat. Ianto found himself thinking that the ferret had been better company than his colleagues..... no surprises there really.

With the creature gone Jack emerged from his office and sent everyone home. Things were quiet for a change and they all needed a break. Tommy was due to be woken up in a few days time and then there was a UNIT conference that he and Ianto were due to attend the following week. The gang needed a break and Jack was only too happy to give them one.

Ianto decided to walk to the supermarket to get some supplies on his way home.

He was still a little edgy around Jack. Their leader had been only been back from his adventure with the Doctor for a few weeks and it was obvious to them all that he was having some trouble settling back in. It was little things, like his shorter temper, that sometimes sudden noises would make him jump and the fact that he was constantly rubbing at his wrists. The others had turned to Ianto for answers and Gwen at one point rather smugly declared that Jack only ever confided in her, but then admitted she didn't know anything either.

The problem was Ianto did know, the first few weeks Jack was back he had asked to stay at Ianto's flat, wanting to be able to get out of the confines and sounds of the Hub. Ianto had reluctantly agreed to Jack staying in his spare room when he needed to, which had been almost every night. And every night Ianto had lie alone in his own bed listening to Jack's nightmares play out through his desperate cries and pleas for mercy. Unnerved and upset by the noise he had ended up in bed with Jack, holding him and soothing him back into wakefulness and he finally began to piece together exactly what it was that had happened. They never actually talked about it. Ianto understood better than most that talking wasn't always the best way to deal with such things. He also knew that Jack would only talk when he was ready to. Each time Jack awoke he found himself wrapped in a comforting embrace and as soon as he was settled Ianto went back to his own bed to sleep. Ianto didn't know what else to do. No one had been there for him after Canary Wharf had burned, that loneliness had nearly driven him to suicide so many times, even with Lisa's life in the balance as it was. He simply didn't want Jack to feel the same as he had.

Unbeknown to him Jack appreciated that more than anything, because the young man had made no demands and asked no questions. He had simply said.

"If you need me, I am here, make yourself at home."

That sentence had rattled around Ianto's head for weeks now and he perused it again as he found himself shopping for two and adding things to his trolley specifically because he knew Jack liked them and drew comfort from them. Silly things, like Jaffa Cakes and bananas, which Ianto couldn't stand himself. He'd even cooked meals for them both and it was getting to be rather too domestic for comfort. It wasn't that he minded. Jack was important to him and Ianto was fully aware of the fact that he was in love with the man. However, he didn't know where he stood and what their current non sexual arrangement actually meant. It was weird to say the least because Jack flirted as normal when they were at the Hub. In Ianto's flat there was no trace of it. They barely talked, unless it was it was about mundane things like the weather or the Welsh Rugby results over a meal. It was so unbelievably normal that it felt completely wrong in every sense, but Ianto knew that Jack needed this wrongness. It appeared to be the one thing holding him together, and if that was what it took to help him get through his Torchwood days then that was what Ianto would do, shopping, cooking and all. The spare room in his flat had become Jack's space and Ianto was pleasantly surprised at how tidy Jack kept it, even more so by the fact that he did clean up the kitchen after himself without Ianto having to ask. Jack didn't wreck the spines of his precious books by leaving them open on the coffee table to mark his place in the text. And he absolutely never went into Ianto's bedroom without knocking on the door first. It made no sense in a strange comforting, disquieting way.

Ianto turned into the deli ailse, deciding he'd make a nice salad for dinner that night and he stood there leaning against the trolley examining the different cheeses. He loved cheese, it was like loving decent wine, without the hangover. Though this years 'Oyster Bay' chardonnay from New Zealand was exceptional. He was lost in his cheesey musings.

"Come here often?"

A breath in his ear and that distinctive American drawl snapped him upright. He turned, a startled smile gracing his pale face.

"Jack? What are you doing here?" He noted the basket in Jack's hands. There was a lot of chocolate in it.

Jack realised that Ianto was studying his shopping choices. "I thought you'd like a treat." He grinned a little too wolfishly.

Ianto arched his eyebrows. "That's a lot of......"

"That's for Myfanwy. I was thinking cheese for you. But if you'd prefer something darker, more mysterious and definitely sweeter, you've always got me."

Ianto met his eyes and was taken aback by the hopeful look there, a certain sadness. He offered up a faint up curving of his lips.

"Keep talking."

Encouraged Jack edged a pace forwards and placed his basket in Ianto's trolley. Ianto ignored the fact that the fresh loaf had just been flattened, especially when Jack's fingers graced his cheek with the lightest of touches.

"Can we go home?"

Ianto nodded, suddenly worried by the apparent quiet plea. "Of course. Just let me do this, won't take long."

Jack fell into step beside him, taking over the pushing of the trolley whilst Ianto picked a few more things out for dinner. Twenty minutes later they were unloading the bags from his car and going into the neat little flat. They unpacked the shopping in companionable silence and then Ianto set about making coffee. It was an ingrained ritual with him, usually required to recover from the stresses of the supermarket. Jack took his seat at the breakfast bar and watched as Ianto worked. Finally the aroma of the wonderful brew floated around the room and Jack closed his eyes and relaxed against the bench, resting his chin on his hands and smiling contentedly. A mug was placed between his elbows a moment later and Ianto sat opposite him with a mug of his own in his hand. They watched one another for an indeterminate length of time before Jack resolved to speak.

"Thank you." It was all he could think of. The only two words that were complete inadequate for what he wanted to say.

Ianto sipped at his coffee and then smiled. "You're welcome."

Jack watched him intently again and Ianto found himself strangely comforted by the intensity of the look, the honesty of it. He knew full well what Jack was trying to say.

"One day, Ianto, I will tell you what happened."

Ianto lowered his mug. "Only when you are ready to Jack."

Appearing to gain some confidence Jack continued. "I'm not sorry I left. But I am sorry that leaving the way I did hurt you all. I wasn't thinking about any of you when I did that."

Cautiously Ianto reached out a hand palm up and Jack grasped it like a life line. It hurt, but Ianto didn't let it show.

"You forgave me over Lisa and you pulled me back from God knows whatever darkness it was that I was so deeply submerged in, but before she died there was no one Jack. I never thought anything could be so bad. You saved me. I can't claim to be able to do that for you, but..... I'm here, I always will be. You don't owe me any explanations Jack if you don't want to give them. I just want you to know that if you do want to, I'll listen."

Jack nodded, there was just something about the young man before him that engendered his trust like no one else ever had and he understood that Ianto had seen too much and understood far more than he should do for someone so young. He pulled Ianto's hand to his lips and brushed the fingers with a gentle kiss.

"Thank you."

**AN: ANOTHER PLOTLESS MOMENT...WELL SELF INDULGENCE REALLY. THANK YOU FOR THE REVIEWS OF THE LAST ONE!**


	20. Chapter 20

**LEGACY**

It had been his first trip back to London since Canary Wharf. Ianto hadn't wanted to go. London, the thought of the place always made him feel slightly claustrophobic, it wasn't just his personal history with the place either. Truth was he had some good memories of London, mainly because of Lisa. He just didn't like large expanses of urban sprawl. Ianto liked to be able to see the ocean and a smattering of green on his horizons and London simply didn't have that. The place always smelt of ozone and left him feeling grimy and in need of a shower. He stood there on Westminster Bridge looking along the brown length of the Thames as it snaked away toward the East. He could see all the familiar landmarks but the one his eyes automatically sought out, shone like a beacon and he felt his gut clench. It was a cruel reminder of just how easily life went on. Ianto turned away and slowly walked in the direction Parlment, one hand shoved deep in his pocket, the other clutching a case packed with reports for the minister of defence and UNIT. It was one of those meeting that Jack had been trying to wriggle out of for months. Finally it had fallen to Ianto, mostly because Jack didn't want to go and partially because Ianto was the only one capable of handling it. Jack had made a big show for weeks about the whole thing being a tedious waste of time, but Ianto knew his boss well. Jack was fully aware of how good Ianto actually was at these meetings and Ianto knew it to. Working for Yvonne Hartman had taught him that much. Part of him, a very small part, was extremely pleased that Jack actually trusted him enough to do this. The other part of part was just relieved to be doing it.....last time Jack had attended one of these sessions, the damage control had taken weeks. Jack had no patience and zero tolerance of anyone even slightly bigoted, a general had called Ianto a 'puffter' and Ianto had had to hold Jack down to stop the fists from flying. Ianto had exacted his own revenge in the form of a well placed laxative. The damage, however, had been done and ever since Jack had made that man's life absolute Hell by throwing every piece of burocratic crap his way that he could muster. It flattered and terrified Ianto all at once and made him realise just how protective of his team Jack could be. Jack had admitted that it also made him realise that Ianto should handle the meetings from then on because he could hold his temper in check. Ianto smiled to himself at the memory.

He glanced at his watch, pleased that he'd be early enough to check in with Charley before the meeting. Charley was an old University friend who had gone straight into politics after graduating; he'd landed his first job at Number 10 just weeks after his exams and hadn't looked back since. He and his partner Ryan had recently adopted their first child. Ianto had to confess to envying the normality of it, even if they were a gay couple. Family was something Ianto had abandoned the idea of when Lisa had been converted. Some things were just not meant to be. Still, at least his sister had two kids and he got to be an Uncle on his days off from Torchwood. Even Owen enjoyed seeing Ianto's nieces and sometimes Tosh would come with him when he took them out for day trips. It was the only normality that they had, the rare chance to touch base with their humanity. Ianto had been surprised at how much Tosh enjoyed those times. Even Jack made the most of it, chasing the girls round the swings in the park and spoiling them with ice creams and little gifts.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Jack stretched out the kink in his back and then leaned over the railing to watch what Owen was doing down below him. A Rift alert had brought them an alien corpse of a species that no one recognised, so Owen was doing the honours on the autopsy table. The Londoner was whistling happily to himself as he worked. Put off by the rancid smell the girls had retreated to their desks to finish the reports that had back logged over the last couple of extremely busy weeks. Jack almost jumped when his mobile rang and pulled it out of his pocket and frowned when he saw that the caller was Ianto, who should be on the train home by now.

"Hey, Ianto." Jack was grinning as he made his way up to his office for some privacy.

"Hey, Jack. Look I've only just got out of this meeting so I'll be Staying at the Lethbridge Stewart house tonight as we're reconvening in the morning for a couple of hours." Ianto sounded tired.

"What's going on?" He heard Ianto heave a sigh down the phone.

"This line isn't secure Jack. I'll debrief everyone when I get back tomorrow. It's nothing urgent, just the usual protocols that go with this crap....sorry did I just say that?"

Jack had to smile; Ianto clearly wanted to rant but was unable to do so. "You ok?"

"Honestly Jack? No I am not." There was a long pause. "I really think you should be there tomorrow." He added.

Jack sat up in his chair immediately concerned. "You'll be at Alastair's tonight?"

"Yes Jack."

"Ok, tell him I'll be joining you....don't worry, we're old friends he's used to me turning up out of the blue. Anything you want me to bring with me?"

"No, just a change of clothes....I'll see you later." Ianto hung up.

Jack pocketed his phone, wondering what on Earth had been going on. He had a very bad feeling about this, it wasn't at all like Ianto to sound so.... emotional. He lurched to his feet and grabbed his Webley, holstering it and then he went and got his coat. It would only take him a few hours to drive to Berkshire; he'd be there by 10pm. He stepped out of his office with Ianto's car keys in his hand.

"I have to go to London. There's a problem that Ianto needs me to deal with. I should be back tomorrow evening. Gwen you're in charge and remember to call UNIT if anything big happens."

The Two women looked at him in surprise.

"Is it serious Jack?" Tosh asked pulling off her glasses. "Is Ianto ok?"

Jack shrugged. "He wouldn't talk over the phone and no he isn't ok. I'll call you when I get there and let you know how he is." He was grateful for her concern.

"Give him our love; hope it isn't something horrible Jack." Gwen added. "And don't fret we can handle things here."

Jack nodded his thanks despite his reluctance to leave Cardiff; he knew full well that Ianto would not have asked him to unless it WAS important.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Much to Jack's surprise Ianto was standing outside in the cold night waiting for him to arrive. He glided to a gentle halt in Ianto's Lexus outside the Georgian house and stepped out of Ianto's car with a brief glance at his watch. It was almost midnight; the traffic had been hell due to an accident on the M4. Ianto was standing there toeing at the gravel looking tight with stress. Jack stepped forwards with a grin on his face which Ianto could clearly see under the harsh garden lights. The young man's relief was obvious.

"Thanks for coming Jack."

Uncaring about anyone seeing Jack just pulled him into a fierce hug and kissed the top of his head. Ianto folded into the embrace and finally felt comforted for the first time since the day had begun. They stood in the cold, not speaking until Jack finally registered the fact that Ianto was shivering.

"Come on let's get in the warm and you can tell me what the hec is going on."

Ianto eased himself back and nodded. "Alastair has gone to bed; he'll fill you in on his side of things in the morning." He was clearly nervous and that worried Jack more than anything. Ianto lead them into the old house and closed and locked the door behind them against the chilly night. Jack loved the old house, having been here many times throughout his long life and grasping Ianto's hand they walked to the lounge and settled themselves on the couch in front of the roaring fire.

"Would you like some coffee Jack?"

Jack shook his head. "Talk first, coffee later. What is going on?"

Ianto toed off his shoes and drew his knees up gracefully tucking his legs under him. It was a rare thing, to see him curled up like that.

"Torchwood 4 are back in operation."

Jack faced him with a frown reaching a hand out that Ianto instantly took.

"Explain."

Ianto was worrying his lower lip. "Torchwood 4 didn't disappear in the way that Yvonne Hartman led everyone to believe. The group was lead by a man called Aaron Baile. They were a team of specialists, hit men who had free reign to come and go as they pleased. Their missions were simple. Torchwood One would give them a name, a photo, a DNA sample...whatever and they would track the person/alien down and then dispose of them, quickly and efficiently. It was assumed that they disbanded after Canary Wharf. Anyway, UNIT have been investigating a series of deaths and disappearances..... Baile's name came up."

Jack was staring at him. "So what is the problem?"

"Yvonne tried to transfer me to Torchwood 4. It seemed at the time that Baile had been watching me, thought that with the right weapons training that I'd be perfect for his team. I point blank refused to go, even took a demotion and pay cut, Lisa and I were getting serious and I just didn't want to leave London. So Yvonne made me their liaison. I was the one who had to pass on Torchwood's orders to Baile. I'm probably the only person alive who actually knows what he looks like. UNIT had CCTV footage, Baile was on it. I denied any knowledge and wanted to talk to you before proceeding."

Jack appeared to be digesting all this with a measure of disgust on his face. "You were part of Torchwood 4?"

Ianto pulled his hand away from Jack's grasp. "No. Yvonne made me their liaison as a punishment, she was furious that I'd turned it down. Yvonne Hartman was not someone to be defied lightly. At the outset I didn't actually know what Torchwood 4 did, I only found out after I started the liaison job. The point is Jack; they are out there still killing without authority and quite frankly without reason. They're hitting friendly targets, taking out aliens who have settled peacefully on Earth because they've not had the luxury of being able to get home. It's something we have to deal with; I just didn't know if it was something you wanted Torchwood to handle itself, I know how you feel about Yvonne's regime. I wanted to tell you myself, before you found out the long way." He couldn't look Jack in the eye in the face of yet another sordid revelation about his Torchwood One past.

Sensing, well it was difficult to miss, Ianto's discomfort Jack took his hand back and squeezed it.

"It's ok Ianto, really it's ok."

Ianto shook his head. "No, it isn't Jack. I was complacent and made no effort to establish contact with Baile's unit after Canary Wharf fell. I just left it and now innocents are dying and I am not even certain how long that has been going on."

Jack reached forwards and grasped the younger mans chin forcing their eyes to meet. "You had other more pressing concerns at the time. This isn't your doing. If Baile and his team have gone rogue it is by their own choice. Tomorrow we'll tell UNIT everything we know and offer to help to put a stop to his activities."

Ianto failed to hide his surprise. "You sure about that?"

Jack nodded. "They'll figure out it's connects to us at some point. It'll make things a lot easier if UNIT are given our blessing to wrap it up as quickly as possible. It'll help our relations with them as well if we are seen to be co-operating with them."

Jack was pleased to note the drop in tension around Ianto's shoulders, but his beautiful blues cast downwards once again.

"I thought you'd be angry with me."

Jack roughly pulled Ianto on to his lap and held him tightly. Ianto sighed resting his head against Jack's shoulder.

"I'm not angry Ianto with you Ianto, it's just we keep having to clean up Yvonne's fuck ups. It's not your fault Ianto. You mustn't think that it is."

Deep down Ianto knew this of course but he still felt the guilt of his survival and felt responsible for all those mistakes because he WAS still alive, in some strange way he knew he should be the one to fix them as if to justify his own existence. He settled himself against Jack wrapping his arms around his waist and closing his eyes, his exhaustion finally kicking in.

"I'm sorry I dragged you all the way over from Cardiff. It was selfish of me, I know I should have dealt with it, but I......."

Jack's fingers were carding through his hair. "Shhh, it's ok. I'm glad you called me and more than happy to be here."

Somehow Ianto managed to dredge up a faint smile from somewhere, knowing that Jack would put everything to rights once again. He drifted off to sleep.


	21. Chapter 21

**PARRALLEL**

The one thing about parallel universes is that nothing is quite what you expect. Subtle changes you can get your head around, like a desk in a different place, or the resident pteranodon being called Idris. Ianto had not been even slightly surprised by this until his counterpart had stepped into that other hub with a tray of Starbuck's coffees in his mechanical hand. Ianto had stood there beside the water tower that dominated the main area of the Hub with his mouth hanging open in shock. There he was in the flesh, a partially converted man with all his humanity intact and to make matters worse there was Lisa hot on his heels with no evidence of ever having met a Cyberman let alone being rearranged by one. It shocked him to the core as alternative Jack raced forwards to retrieve his coffee, with Suzie a mere step behind. They were laughing amongst themselves until their Dr Harper took in the look on Ianto's white face.

"Oh, shit mate.....are you ok, you look like......."

Ianto fainted into their Jack's arms.

When he came round everything was back as it should be, Jack, Owen, Tosh and finally Gwen hovering around him with extremely worried looks on their faces. Ianto blinked at them, confused by what had happened.

"Jack?"

"It's ok, you made it home. Everything is fine. You blacked out, have been out for a few hours."

Everything wasn't fine though. That night Ianto dreamt of Lisa whole and healthy and all he wanted to do was to run back across the dimensions and find her. He woke and cried into his pillows completely uncomforted by the strong arms wrapped around his trembling body. Owen's presence was of no comfort whatsoever and what the hell was he doing there in his bed anyway?

**Am toying with this as an idea.... Don't worry only three weeks of term left then I can finish my other stories properly...they are not forgotten...so thank you for all of your patience.......Deeta**


	22. Chapter 22

**ONE SMALL STEP**

Owen watched the CCTV with something bordering on disinterest. The computer system had flagged up a potential suicide jumper who was currently stood on the top of the British Gas building. Owen had been bored and so he had flicked through Tosh's CCTV program until he found the appropriate camera feed so he could watch the drama unfold. He sat hunched in her chair half watching the screen as he fiddled with the mouse to get the zoom tool and sharper focus. The Hub was quiet that morning, Jack having told both Tosh and Gwen to stay at home to recover from the shock of the previous days business with a partially converted Lisa Hallet. Owen had felt unsettled from the moment he had arrived at work. There was no familiar smell of Ianto's amazing coffee brewing and no whistling from Jack's office. Owen knew Jack was there of course. The older man had been stomping about the Hub all morning complaining about instant coffee and the employees of Torchwood One. Jack was mad, Owen had never seen him so angry, but the medic had also caught the look of deep hurt in his boss' eyes and knew better than to ask. It was obvious Jack had been shagging their office boy and Owen was privately forced to wonder just how much Ianto had manipulated the situation from the start. What shocked Owen was the realisation that he would have done the exact same thing for Katie, if it had come to that. He couldn't blame the boy really, well he could; he had never actually liked Ianto. The young Welshman always struck him as being simpering and creepy, well at least now he knew why. Owen sighed and gazed forlornly at his mug of instant. Before Ianto he would've ingested anything with the word coffee attached. Yawning he returned his attention to the screen and almost fell off his seat.

"Jack! Get down here now." He bellowed as he gawped at the monitor.

Jack clattered down the steps from his office and stopped at Owen's side, resting a hand on the medic's shoulder. It took less than a second to process what he was looking at. Owen felt the grip on his shoulder tighten slightly.

"Let him jump. It'll save me the job of dealing with him." He spat out bitterly. Owen could hardly believe his ears.

"You don't mean that Jack, do you?"

Jack released his shoulder and took a pace back to distance himself from what they were watching.

"Every fucking word. He nearly killed us all, he DID betray us. If he wants to die, then let him."

Owen lurched to his feet and faced the Captain. "Just because your shag toy turned on you?"

Jack shoved his hands deep into his pockets. "He lied, he used me, he used all of us, this facility and two people, not counting Lisa are dead." His tone was resolute. Owen was faintly annoyed by his attitude and whilst he really couldn't stand Ianto, he could certainly see the value of him.

"That boy hid a conversion unit and his girlfriend from us for almost 7 months, fuck knows how he got her in here in the first place. He had us all completely fooled. He gained our trust, does ALL our paperwork and makes the best bloody coffee in Wales, aside from playing Torchwood chambermaid, skivvy and general clean up man..... Jack, he's useful. He's also suffering from extreme PTSD and has tried over the last half year to do anything to keep the woman he loves alive." Owen could see that Jack was still fuming, but his firm stance appeared to be weakening. "Jack, he's just a kid who's lost everything like I did with Katie, only for him it was much worse. He didn't betray us for greed or profit but for love and quite possibly because he was he was afraid to be without her. What would you have done? If you found the person you loved, still alive and talking, tangled up in that machinery what would you have done?"

Jack baulked. "The right thing; I would have put them down, stopped their suffering at the very least." He snapped.

Owen narrowed his eyes, not entirely convinced. "Bollocks, you'd move the universe to save them Jack. I've seen how you are, how protective you can be. Ianto watched all his mates and colleagues die that day, can you seriously imagine that he was sane enough to see that Lisa was actually gone as well?"

Owen watched somewhat pleased as Jack visibly sagged. He nodded at the monitor behind Owen.

"Where is he?"

"British Gas building."

Jack appeared to hesitate as if internally struggling with his next course of action. "We'd best get going then." He said finally.


	23. Chapter 23

**ONE SMALL STEP ( for Mc Parrott and Solsbury Girl)**

It took a lot to make Owen Harper really angry. If he were truthful with himself he could count on his fingers the number of times he had been really livid on one hand. Yesterday however had made him mad, not only mad but guilty. Ianto Jones had done a number on them all and Owen was forced to admit in the cold light of day that he had probably been in a position to prevent it.

He had not liked the young man from day one, so he had dismissed him as Jack's new fuck toy soon to be Retconned and out of the door once Jack had gotten bored. He had taken in the obvious signs of PTSD and OCD, the fact that the boy was too pale and underweight. He had done nothing beyond his cursory new employee medical exam. Canary Wharf had left its stain on Ianto and Owen had made no attempt to help the young man wash it away. Of that, Owen was ashamed simply because he had failed in his duty as Torchwood's only surviving medical officer but worst of all he had failed himself. What was that mantra drummed into him at medical school? 'Do no harm'. Did neglect constitute harm? Owen had no doubt now that it did.

Owen watched the CCTV with something bordering on disinterest. The computer system had flagged up a potential suicide jumper who was currently stood on the top of the British Gas building. Owen had been bored and so he had flicked through Tosh's CCTV program until he found the appropriate camera feed so he could watch the drama unfold. He sat hunched in her chair half watching the screen as he fiddled with the mouse to get the zoom tool and sharper focus. The Hub was quiet that morning, Jack having told both Tosh and Gwen to stay at home to recover from the shock of the previous day's business with a partially converted Lisa Hallet. Owen had felt unsettled from the moment he had arrived at work. There was no familiar smell of Ianto's amazing coffee brewing and no whistling from Jack's office. Owen knew Jack was there of course. The older man had been stomping about the Hub all morning complaining about instant coffee and the employees of Torchwood One. Jack was mad, Owen had never seen him so angry, but the medic had also caught the look of deep hurt in his boss's eyes and knew better than to ask. It was obvious Jack had been shagging their office boy and Owen was privately forced to wonder just how much Ianto had manipulated the situation from the start. What shocked Owen was the realisation that he would have done the exact same thing for Katie, if it had come to that. He couldn't blame the boy really, well he could; he had never actually liked Ianto. The young Welshman always struck him as being simpering and creepy, well at least now he knew why. Owen sighed and gazed forlornly at his mug of instant. Before Ianto he would've ingested anything with the word coffee attached. Yawning he returned his attention to the screen and almost fell off his seat.

"Jack! Get down here now." He bellowed as he gawped at the monitor.

Jack clattered down the steps from his office and stopped at Owen's side, resting a hand on the medic's shoulder. It took less than a second to process what he was looking at. Owen felt the grip on his shoulder tighten slightly.

"Let him jump. It'll save me the job of dealing with him." He spat out bitterly. Owen could hardly believe his ears.

"You don't mean that Jack, do you?"

Jack released his shoulder and took a pace back to distance himself from what they were watching.

"Every fucking word. He nearly killed us all, he DID betray us. If he wants to die, then let him."

Owen lurched to his feet and faced the Captain. "Just because your shag toy turned on you?"

Jack shoved his hands deep into his pockets. "He lied, he used me, he used all of us, this facility and two people, not counting Lisa are dead." His tone was resolute. Owen was faintly annoyed by his attitude and whilst he really couldn't stand Ianto, he could certainly see the value of him and his conscience was gnawing.

"That boy hid a conversion unit and his girlfriend from us for almost 7 months; fuck knows how he got her in here in the first place. He had us all completely fooled. He gained our trust, does ALL our paperwork and makes the best bloody coffee in Wales, aside from playing Torchwood chambermaid, skivvy and general clean up man..... Jack, he's useful. He's also suffering from extreme PTSD and has tried over the last half year to do anything to keep the woman he loves alive." Owen could see that Jack was still fuming, but his firm stance appeared to be weakening. "Jack, he's just a kid who's lost everything like I did with Katie, only for him it was much worse. He didn't betray us for greed or profit but for love and quite possibly because he was he was afraid to be without her. What would you have done? If you found the person you loved, still alive and talking, tangled up in that machinery what would you have done?"

Jack baulked. "The right thing; I would have put them down and stopped their suffering, at the very least." He snapped.

Owen narrowed his eyes, not entirely convinced. "Bollocks, you'd move the universe to save them Jack. I've seen how you are, how protective you can be. Ianto watched all his mates and colleagues die that day, can you seriously imagine that he was sane enough to see that Lisa was actually gone as well?"

Owen watched somewhat pleased as Jack visibly sagged. He nodded at the monitor behind Owen.

"Where is he?" Jack sounded resigned.

"British Gas building."

Jack appeared to hesitate as if internally struggling with his next course of action. "We'd best get going then." He said finally.

Owen grabbed his med bag and coat from the autopsy bay and followed Jack to the SUV.

They pulled up outside the police cordon and Jack surged out of the vehicle waving his ID like a tidal wave. No one got in the way. Owen likened it to the parting of the Red Sea as he hurried along in Jack's wake. The two of them rode the elevator up to the top floor and a police officer directed them to the roof exit where a negotiator was standing by to go out to talk to the stricken man on the roof. Once again the ID was flashed.

"Torchwood, clear the building, we'll deal with it!" The tone broached no argument and everyone backed off once again. Owen wondered if he would have made the same impact had he attempted that, he doubted it very much. Jack took the final set of steps two at a time and flung the metal door open into the blustery heights and stinging drizzle. Great it just happened to start bloody raining now. Fucking useless Toy Boy..... Whoops that was Tea Boy, it was easy to forget. He was easy to forget. Owen gritted his teeth and followed his boss once again. They stopped in their tracks at the pitiful sight that confronted them. Ianto was perched on the edge of the building, his feet dangling over the chasm below him, still wearing the soiled and bloodied suit he had come to work in the previous day. A bottle was clutched tightly in his left hand; Owen was relieved to see that it still held most of its contents. The door, caught in a whip of wind slammed shut making Owen jump and Ianto's head swing round to face them. Owen heard Jack suck in a slight hiss. Ianto looked shattered, his skin as grey as his suit, his hair plastered down by the wet and the bruises on his cheek bone emphasising a ghoulish look about him. Jack took a pace forwards motioning for Owen to remain where he was.

"Ianto, what the hell are you doing up here?"

_Oh, great start Harkness!_

Ianto turned back to the view afforded by the height of the building and drew the bottle to his lips, taking a long draft of Glenlevit.

Jack was watching worriedly as he turned to briefly glance at Owen and all Owen could do was shrug his shoulders. Sighing Jack returned his attention to his.... well whatever it was Ianto meant to him these days. He took a few more steps forwards, the wind playing havoc with the coat tails.

"Ianto, come on talk to me."

"Fuck off Jack."

Owen rolled his eyes and decided to edge forwards behind his boss.

"You know I cannot do that..... Well, I can but not here anyway." Jack was trying for..... Owen couldn't decide what and shook his head in exasperation.

"Ianto come on, come inside and we can talk about this in the warm over a hot drink."

Ianto glared, the steel glinting in his pale eyes. "There's nothing to discuss. It's all over for me, you know that."

Jack spread his arms in a placatory gesture. "You're still here that tells me it's not over at all."

Ianto swung his body round and brought his feet down onto the roof top, his back now to the edge. Much too close for comfort, all it would take was a half decent gust of wind.

"You can't save me Jack, I'm just another one of those Hartman minions that you hate so much, one of those drones who tried to corrupt the world and destroy it, fine for a quick fuck."

Jack froze. "That is not true."

Owen noted the hurt in Jack's voice.

"Who am I Jack?" Ianto called back.

Owen deeply wished he could see Jack's face as he obviously struggled to find an answer.

Ianto finally replied for him. "Exactly!" He turned back to the edge and gulped down the remainder of the alcohol before tossing the bottle behind him.

"They were my friends Jack, people I liked, people who liked me and you speak of them like they were all monsters in Yvonne's harem. You hate and dismiss them as you do with me. Why the hell do you think I couldn't trust you with Lisa? She was just a fucking secretary Jack, had never laid eyes on a piece of alien tech the entire time she was with Torchwood, she was beautiful and funny and she made me happy and you dismissed her and all the others without even trying to know them."

Owen stepped up beside Jack and could feel the guilt and anger washing off him in waves, every line of his body was taught with it.

"I was wrong to do that." It was a difficult admission. "I'm sorry." And that was even harder because Owen knew full well that he wasn't. They were only a few feet away from Ianto now and the medic could finally see just how deranged and desperate Ianto actually was, he was frighteningly close to losing it altogether.

"You know what makes it worse?"

Jack didn't, and neither did Owen. Could it be any worse?

"I'm in love with you Jack."

Yep, definitely worse.

"All that time when I was trying to save her and she was fading away and I go and fall in love with you, with your larger than life world and.....I....I hate myself because you reached out to me and I clung to you trying to believe that I was doing it for her."

Jack's hands fell to his sides. "Oh, Ianto." It escaped as a whisper.

"So you see my problem. I despise you and I love you and I am a monster and everyone is dead except me. Do you get that Jack?"

It took Owen a moment to register the fact that Jack had moved forward to almost within touching distance of the younger man, his hand outstretched.

"Please Ianto, don't do this."

Ianto stared at the limb for a long time, his face masked with his usual indifferent front.

"Why Jack? Why shouldn't I?"

"Because I fell in love with you too."

Owen's eyes widened like saucers, well THAT was news to him. Fuck! Ianto was frowning. "I know and I am sorry. It's easier to love than to know, isn't it." His blue eyes were still fixed on Jack's hand.

Owen was surprised at how lucid Ianto was considering how much he had drunk and how tired he looked. It was worse than tired, like his world had ended; Owen was too familiar with that look. The long silence was worrying him.

"Come on mate, come back with us, you must be freezing."

Ianto looked up as if noticing him for the first time and Owen had to force himself to meet his colleague's gaze.

"Please Yan?"

His eyes went back to Jack. Suddenly he reached forwards and grasped Jack's hand. He sagged and was immediately swamped in an embrace of Jack and great coat. Owen huffed out a sigh of relief hoping it was a first step to..... Owen wondered what kind of a life Ianto had to look forward to and stepped up to help Jack with getting him away from the edge.

_finis_


	24. Chapter 24

**THE ROOM**

Ianto lay back on the cold concrete and stared at the light fitting that hung above him. He splayed his hands flat to the floor as if to anchor himself to the spot. It had been a long time since he had last visited this dank, depressing space, but today had served to remind him of his demons with such nauseating clarity he had fled here for peace to recover himself. He hadn't seen a Cyberman since that day in London. Ianto still refused to count Lisa in their numbers. That morning a loan one had been dumped on them through the rift. He and Jack had gone out to check out the readings. Amazingly he hadn't panicked or frozen on the spot, they just took it down, quickly and efficiently because it's defences had obviously been compromised and it could not protect itself. Its remains were currently being incinerated. That was it..... end of story.

It was only now that the overwhelming sense of vertigo swept over him and his body shook with delayed shock and consequently he had ended up here; back in this space. The room where Lisa had spent her remaining months lying encased with that concrete and light fitting to stare at. No wonder she had given up on her own humanity, what he had done to her was little better than imprisonment. Ianto sighed and the sound felt as though it was crawling endlessly around the unwholesome space and sneaking into the dirty shadows. He was unsurprised to hear the sound of footsteps and the screech of the heavy door being shoved open.

"What the fuck are you doing Ianto?" Owen's acerbic tones filtered through and unsurprised Ianto hitched himself up onto his elbows to face his colleague.

"Hiding"

The honesty and hidden meaning behind it was not lost on the medic.

"Is it helping?"

Ianto shook his head. "In the end it is a futile gesture that doesn't even begin to make up for how bad this all feels."

Owen wanted to growl at him in frustration, but he held back, his natural medical professionalism kicking in. "You were fine earlier. I thought you'd lose it when you found that Cyberman."

"So did I." Ianto responded. "I'm glad I didn't but I do wonder if my immunity to it all is a good thing."

"If you're immune to it, why are you in here?"

Ianto lay back down and stared back up to the light. "There in lies the question."

Owen shook his head. "Don't be obtuse you Welsh git." He plonked himself down on the concrete and winced as the cold seeped through his jeans to his backside. Ianto was obviously thinking.

"This was all she had to look at."

Owen frowned. "What are you talking about?"

Ianto pointed upwards. "That was Lisa's horizon, a filthy damp ceiling and an energy saving bulb, not exactly a nice view. It was cruel Owen, what I did."

Owen knew it would be a lie to argue the point. "It doesn't explain why you are back in here going over the good old days."

"Perhaps I am looking for absolution."

"Can't help you there mate."

Ianto cracked a smile.

"That Cyberman today didn't even frighten me and yet the ones in my dreams leave me screaming, why is that?"

Owen shrugged. "Different time, different place and you are not the same man anymore Ianto, you can't possibly be after everything you have experienced."

"And here I lie talking to an apparition of a man who died twice and I am not even sure you really qualify as dead at all. Have I finally gone over the edge of my sanity, has this lemming found its cliff?"

A laugh was barked out. "Bloody Tea Boy, you always had the flare for the melodramatic."

"I suppose."

"You can't stay here Ianto. Gwen and Jack need you more than ever."

"And what do I need Owen?"

"Them. I know you don't believe that Gwen figures into that, but you do need her too. The three of you.... four if you count Rhys... which I don't. Jack's falling apart at the seams and you are the only thing holding him together." Owen told him.

"So none of it is about what I want?"

"Fraid not mate. You're just the Tea Boy."

"Yeah, I noticed that." Ianto rolled onto his side and watched his colleague closely. "Can't you come back to us?"

"Nah mate, I've done my time. Tosh and me we're just.... well it's over for us. I'll be honest Ianto that's not so bad."

"It is for us, we miss you."....... "Fuck never thought I'd ever say that to you."

Owen chuckled. "I won't tell anyone. So Jones what's it to be?"

Ianto sat up and brushed off the sleeves of his jacket. "Triple shot latte with three sugars for Jack and a slimline hot chocolate for Gwen so she can wear her ballgown at the near years police do we've all been invited to."

He watched as Owen rubbed his hands with glee. "Good man, get up Ianto."

Ianto rose awkwardly to his feet and glanced about the empty room.

"Good night Owen."

He wandered out and turned off the light, locking the door behind him.


	25. Chapter 25

Ianto yawned expansively as he washed up the dishes in his tiny little kitchen. Jack was stood beside him, tea towel in hand looking as tired as he felt. Somehow they had managed a nice, quiet, normal evening together with Chinese take-out and a couple of DVDs. It had been nice, a welcome change from their hectic working lives and usually hurried and oft interrupted make out sessions. It felt good to be normal. To be just Jack and Yan instead of Torchwood and Ianto suddenly realised why Jack fought so hard for Gwen and Rhys. Jack fiddled with the corner of the towel and finally tossed it onto the work bench. He leant against Ianto's back encircling him tightly in his arms. Ianto stopped what he was doing and allowed himself a smile.

"You ok Jack?"

"Hmmmm." Was murmured into his neck. "Lets go to bed Yan."

"Yeah, lets."

It was the end of a long and frightening few days and Ianto simply gave in to Jack completely and all Jack did was continue to hold him, not moving.

"You came for me."

Ianto nodded aware of what he was referring to.

"You risked dying in Hell and came for me." Jack added.

Ianto grasped his hands with his wet ones. "I couldn't leave you there."

"You could have died."

"No doubt Jack, but I still would do it again if there were any chance of saving you and if there wasn't too." Ianto struggled with the lump in his throat, he didn't want Jack to hear how close to tears he was. He had seen his own versions of Hell every time he slept and Jack always tried to be there for him.

"My Angel."

The tears fell.

"My saviour."

Ianto shook his head. "No Jack, I just couldn't stand to lose you again." He felt warm breath against his cheek.

"I couldn't stand to lose you either."

Ianto turned in his embrace and smiled despite the tears. "Do you mean that Jack?"

Jack met his questioning, fierce blue gaze with equal measure. "Yes. How can I live without you?" Fingers brushed at pale skin and Ianto hitched a breath.

"One day, Jack you will have to."

"But not now, not today."

"Not today." Ianto searched out Jack's fingers and entwined them with his own. "Bed?"

Jack nodded kissing his forehead, filled with so much love for the man before him.

"I will never forget what you did for me today."

Ianto closed his eyes and dropped his chin. "No more talking Jack."

Jack understood; he always did. Reassurances between them were never about spoken words.


	26. Chapter 26

**AN: THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR YOUR KIND WISHES REGARDING MY PARENTS.... MOM IS HOME FROM HOSPITAL AND TAD IS STILL IN BUT RECOVERING WELL FROM HIS BY-PASS OP.... I THINK THIS IS A REFLECTION OF MY RECENT WORRIES..... NOT SURE HOW GOOD OR BAD THAT IS.**

Ianto wasn't someone who got upset especially easily. It would take an enormous amount of stress or goading to rile him up and he prided himself on maintaining his self control even in the most difficult of circumstances. Jack had only bourn witness to such a breakdown of the young man's demeanour once and he hoped never to witness it again. Hope, however was something never to be relied on, especially when one worked for Torchwood. It was not long after Owen had been shot and brought back by that 'infernal' glove. The Dr was adjusting to his new state of existence. Gwen was babbling continuously about her soon to be married way of life, to who anyone within ear shot and beautiful Toshiko was quietly watching over Owen whilst she worked.

Ianto had just gone quiet full stop. Jack was worried and he guessed that it was his reaction to what had happened to Owen. He watched as Ianto carefully avoided being in close proximity to the dead medic and absolutely all wedding talk with Gwen. As the weeks progressed it became less obvious what was wrong. Ianto restored his relationship with the Doctor and the two of them fell back on old habits of sparring and abusing one another. Owen was obviously relieved about that. But Ianto still avoided Gwen like the plague, refusing to be drawn into her happiness and open hearted chatter. Ianto had always had issues with Gwen, from day one. He had advised against her recruitment from the start. Jack had not understood why until she had started her ill advised affair with Owen. Before Torchwood she had been fresh and undamaged, a light in a very dark space. Jack, naturally had liked her straight away, had regularly fantasised about her and had almost had her on more than one occasion. She had fitted in with the team well...... with everyone......except young Ianto. Jack had never really paid it much attention. Ianto was fickle at best and chose the people he deined to talk to very carefully. He was naturally weary and didn't trust anyone. But something about Gwen and her current excitement had clearly rattled the Welshman.

Jack liked to believe that Ianto would tell him what was wrong in his own time without coercion. He was wrong. Ianto was as tight lipped as ever, going about his duties in stoic silence. Tosh had noticed and had discretely asked Jack if they had had a falling out, which they hadn't, so far as Jack could tell. Owen too hadn't failed to notice the subtle change in Ianto's behaviour but he had kept his observations to himself. Jack knew; Owen was becoming watchful.

The days slid by, one Rift alert after the next. Trash, and aliens alike being dumped on them, but nothing dangerous and remarkable and they fell into a routine until.......

Jack stood outside his office leaning on the handrail and looking down on his team. They were all quietly immersed in the backlog of paperwork that he had ordered them to get finished that morning. A glance at his watch told him that he should send them home for an early night. Jack clapped his hands and four faces were looking up at him expectantly. Gwen was smiling, Tosh looked a little startled, Owen was scowling and Ianto just looked blank.

"Go home boys and girls, early night have some fun, whatever get out of here."

Owen was up and slinging on his Jacket straight away, closely followed by Gwen. The two of them left with cheery waves. Ianto was next, gathering his suit jacket and pulling it on. He nodded towards Jack and left through the cog door a moment later. Rather stunned Jack exchanged a look with Tosh, who just faintly smiled at him as she spoke.

"You really need to talk to him Jack." She began shutting down her computers.

Jack nodded. "Lock up for me?"

Tosh nodded. "Go on, I've got the remote alert Jack. Go find him."

Jack grabbed his great coat from his office and charged out of the Hub.

He was rather dismayed to find his lover's flat empty when he got there. Jack had just assumed that Ianto had gone home. He pulled out his mobile and dialled Ianto's number and promptly got the polite voicemail. He rang Tosh.

"You still in the Hub?"

"Yes Jack, what's up?"

"Can you do a trace on Yan's phone for me?"

He could hear movement down the line and the sound of a keyboard being expertly worked. Tosh had sucked in a surprised breath.

"He's at St Catherine's Hospice on Canal Street. Jack what's going on?"

Jack shook his head. "I've no idea. I'll call you back when I find out."

"Can I help you, sir?"

Jack was stopped in his tracks by a gorgeous red headed nurse in a pink uniform. Jack offered up the classic Harkness grin.

"Yes ma'am I think you can. I'm looking for my colleague Ianto Jones, he's here visiting?"

"Yes, he's in the garden with his mother, through that door." She pointed. "And please go quietly, its rest hour."

Jack nodded his thanks and strolled briskly away from her in the direction of the garden. He spotted his young friend almost immediately sitting on a bench overlooking a rose garden. A hunched middle aged woman was sat in a wheel chair beside him. From where Jack stood it appeared that Ianto was engaged in a one way conversation a frail hand carefully gripped in his much stronger one. Jack hesitated on the slope that lead from the doorway and watched in silence as Ianto talked about the weather, the flowers in front of them and what Gordon Brown had been up to lately. He chatted about a book he was reading on Egyptian Artefacts and the murder mystery he had just finished. The woman appeared oblivious, simply gazing into some private middle distance and Jack realised that Ianto was indeed his mother's son with same beautiful blue eyes and dark curling hair. It also made him realise that Ianto was speaking in Welsh and Jack surprised himself by being able to understand most of what he was saying. Jack recognised the intensely private moment for what it was and backed away, hoping that Ianto hadn't registered his presence there.

He drove back to Ianto's flat and decided to cook dinner.

It was almost six hours later before Ianto returned. The key turned in the lock and the door was violently flung open with a shuddering bang. Jack leapt up from the couch in the lounge and came into the hall in time to see Ianto swaggering in and tossing his jacket and keys to the floor before kicking the door closed behind him. It took Ianto some moments to take in the fact that Jack was there and Jack realised the young man was pissed out of his brains. Ianto drunk? Ianto froze on swaying feet gently gripping the wall to keep himself upright. Not so drunk then there was absolute clarity in his eyes.

"What are you doing here Jack?" He belched and covered his mouth. "Sorry."

Jack sort of smiled at him. "I was worried when you left, I came to find you and waited for you to come home." He guessed it would not be wise to tell him of what he had seen earlier.

"Well, here I am and I am fine, thank you very much." Ianto moved unsteadily past him in the direction of the bathroom. "You shouldn't have waited Jack; sorry I wasted your time."

Jack closed his eyes and muttered a silent curse. "I'll put the coffee on, you look like you need it."

The bathroom door slammed shut and shaking his head Jack went into the kitchen. It was some time before Ianto re-appeared, showered and changed into track pants and T-shirt, still looking the worse for wear. Jack handed him a mug of coffee and Ianto took it wandering away into the lounge without a word. Jack followed him and sat down on the couch on Ianto's left. An unsettling silence enveloped them before Jack decided to break it.

"You gonna tell me what's going on?"

Ianto sighed and stared into his mug. "I need some time off Jack."

Jack nodded. "Your mother?"

Ianto shot him a surprised look and finally nodded. "She.... she's dying. Rhi and I have been taking it turns to spend time with her over the last couple of months. She doesn't have long left. I want to be with her."

Jack cautiously grasped his shoulder and was grateful that Ianto didn't attempt to shrug off the contact. "Take all the time you need."

The silence came back and Ianto finished his coffee.

"I'm sorry Jack, I couldn't tell you.... after Owen and everything. I just. I'm going to lose her, just like I lost everyone else. Owen its difficult being around him the way he is." Ianto sank his face into his hands. "I'm sorry."

Jack understood, only too well but he remained silent as he pulled Ianto against him and held him tightly to his chest, gently stroking his hair. Ianto snuggled into the warmth and sat there curled against Jack staring at the bookshelf opposite. Finally Jack spoke.

"You do whatever you need to do and don't come back to work until you are ready. You need anything and I mean anything, you call me day or night. Promise you'll call me."

Ianto nodded. "I will. Thanks Jack."

"No problem and one day you're gonna tell me why you didn't tell me straight away."

"Not today Jack."

Jack smiled. "Not today Ianto."

Ianto's arms found their way around Jack's waist. "I fully expected her to outlive me. I thought Torchwood would kill me long before she could die. I don't want to go to another funeral Jack. There's been so many."

Jack squeezed him a little harder. "I'll come with you, that way you don't have to go alone and I can thank her for you, being the wonderful man that you are."

"It was she and Tad that made me that way. I was lucky Jack. I was very loved, me and Rhi, we had an idyllic childhood. I will always be thankful for that."

"Is she still Lucid Ianto?"

Ianto nodded. "Sometimes, not sure until I get there when I visit. Last time I showed her a photo of you, she thinks you are very handsome."

"She doesn't mind?"

"No, she's very much more concerned with Rhi and I being happy."

Jack rested his chin against the top of Ianto's head. "She sounds like a smart lady."

Ianto smiled at that. "She is."

"I'd like to meet her."

Ianto sat up and looked into Jack's eyes; seeing sincerity there and not pity; he finally nodded. "I'd like that too." He settled himself back down into Jack's renewed embrace and after a long time he drifted off to sleep. Jack sighed, hoping he had managed to avoid a breakdown before it could happen. Ianto could be bloody stubborn at times insisting on bearing his burdens alone.

Three weeks later Ianto wept with overwhelming emotion when he saw all of his team mates sitting in the row behind him and his sister in the village church.

**AN: I AM NOT SURE ABOUT THIS PIECE AT ALL.... IT ISN'T AT ALL WHERE I WAS ORIGINALLY INTENDING TO GO..... I WILL GET BACK TO MY LONGER STORIES SOON AS I'VE GOT MY WRITER'S LEGS BACK ON! THOUGHTS PLEASE..... THANK YOU.**


	27. Chapter 27

Owen had never known Ianto to be so quiet, and that was saying something in itself. The young Welshman was perched on the edge of the metal autopsy table, stripped to his waist. There were a half dozen angry, bloody knife wounds that criss crossed his chest, none deep enough to be serious, but enough to be painful. Ianto hadn't uttered a word, he was still dazed and somewhat confused and Owen half wondered if the drug he had been spiked with was dulling the pain. Jack was hovering at Ianto's left side, one of the man's hands tightly enveloped in both of his. Owen had never known Jack this quiet either. He could feel Jack's anger bubbling away under the surface of his stony facade, but continued to work cleaning the cuts on Ianto's skin. An hour and almost a hundred paper stitches later and Jack was assisting Ianto into a clean shirt, the younger man slowly coming back to his senses.

Owen checked his monitors again and gestured for Ianto to lie down for a while.

"I just want to make sure you're not suffering any further ill effects from the venom."

Ianto nodded and smiled faintly at Owen.

"Thanks." Ianto sat there for a moment seemingly confused and Jack smiled at him and gently grasped his feet to help him to lift his legs up so that he could lie down. Jack removed his shoes and then went and found a blanket and spread it over his youngest team member. Owen got to work on the blood sample so he could check what dose of antidote Ianto would need. He could hear Jack whispering something to Ianto before his boss was at his side.

"Will he be ok?"

Owen nodded. "He'll feel sick for a few days, but he didn't get a big enough dose for it to be life threatening. The cuts are fine, not deep and I've given him a broad spectrum anti-biotic shot and a tetanus jab, just in case. Poor sod, this is the last thing he needs."

Jack couldn't agree more, but he had seen what had happened. Owen had not.

"He took off from me and ran straight for it; he knew full well what he was doing. I'm just glad I was quick enough to prevent more damage." Jack kept his voice low as he spoke.

"You telling me you think he is suicidal?"

Jack shook his head. "He spotted the kid before I did, he just charged in, pushed the girl out of the way. He saved her life without any regard for his own...... Maybe he is suicidal. I can hardly blame him after everything."

Owen sighed, realising that perhaps in part he was responsible for how Ianto was feeling right now.

"We should've set him up with therapy after he first got here. I just didn't think the PTSD was that bad, he seemed to be handling things so well. I guess that was him being so focussed on caring for Lisa."

Jack knew exactly where Owen was coming from. "I think he tried to tell me." He finally admitted. "I thought he was talking about us, getting too close, trying to tell me how he felt about me.... because I am so fucking selfish sometimes. But it was Lisa he was trying to tell me about and he was right I never listened, never had much time for a lover who wanted to talk." _Maybe I am a monster._

"We were all at fault Jack including him."

"Yeah, I guess we were." Jack turned back to look at Ianto, who was dozing fitfully.

"He's beautiful." It was out of his mouth before he even realised it and to his utter astonishment Owen replied.

"Yes, he is, because out of all of us he's probably the only one to really understand what true love actually is and be willing to sacrifice everything for it. That makes him more dangerous than anything, but I'd agree, beautiful in a truly terrifying way. I hope one day someone will love me half as much."

"I'm sure Katie did and I know that you loved her that much Owen. It's why you are here."

Owen shrugged off the comment and went back to his work. "Can I ask you something Jack?"

"Sure, you might not get an answer." Jack was back at Ianto's bedside fussing with the sleeping man's hair unconsciously.

"You and Ianto, are you... well are you shagging him?"

Jack shook his head. "No, not that I wouldn't mind, but he he's a master at deflection. All that flirting and the banter between us, it's a defence mechanism for him, another show, just like that blank mask he puts on every day. I haven't even got a kiss out of him yet. I don't think he could cope with the prospect of cheating on Lisa."

"She's been gone for almost three months." Owen replied snapping off his gloves. "He's fine won't need any more drugs the contamination is minimal, should just sleep it off."

Jack didn't move. "If he'd have told us at the start......"

Owen knew where that train of thought was going. "You said it yourself, she was beyond saving Jack."

"But at least it would've been handled better, he wouldn't have had to go through those 6 months of caring for her alone, hanging on to false hopes and two lives would have been saved."

"We all make mistakes Jack, at least Ianto's was done out of....."

"Which ever way you look at it its still self interest Owen, being unable to lose someone you love that much."

"It's better than doing it for the money though, don't you think?"

Jack sometimes wondered. "Less painful, money doesn't break down your spirit and leave you empty inside."

"Tell that to a gambler." Owen was washing his hands. "Are you going to stay with him?"

Jack nodded. "You go home, I'll call if he.... well if you're needed."

Owen hesitated as he dried his hands. "We all have to move on from what happened... Go on with living.... Look at Tosh, she's looking like she's in love right now, you see her smiling this morning?"

"Yeah, I guess I need to get back to looking at that artefact we found with the skeleton.... who isn't a girl." Jack added with a grin.

Owen rolled his eyes. "Bastard!" He pulled on his jacket. "He'll be fine by morning, just tired and a bit sore, keep him out of the field for a few days though." He turned to leave and then hesitated. "Maybe it's about time you told him how you feel. I may not like the Tea Boy very much, but it's clear you do." Owen left leaving Jack to gape at the space he left behind.


	28. Chapter 28

**AN: Just after end of season two... Before Daleks and CERN.**

Ianto ran down from the kitchen to stand at Gwen's side. She was reading the data flashing up on the screen which sat on what had once been Tosh's desk.

"It looks like a weevil on the loose again."

Ianto hissed out a long breath and gathered his resolve. "I'll sort it." He went to get his gun and was checking it as he headed toward the door. Gwen watched her exhausted colleague from her place and sighed. "I'll contact Jack and let him know."

Ianto offered up a long suffering look. "Don't bother he's at Bar Reunion again, probably pissed by now."

"You can't go alone Ianto!"

Ianto shrugged, his gaze falling towards the cast on Gwen's left leg. "Keep me posted, call Jack and if he's still sober or not fucking someone senseless he can meet me there, either way it has to be dealt with." Ianto jammed his com into his ear and walked out. Gwen sighed almost on the verge tears, it was like the time that Jack had run out on them all over again, only this time there was no Tosh and Owen to help them through it and once again it was down to herself and Ianto to keep things going. Jack had been next to useless since the deaths of their two colleagues. It was breaking her heart to see the man that she loved and admired broken down the way that he was, she could only guess at what Ianto was feeling as he battled with his own heartbreak and grief whilst facing so many of the dangers alone. Gwen's ankle had been broken the previous week, in a stupid accident at home stumbling down the steps inside her flat. Rhys had taken her to casualty and then called Ianto because Jack hadn't picked up the call again. Ianto had met them at the hospital fearing the worst, his bottom lip trembling with worry and renewed fears, but the young man held it together, ran Torchwood alone for the four days that Gwen had been forced to take off. Jack had been nowhere in evidence. Gwen sighed thinking over the last few weeks.

Initially Jack had been firm and strong, gently edging them back into work, but then one day he had gone out with Ianto to hunt down a rift signature, according to Ianto he simply stopped the SUV in the street and got out turning to Ianto saying that he couldn't do this anymore. Well screaming at him in fact.... Gwen had watched the CCTV footage from the vehicle. Ianto had sat there with Jack's gun in his face being screamed at before Jack had calmly stepped away and left him. Ianto understood, he always did and had spent the last month making every excuse for Jack's outburst, protecting him as he always did. But Gwen could see the young man's resolve crumbling as he buried his hurt and got on with the job in hand.... actually many Jobs mainly Tosh's work as well as his own. Jack could no longer be relied on to do anything for them. Twice Gwen had found him drunk in his office and she knew that Ianto had witnessed him shoot himself at least half a dozen times. Jack had spiralled away from them, drowning in his guilt and the trauma of his prolonged burial underground. She watched as Ianto attempted to comfort him, only to have his efforts thrown back in his face in the form of a few well aimed fists and curses. After that Ianto withdrew and worked and worked and worked. He didn't know what else to do except privately mourn the loss of his lover as well as his friends. Gwen could only watch helpless as the the three of them drifted apart and barely functioned. In her desperation she had called Martha for advice only to discover that she was out of the country on some secret UNIT assignment. Sighing Gwen blinked away her tears and looked at the monitor tracking the progress of the SUV as it sped along toward Barry Docks, she picked up her mobile and dialled Jack's number.

Ianto slammed his foot down on the accelerator and cursed repeatedly as he drove along. The one weevil sighted had become two and he could see very well how badly this day could end for him if he came across both of them at the same time. Swerving the vehicle into the access road he followed along the line of the electric fence and discovered the gate at the bottom already open so he drove straight through. He turned left slowing right down as he edged the SUV along the road peering between the rows of warehouses and containers.

If there was one noise guaranteed to make his stomach churn, it had to be the sound of bones breaking. What gripped him with deep fear was the knowledge that the breaking bones belonged to Ianto and so did the scream that went with them. The weevil had literally picked him up and tossed the younger man aside like a sack of rubbish. Ianto was slammed into a brick wall, shoulder first, his collar bone shattering with the force of the impact. Amazingly he still managed to raise his gun in his uninjured hand and shoot repeatedly as the enraged creature took another lunge at him. Three bullets into its forehead, finally brought it down, mere inches from where Ianto was huddled. Throughout this Jack had been helpless, trapped on the wrong side of the electric fence that was too high for him to climb over and with no weapon to hand to aid in defending his team member.

Ianto lay bunched up in an awkward heap against the bricks, grunting out painful breaths and Jack ran as fast as he could to get down to the gate way over a mile further down the road. He was yelling into his coms for Gwen to call for an ambulance as he pounded down the concrete path.

Jack stopped, breathless at Ianto's feet checking that the weevil was in fact dead before dropping to his knees at Ianto's side. To his horror Ianto edged back to get away from his outstretched hand.

"Don't touch me!" Was spat out with such venom that Jack immediately with drew his hand. "You need to get that weevil into the SUV before the medics get here. You did call the medics didn't you?"

Jack baulked, shocked by the question but he managed to gather a reply. "They're on their way. Ianto I....."

"The weevil Jack!"

Shaken out of his shock Jack stared at the keys that Ianto threw at him, he finally hefted the weighty carcas over his shoulder and dumped it into the containment cage in the back of the SUV. After closing down the boot he returned to Ianto's side. The Welshman was sucking in shallow and obviously painful breaths and Jack tried once again to reach out to offer some tactile form of comfort. Ianto glared at him and pulled himself away still further.

"You've lost that right Jack. Go, I don't want you anywhere near me."

Jack understood; he really did. It had taken him weeks to pull himself out of his own self pity and despair and Ianto had suffered the brunt of it, but Jack had always expected the young man to be there, to want him back. All he could see in Ianto's eyes was blackness and deep betrayal and worst of all a loss of faith.... in him.... the man he had come to love. Jack sighed and sat himself down on the tarmac a few feet away.

"I'll wait for the ambulance."

"I wouldn't bother, I'll be fine." Ianto hissed, though it was clear that he wasn't.

Jack shook his head. "I'm sorry Ianto. I'm sorry."

"Words won't cut it this time Jack." Ianto responded bitterly. "You left us when we needed you the most. I tried so hard to help you....." He trailed off running out of energy and wincing with pain, tears running down his pale face. He was saved from further comment by the arrival of the paramedics and Jack stood back and let them do their work before taking the young man away.

Jack drove back to the Hub, advising Gwen over the coms as to Ianto's status, she sounded relieved as he spoke to her and he wasn't certain whether that was because Ianto was safe or because he was apparently back to his old self. He wasn't back to his old self of course. He was battered and broken inside, he had failed himself, failed Grey and Tosh and Owen and almost destroyed Gwen and Ianto, two people he probably loved more than anyone else in the universe. Gwen, he knew he could deal with; she would accept his apology and eventually get on with trusting him again, because ultimately she had Rhys to fall back on. Ianto however, Jack wasn't certain he'd ever be able to repair the damage done, the damage he'd done. He had shattered Ianto's faith in him and he knew it would take a lot of work to rebuild it, if it could be rebuilt, which Jack seriously doubted. Unhappily he pulled up into the SUVs parking spot 30 minutes later and Gwen was waiting there, leaning on her crutches and Jack frowned, wondering when she had injured her foot. Yep, he had a lot to make up for.


	29. Chapter 29

**AN: So many people have written about how Jack reacted to 'the wedding', but what about Ianto?**

**SOMETHING BLUE**

Quite frankly it was a relief to be home. Ianto quietly clicked his front door shut and locked it. Sighing he pulled off his coat and shoes and left them where they fell on the hallway carpet. It could only be Gwen that had made him feel so desolate and inadequate like she always did. Sometimes he really did hate her, but today, strangely enough it wasn't about Jack... well maybe it was. He sloped into his bedroom and yanked off his clothes dumping them in a bundle into the laundry bag to take to the drycleaners and then he went for a shower..... His neighbours would be moaning again, the water pipes in the apartment building sounded like the brass section of the philharmonic. He needed a shower to wash off the sweat and stench of a normal day at Torchwood. He sighed again yes normal, a bloody wedding he had had no intentions of going to.... Fuck! Bloody Gwen and her 'normal' life, she was as faithless as they got and that was what made him angry. Rhys was a good bloke. Ianto liked him a lot and had been sorely tempted to tell him about Gwen's affair with Owen. God, had he really become that spiteful?

The shower worked wonders on sore and aching muscles and frazzled nerves.

He was jealous, remorseful and he realised still grieving for the life he had lost when Lisa had died. Ianto hated weddings. He had managed to avoid his sister's by breaking his leg and when his mother re married he had simply not bothered to turn up, because her new man was nothing like his Father and Ianto, no matter how sweet natured he was could not support his Mam on the matter of her second husband. He'd run out on her six months later for the bint across street, half his age.

Ianto towelled himself dry somewhat roughly and scrubbed his teeth, not daring to look into his own eyes in the mirror. Five minutes later he was lying naked in bed, flat on his back and staring at the cracks in his ceiling. The image of Rhys' face as he noticed Gwen and Jack dancing was ingrained in his retinas. His look of mortification as his new wife gazed longingly into the eyes of another man, a man that gazed back with equal desire. Ianto had seen it all before, so many times. Jack was like that, he made everyone want him without even thinking about it, but Gwen. She should really have known better than to treat Rhys like that in front of all of his family and friends. Ianto decided he wasn't that spiteful after all. He closed his eyes imagining Lisa in her white gown with the silk blue bells woven into her ebony hair. His gut clenched and a sob escaped him, but he bit it back. He really didn't want to do this again. Maybe he wasn't as better as he thought he was.

He thought of his dance with Jack, a somewhat belated attempt on his part to rescue Rhys from his worries about what Jack wanted to do with his wife. Ianto wasn't about staking claims, he knew Jack would never be his, but Gwen was Rhys', she married him, for heavens sake. What had been strange about the dance was Jack's initial rigid stance, as if Ianto had smelt bad or something and he had almost stepped away from Jack in annoyance at the end of the song. But Jack had pulled him close, tightened his hold and whispered 'thank you' in his ear. Ianto spent the next song wondering what for. Right now he didn't much care. Gwen was tucked up in her honeymoon bed and Jack; well he was probably on some roof somewhere or shagging some stranger senseless.

Lisa. Her bridal gown was still in the wardrobe. Ianto had made it himself with her looking over it each step of the way, relishing every time she got to try it on for a new fitting. It had been the last thing Ianto had made, the only thing of hers he had not disposed of. The dress was not just about Lisa. Everything his Father had taught him had gone into that dress, from the soft fine crushed silk fabric, to the hand sown embroidered love heart neckline decorated with the finest delicate freshwater pearls. Ianto had spent nearly £3000 on the fabric alone, his Tad had always told him, 'for the woman you love only the very best would do.'. Ianto understood that truth better than most. His thoughts drifted to Owen and he wondered if the dead medic were remembering Katie this night.

So much loss, how were they not damaged beyond repair?

Ianto rolled over and flicked off the bedside lamp. He needed to at least try to sleep, the adrenalin was wearing off now and his head ached furiously down the left side, he was about to get up to get a glass of water when he heard a key in the front door lock. He was not remotely surprised when Jack crawled into his bed a few minutes later. However what did surprise him was the affectionate embrace he was held in as he drifted off to sleep without the exchange of words between them. More startling was the fact that Jack was still there holding him when woke up 7 hours later.


	30. Chapter 30

**PRE SEASON ONE:**

Pc Gwen Cooper was definitely having one of those days, sods law it happened to be on her day off... well it was always on a day off anything to ruin her freetime. Two hours in the bank with Rhys re-jigging their mortgage, what a pain that was and the a hurried kiss as he shot off back to work leaving her standing in the street at a loose end. First order of business then, coffee! Flicking her hair away from her face she practically bounced down the street in an effort to shake off the stress of two hours worth of form filling. There was a new independent coffee shop by the Plas and she thought she'd try it out whilst looking over the bay. That way she could enjoy planning her shopping list... clothes shopping, some treats for herself and Rhys to celebrate another two years tied to HSBC.

The coffee turned out to be orgasmic hot chocolate served by a pretty young blonde with an Eastern European accent and Gwen stood there gazing about the collection of occupied tables and couches. She spotted a spare chair tucked away in a corner at a smaller table; at which sat a smart young man with pale face, his eyes downcast in the direction of a newspaper. Gwen, never shy, ventured forwards.

"Do you mind if I sit here?"

He looked up and Gwen's breath caught in her throat as she took in the soulful blue eyes, sadness washing off his suddenly rigid frame in waves. He silently nodded and returned his gaze to his paper.

"Thanks." Gwen sat, dropping her handbag between her feet and couldn't help but be drawn to looking some more at the young man in front of her, and he was young too maybe 22 or 23. His suit was immaculate, tailored and looked expensive, if a little drab and Gwen got the impression he was trying to hide behind it. She found herself studying him further. The edge of the paper gripped in his beautifully manicured fingers which trembled ever so slightly. The bones in his knuckles too prominent to be healthy. His breathing was as controlled as his posture, shallow and completely regular. Gwen relaxed back in her chair and glanced towards the window thinking that maybe the boy had been to a funeral or something and that she was intruding on his grief, but that didn't seem right. Her curiosity, her natural policing instincts were gnawing at her.

"It's a beautiful day." She commented.

The young man looked up, clearly surprised that she had spoken to him, but the shock was fleeting and quickly replaced by a blank mask. He looked out of the window over the bay and Gwen thought she detected a flicker of remorse there.

"Yes, it is."

So he was Welsh. "The summer has been god this year."

Gwen nodded her agreement, and found herself enjoying the soft defeated timbre of his voice, she wondered once again what was wrong.... Ok Cooper, stop right there, you're off duty!

The man returned to his reading once again, though it looked more like he was trying to ignore her now. Finally he sighed and closed the paper up pushing it towards her.

"Here you go." He rose to his feet, his movements deliberate and looking somewhat uncomfortable for him.

Gwen nodded her thanks she rose with him and reached out her hand. "Are you alright?"

The man froze, gracing her with a frightened look before he schooled his features once again. He appeared to consider her question as if not wanting to be rude.

"Yes, fine thank you."

He moved away and really without thinking Gwen reached out and grasped his arm, it was thinner than the suit gave him credit for and he winced and pulled it back.

"Enjoy the paper." He stalked away and Gwen sighed, she'd over stepped the mark. She sat back down and pulled the 'Independent' towards her. The front page was taken up with the latest developments from the terrorist attacks at Canary Wharf, she sighed eternally grateful for the fact that she didn't live in London. She flicked through to the next page and found a double spread of passport sized faces.... casualties from the bombing and a list of the dead and there in amongst all the faces under 'survivors' was a picture of the man she had just met.


	31. Chapter 31

The day had descended into something of an anti climax really. Owen had really been hoping for a good old scrap between the bridemaids, or at the very least a drunken punch up with between the best man and some random person like Jack, after all pretty much everything else, that shouldn't happen at a wedding had happened so why not go with the norms as well? He paced his flat regarding his bodily functions that were no longer there. It was strange because while no longer able to produce Adrenaline he certainly felt as though he was coming down from the rush right now. He was a walking paradox according to Ianto.... Ianto. Owen couldn't help but feel for the bloke after today. Owen had come to appreciate the younger man over the last few weeks because Ianto had saved him on a number of nights from going completely loopy. His new found inability to sleep left Owen with too much spare time on his hands. Ianto had taken it upon himself to teach Owen Welsh. It had started out as a challenge. Owen was never one to turn down a wager and he certainly couldn't stand the possibility of being bested by the Tea Boy. Said challenge had settled into a routine of sorts and Owen found himself looking forward to Friday and Tuesdays nights...Torchwood permitting of course.

The dead medic wondered how his colleague was coping with the events of that day. That silly Welsh boy who was quite hopelessly in love with their tosser of a boss. Jack had been all kinds of stupid over the last 48 hours, starting with his refusal to let Ianto go and chase the Nostrovite, dragging out Gwen instead. Right down to his dancing with Gwen happily eye fucking in front of his own boyfriend and her new husband. But then that was what one would expect from Captain Jacky Pants. Owen considered picking up his phone and ringing Ianto, but decided to go and see him instead.

Ianto was rather stunned into the waking world by the sound of his doorbell ringing, he tripped over his own feet as he lurched off his couch and sent the half full bottle of scotch rolling across the carpet disgorging its remaining contents as it went. He cursed spectacularly in Welsh grabbed the bottle and swaggered lopsidedly towards the door, thinking it had better not be Harkness if he knows what's good for him. He gaped goldfish like at Owen and yanked the door wide.

"Come on in."

Ianto wandered off back to his couch leaving Owen to close the door behind him and follow.

Owen was more than a little surprised to find Ianto in an advanced stage of intoxication. It was a worrying sight and made Ianto look considerably younger than he already was. Owen plonked himself down in a chair and surveyed the messy lounge. It looked liked Ianto had been throwing things.

"Is this a private party or can anyone join in?" He quipped.

"Jus' drinking to the happy couple." Ianto responded adding a deep belch for good measure. He downed three long swallows of whiskey and then slumped back into the cushions.

"Why do I do this Ow'n? Why do I kid myself that he cares?"

Owen shook his head. "Mate, I think I should make you some coffee." He had no answers so the threat of sobering him up was the best he could come up with.

Ianto ignored him. "Did you see Rhys' face, when Jack was dancin' with 'er, did you see? He was pissed off... you know.... thas the reason why I danced with Jack.... so Rhys wouldn't get upset with him an' Gwen. I'm such a fucking pushover."

Owen frowned and leaned forwards in his chair. "Look mate, I doubt it's what you think. Jack was......"

"Was being Jack. He wants her Owen, always did want her and she fucking cheats on Rhys and he's a good bloke Owen, she fucking doesn't deserve him. Jack's just settled for second best. Loving him is like trying to catch smoke in your hands."

Owen shook his head. A month ago he would've agreed with Ianto, but not now. One thing Owen was certain of, if Jack really had wanted Gwen he would've taken her.

"Ianto mate. You know that's not true."

Ianto glared at him through watery unfocussed eyes. "Rubbish, you said it yourself. I'm just the sad little fucker who sits in the corner and bends over when he's told to." More whiskey was downed and all Owen could think was how bad that hangover was going to be in the morning. "I hate my life Owen, everyone is gone, everything I hoped for.... it's finished."

Owen 's eyes widened at that. "What are you talking about?"

The now empty bottle was discarded and Ianto somehow got himself on to his feet and to Owen's abject horror produced another bottle, Vodka this time from behind the couch. Ianto sank back down missing the couch altogether and landing on his arse on the carpet. He didn't appear to notice as he unscrewed the bottle cap and slugged down a half dozen swallows before stopping for air.

"Me an' Lis were gonna get married. My Mam even booked the church for us, wanted us to get married in Newport. All our friends were gonna be there and they're all dead too." He belched again and Owen watched as he sagged in the direction of the floor. Ianto lay there cradling the bottle.

"I wish I was dead..... I mean really dead.... not like you.... just dead." He mumbled to no one in particular and Owen got up and prized the bottle from Ianto's drunken grip. He almost dropped it in fright when he heard a key snick in Ianto's front door. Owen straightened up and gaped as Jack strode into the lounge like the caped crusader. The older man froze in shock.

"What the hell's going on?"

Owen , placed the bottle on the coffee table and knelt down at Ianto's side. Ianto snored.

"He was upset so when he got home he got very drunk." Owen explained as he rolled Ianto over into the recovery position, removed his tie and loosened his belt. He looked up as Jack dumped his coat on the couch a mortified expression on his face.

"He's been doing this a lot lately." He muttered.

Owen's eyebrows shot up. "What?"

"The getting drunk, we argued about it the other day. It's why I wouldn't let him come out with me the night Gwen was bitten. He was still hungover from the day before."

"Shit, how did I not know this?"

Jack shrugged. "You know how he is, hiding things. It started about a week after that missing 48 hours, he kept having these horrific nightmares.... he told me he'd talked to you about it."

Owen was shaking his head. "He never said a word. The bloody idiot."

"Did he talk tonight?"

Owen wasn't certain what to say. "Yes he did, he was angry with you for dancing with Gwen."

Jack knelt down at Owen's side and reached his hand to stroke Ianto's hair away from his forehead.

"He loves you Jack."

"I know he does, I love him too... but it's hard, he's so difficult to get through to sometimes."

Owen straightened himself. "You don't exactly make it easy Jack. He thinks he's second place and that you'd rather be with Gwen and your little display today did nothing to dispel that belief. He needed you here this evening, where were you?"

"At the Hub, there was an alert I had to check it out, turns out it was nothing. I better put him to bed."

Owen nodded. "You need a hand?"

Jack was still mussing Ianto's hair in a gesture that Owen could only describe as affectionate. "No, it's fine. You head home. I'll take care of him."

"Be sure you do and when I see him tomorrow he starts detox."

"He won't like that."

"Tough."

Jack looked up and their eyes met. "Thank you Owen, it's a good job you were here because somehow I don't think Ianto would be otherwise. He was doing ok until we lost those 2 days, it really freaked him out."

"Do you think he remembers what we did?"

Jack shrugged looking back down at the sleeping man on the floor. "He fears he did something bad and I think the fear is somehow worse than the truth, whatever that actually is."

That made sense, but Owen was feeling a little protective over the younger man who had been helping him so much lately.

"Make him see what you feel for him, because I think right now he needs that more than anything else." Owen was half expecting a telling off.

"I will. You have no idea Owen, how extraordinary he is... how much he cares about all of us." Jack was no longer interested in Owen's presence in the room, his attention totally on Ianto. Owen smiled to himself, he knew full well.

"Right then, I'll leave you to it, you might wanna get a bucket on stand by."

Owen left the flat a few moments later having helped Jack carry Ianto to his bed and leaving Jack to deal to deal with the rest. He stepped out into the chilly night relished the fresh air, because if he imagined hard enough he could feel the coolness of it in his lungs, or maybe he was just remembering. It didn't matter. He shoved his hands into his pockets and headed off in the direction of the bay to wait for the sun to come up.


	32. Chapter 32

**SHOW ME THE WAY TO GO HOME.........**

It was a compulsion, like breathing. Ianto needed to hide.... no to get away, simple as that. He'd checked in the team to a nice hotel as Jack ordered and once there Ianto had briefly inspected his room then headed for the roof. Jack's bad habits were hard to break; Ianto would never have done it before meeting him. Jack had a way of diminishing ones fears like that. So Ianto stood there looking over the edge, dragging on a much needed cigarette and stamping his feet against the cold. He really wasn't sure what to feel right at that moment, relief, yes... that went without saying. He was glad to see that Jack was alive and well and apparently happy to be back amongst them. He was also confused because there were things in his head he did not understand, memory's he could not account for that had not been there last week. He knew it was all tied up with Jack's disappearance and subsequent return but he didn't understand how or why. He inhaled deeply allowing the nicotine to get to work on his frayed nerves. John Hart had unnerved him, the man was volatile and unpredictable and Ianto was certain that they hadn't seen the last of him. He found himself wondering for the first time just how many lovers Jack had actually had and shaking his head he let out a chuckle, what the hell did it matter? What mattered was the extra years worth of crap floating around in his head that he could not explain.

It was good to stand out here in the cold drizzle and let the air seep into his complacency and wake him up from the stupor of the last seven months. Jack had been gone for seven months, so why could he recall twelve? The fag finished he dropped the butt and ground it into the gravel under his expensive leather souled shoes. He shoved his hands into his trouser pockets and gazed out over night time Cardiff, the orange streetlights and streaking cars. He recalled seeing craters and fires on the horizon and great plumes of smoke in every direction, but then he had been looking from above, from on board the Valiant. What had he been doing there? Ianto closed his eyes wondering if maybe the Rift energy had done something weird to him, perhaps Tosh could check him over the next day. Sighing rather dramatically he pulled out his packet of cigarettes and lit up another one....

"That's bad for you, you know."

Ianto almost jumped out of his skin, but quickly composed himself, choosing to ignore the remark.

"Fancy meeting you up here." He turned and faced his visitor who's great coat tails flapped in the bitter breeze.

"I was looking for a tall, beautiful Welshman, with eyes like azure stones and a smile that could sooth a breaking heart." The soft American accent was teasing.... but something much darker under laid the tone. Jack approached and Ianto could see the faintest hint of worry in the man's old eyes.

"Sorry you must have missed him." He replied, turning back to the view of the darkened horizon. Two warm strong arms wove about him, large hands coming to rest over his heart. Ianto covered them with one of his own.

"I did him miss, more than he could possibly imagine." The words whispered into his ear. Ianto leaned into the warmth at his back and took a drag, being careful to blow the smoke away from Jack.

"He missed you too, maybe one day you'll tell him why he had to miss you so much."

"I will." Was breathed into his skin, lips touching his throat. Ianto couldn't decide whether to be angry at the presumptive gesture or relieved. He also wanted to ask.... so many questions. Ianto knew this wasn't the time, but he asked anyway.

"I remember it Jack... a whole year that didn't happen. How is that possible?"

He felt Jack freeze and the warm hands dropped away from him as Jack stepped back taking the rest of the heat with him. Ianto had to bite back a whimper at the loss of contact. To his surprise Jack was at his side and had reached out and grasped his cold hand, entwining their fingers.

"Were you on board the Valiant?"

Ianto nodded. "Shortly after you disappeared Prime Minister Saxon announced he'd made contact with.... I think they were called Toclafane. I sneaked on board to investigate..... I was always good at making myself invisible and there are virtually no records on me so it was comparatively easy to get me on board. Then the others got sent to Nepal and everything went to hell. I was working in the galley most of the time. I met your Doctor friend, but I couldn't get to you even though I knew you were on board. Tish Jones kept me updated on your well being."

The pressure on Ianto's hand increased. And he could hear Jack begin to chuckle and then laugh outright. It was a beautiful sound. Ianto frowned.

"Jack?"

"He was looking for you, as soon as he figured out only three of the Torchwood team had gone to Asia, he scoured the Earth looking for you and you were right under his nose the whole time!" It took a while for the laughter to die down and Ianto by then had finished his second cigarette.

"I knew there was something wrong with him, he didn't like my coffee."

A comfortable silence settled between them, but Ianto broke it once again.

"We almost fell apart after you left. Gwen and Owen argued constantly for days. It was bad Jack, we all felt so guilty for betraying you, we thought that's why you left us."

They looked at one another for a long time, the wind brushing at Ianto's flushed cheeks and Jack's unruly hair. Jack shook his head slowly and reached forwards taking Ianto's other hand and pulling him closer until mere inches separated their faces and warm breath replaced the wind.

"I left because I needed answers Yan. I was hoping The Doc could fix me and make me like you. I was so lost and thought he could help me."

"I can only assume that your problem is not reversible."

Jack shrugged. "Everything dies eventually, I guess I just have wait a very long time until it's my turn." Jack pulled Ianto's hands to his chest and bent his head to kiss them.

"I missed you so much."

"What about Gwen?" Ianto had to ask. "I saw you talking to her back at the Hub, you seemed disappointed about her news."

"I came back for you Ianto, first and foremost."

"Things have changed Jack, I have changed."

Jack nodded and sighed at the same time, suddenly looking weary and oh, so very old. Ianto held his gaze for a moment longer before the cold finally seeped it's way under his damp clothing. He shivered and pulled away from Jack's grasp, smiling.

"I'm pretty sure there's a hot tub with my name on it, care to join me....Sir?"

Jack grinned. "Why Mr Jones......"

Ianto held out his hand. "Welcome home Jack."

Jack took it... home sweet home.... he could get used to that. They walked back across the roof and in through the fire exit and down the three flights of stairs to Ianto's room. The moment the door was closed behind them Ianto stripped off everything he was wearing and stuffed it into the hotel laundry bag. Jack watched Ianto's totally unabashed action drinking in the sight of milky white skin and three new not so pretty scars that arched down the middle of his back. Ianto padded to the luxurious bathroom and started the bath running before grabbing a towel and wrapping it about his narrow waist. He'd lost some weight too, Jack noticed.

"Jack get undressed. I need to call room service to take the laundry so it's ready for the morning."

Jack was grinning. It was as if he'd never been away. That's what he loved about Ianto, he always just got on with things without expectation or demand. Jack stripped off and was stopped in his tracks by the look of horror on Ianto's face.

"What?"

Ianto pointed at him. "What the hell happened?"

Jack glanced down at the blossoming bruises that covered most of his torso back and front.

"John pushed me off that office building. I landed on a bench."

Ianto winced. "That had to have hurt."

Jack nodded. "Its fine now, just a couple of twinges."

Ten minutes later and they were immersed in the bath tub, Ianto reclining against Jack's chest. Neither spoke, it was just nice to relax and kick back without having to worry about anything more than adding a bit more hot water. Ianto drifted on the edge of sleep until finally he was woken up by Jack.

"Come on.... we'll shrink in the wash otherwise."

They towelled each other dry and retreated to the expansive bed. Ianto settled down pulling a pillow into his chest and falling asleep almost immediately. Jack settled beside him and watched, the last thing he wanted to do was face his nightmares so he contented himself with the view of his beautiful Welshman. He pretended to himself that everything would be fine and that tomorrow would be the start of a new life.... it was good to pretend. He'd been doing that a lot over the last 12 months. Fantasies were a wonderful thing when your sanity was perched on the brink of collapse. One day he knew that he would be able to forget the pain, fear and humiliation he had been forced to endure. It would not be easy and learning to sleep again would probably be the hardest initial step. He envied Ianto in that moment, but Ianto had overcome his own horrors and moved forward and Jack could do the same.... in time. He reached out and gently touched Ianto's cheek which ilicited a faint approving mumble and the stretching out of an arm which sought to pull Jack close. Jack went with it nestling into Ianto's side and closing his eyes, feeling a bone deep peace wash over him emanating from the warmth coming off Ianto. Jack kissed his head and Ianto, still sleeping, settled his head over Jack's heart and mumbled something that sounded vaguely Welsh. It really was good to be home.....

**AN: THIS MAY END UP BEING A SERIES OR LONGER STORY... NOT SURE YET.**


	33. Chapter 33

Jack watched his team. It was one of those days when the Rift was quiet and his little gang were going about the daily task of running Torchwood. From where he stood by his office window he had a good view of Gwen, standing at her desk, phone at her ear and she was laughing. He loved the sound of anyone's laughter and Gwen's was rich with joy, he wondered if she were talking to Rhys but it turned out to be PC Davidson her former colleague. Gwen was one of those people who just lit any space that she was in, she was fascinating and attractive and frightening at the same time and sometimes a real force to be reckoned with. Gwen had shown him what being normal was all about, had kept her promise to hold on to her life outside her job and amazingly so. Jack had had his doubts once, but Gwen had come through and was left a stronger woman as a result.

He turned his gaze to Toshiko. As always the beautiful, brilliant technician was at her computer terminal chattering away to Ianto as she focussed on her monitors, her slender hands dancing over the keyboard with the precision of a concert pianist. Her face was lit by the glow from her screens and there was a faint smile gently upcurving her full lips. The young Japanese woman always had Jack in awe, she was brilliant and compassionate in equal measure. Her shyness hid that beautiful mind and perhaps with more confidence she could really shine. Owen certainly did not deserve her unrequited love.

He could see Ianto working behind her, photographing an artefact that was set up on the trestle table near the sofa, they were both examining the same object, Tosh with her scanners, Ianto with his eyes and camera. The two of them enjoyed working together that was obvious from the exchanged smiles and quiet conversation. He could make out a slight furrowing of Ianto's brow as he concentrated on writing down his notes in a leather bound book, his infamous journal. Jack smiled to himself knowing he'd get a peek later. Ianto's diary was a fascinating document of personal expression and an eclectic mixture of the archive and adventure of his life and work. There were neat little diagrams and fluid drawings on every other page including sketched portraits of his colleagues. The book was like the man, plain and simple on the outside with a very tasteful wrapping and extremely complex and deep feeling on the in. Jack just adored turning those metaphorical pages, never quite knowing what was to come next, but relishing every precious moment.

He couldn't see Owen from where he stood, but he could hear him singing along to some random pop song being spewed over the radio. His brilliant, acerbic medic with a broken heart and soul. Owen puzzled him the most, the man was so angry at the world and snarked and barbed with all of his co-workers. However, if any one of them were hurt, nothing would stand in Owen's way to save them or anyone else for that matter. Owen hated to see people in pain, especially those he loved and Jack didn't doubt for a moment that he loved his colleagues.... even Ianto. Jack firmly believed that the snarkier Owen got with someone, the more he liked them.... which probably meant that he was in love with Ianto. Jack chuckled at the thought and shook his head.

He was startled to discover that Ianto was tapping on the door frame and stepping into the office, his polite work face switched on as he hovered by the door.

"I'm about to get the lunch order, any preference?"

Jack faced him with a smile. "You walking to the Deli?"

Ianto nodded. "It's such a nice day, seems a shame to waste it."

"Good idea.... I think we should all go... have a picnic, throw bread at the seagulls." The grin was mega wattage now and Ianto managed his polite smile in return.

"Right, I'll tell the others then."

"No wait." Ianto froze and turned back to face his boss with a slight frown across his brow.

"Tell them to go home, you and I are going for a picnic." Ianto had to admit to himself that he was starting to get slightly worried.

"Jack?"

"Go on...tell them!"

Ianto nodded and did as he was asked.

Jack watched and then waved as three team members got themselves off home early with cheery goodbyes and once Gwen (the last to leave) had departed Ianto began his usual tidy up around the Hub. Jack had other plans.

"Stop that Ianto, grab your coat, come on."

As always Ianto did as he was told, he had long since given up trying to understand Jack's motives for doing things the way he did, Ianto just learnt to enjoy each moment as it came. They left the Hub via the tourist office; Ianto making sure the remote alert was diverted to his phone before they went on their way. Jack grabbed his hand and pulled him along and Ianto still feeling a little awkward with these public gestures of intimacy allowed himself to be led in the direction of the sea front. It was a lovely sunny, slightly breezy day and after a while Ianto pulled to a stop and freed himself from Jack's grasp so he could take off his jacket and cufflinks and roll up his shirt sleeves. The tie was also removed and stuffed into his pocket and the top two buttons of his claret shirt undone. Jack just stood there watching the display with his jaw hanging open. Ianto had no idea.

"Ok, I'm ready now. How can you possibly bare to wear that coat in this weather?"

Jack had to admit he was hot, but that had nothing to do with the current climate. He grinned and retrieved Ianto's hand and led him along a short pier of wooden boards.

"Sit there and wait. I'll be back shortly. Don't you move." Jack instructed gently forcing Ianto down by his shoulders. Ianto sat compliantly and held up his hands to take Jack's beloved coat as he stripped it off. Jack dashed off leaving Ianto to sit there, legs dangling over the side the soles of his shoes skimming the calm surface of the water. Jack had been back with them a few weeks now. Things at the Hub had settled into a nice new routine. Ianto had initially feared being relegated back to being the office Johnny, but Jack had insisted that he continue to work in the field and that Tosh continued to teach him all the techie stuff. Not that he needed much instruction, what he lacked was Tosh's intuitive understanding of new tech, it just took Ianto a little longer to get there. He didn't care, he loved the job, he loved working with Tosh and he was happy that Jack was home.... with him. He still wondered why Jack had come back and what had happened during his time away, but Ianto knew better than to ask. He could cope with the not knowing, just about. He watched the boats bobbing on the little waves in the harbour and enjoyed the warmth of the sunlight on his face. It was lovely to just sit and enjoy the day, Jack was right about that. Too often in their sparse free time they had remained at the Hub, usually in Jack's bunk, sometimes on the couch behind Tosh's desk and rarer still sitting playing poker in Jack's office. Strip poker of course and Ianto realised that everything they did revolved around sex. He didn't mind, it was fun and had somehow boosted his confidence in himself, but he couldn't help but think that something was missing. Ianto knew what it was straight off. It was the thought of having a future, being able to plan a date or even, god forbid, a holiday..... just spending time that they could look forward to as a couple. Were they even a couple? Could they ever be? Ianto silently berated himself for even considering to think it. Jack was just..... well Jack. He'd move on when something else came along, Ianto understood that, accepted it even if he didn't really like it. That was Torchwood for you, no chance to plan your life because it was quite likely you wouldn't be getting up the following day. Jack had been doing it for so long now it had become habit. Ianto shuddered at that, was he just a habit that Jack couldn't break? He snapped out of his reverie as Jack returned sitting beside him.

"I bought lunch."

He dug into the large brown paper bag and produced packets of homemade sandwiches that had come from their favourite deli.

"Cheese, bacon and Tabasco or chicken and cranberry?"

Ianto held out his hand. "Cheese and bacon, thanks."

Jack also passed him a bottle of chilled water. They ate and drank in contented silence and Ianto noticed from the corner of his eye that Jack kept stealing glances at him with a slightly worried look in his eyes. Ianto passed the rubbish to Jack who bagged it and they sat there swinging their legs over the water, faces tipped back to the sunlight, Ianto's left hand gripped firmly in Jack's right.

"We should have more days like this." Jack finally commented.

Ianto smiled. "With the weather we normally get?"

The grip on his hand tightened. "That's not what I meant."

Ianto turned to look at him. "What's on your mind Jack?" He felt an uneasy flutter in his chest.

"This." Jack waved his left hand as if that explained everything. Ianto wondered if he had missed something and decided he had.

"This?" He looked out over the bay.

"You, me, a nice day and just sitting around like this. It's ..... kinda..." He lost the words and Ianto realised that Jack was staring at him intently. "When I was away I gave up on ever seeing you again, I lost hope Yan and yet here we are and the world is whole and beautiful and you are here and it feels like I know where I should be."

Ianto searched his eyes trying to fathom what it was Jack was trying to tell him.

"I'm glad you're here too Jack."

They both smiled before turning their gaze outwards toward the sea.

"I need to tell you what happened." Jack said suddenly. Ianto nodded not wanting to frighten him off with the barrage of questions that had been sitting on the tip of his tongue for weeks.

"Why don't we go back to mine, you can tell me as much or as little as you like, the couch is very comfy."

Home, Jack reflected, Ianto's home. He'd never been there before.

"You sure?"

"Yes Jack... though Moses might have something to say on the matter, he's very selective about house guests."

Jack froze, he had no idea that Ianto was living with anyone. "I don't want to impose."

Ianto laughed. "So long as you give him some fuss.... He's a cat Jack, do you not remember he owned Estelle once, now he owns me.... or at least he seems to think he does."

Jack breathed a sigh of relief.


	34. Chapter 34

**RYTHM OF LIFE: ****WARNING:**** SPOILERS FOR TW BOOK 'INTO THE SILENCE'.**

Ianto sighed heavily when he finished finalising the case notes ready for Jack to sign off. His thoughts kept straying back to Drew Powell, who had lost his lover, his singing partner and his own voice. What made up that man's whole life had literally been ripped away, physically and emotionally and then they'd Retconned him for good measure. Ianto had taken on that responsibility in much the same way Jack had dealt with Cutler, the whole experience made Ianto's gut tighten with remorse. More lives ruined and they had been powerless to prevent it. His head still hurt from the gash after being thrown into the piano at the church and he rubbed absently at the dressing, realising rather fondly that if Owen could see him now the language would turn the air blue. Ianto shut down his computer and leant back in his chair, he was feeling thoroughly sorry for himself. Jack had shut himself away in his office after Gwen had gone home and once again Ianto was feeling like he was stuck on the outside of something. The cynical part of him thinking that maybe Jack was distancing himself again. Ianto felt he like he was walking a tightrope, knowing one day he would fall and Jack would not be there to catch him. He thought of Drew once again and then berated himself for being so selfish. He yawned and decided it was well and truly time to head home, so he got up and pulled on his coat, glancing briefly over what was once Tosh's desk to make sure everything was tidy. Satisfied that things were in order he headed up to Jack's office to bid him good night.

Jack looked up from the report he was reading when Ianto entered the room, a faint smile alighted on his face. No matter how down he felt, he would always try to greet Ianto with a smile, it was some self imposed rule he had developed.

"You finished up?"

Ianto nodded shoving his hands into his pockets. "I'm going home, I've been cooped up for too long and I am quite certain that my cat has probably moved out by now."

Jack couldn't fail to notice his defeated tone.

"Make sure you get some rest."

"You too."

Jack watched as Ianto turned to leave a feeling that he was missing something settling in his stomach like sour red wine. He shook it off, if something was bothering Ianto he'd talk when he was ready. Jack went back to his work.

Moses was meowing frantically on the front door step and Ianto scooped him up before letting himself into his ground floor flat treading on a large pile of mail as he entered. He'd only moved in quite recently. It was bigger than his old place and considerably nicer, not that he'd been there enough to really appreciate the benefits of it. He found 12 messages on his answerphone and decided to deal with them after he'd had a shower and at least 6 hours sleep. Moses leapt out of his embrace and shot into the kitchen and resumed his impatient demands to be fed. Ianto obliged him and left the errant moggy munching on his Iams whilst he went to run the bath, yep definitely a bath day, so what if it was almost 2am. He shrugged out of his clothes and took a brief look at the injury after removing the dressing. Spectacular bruising was blossoming across his forehead and around his left eye. Two high dose codeine tablets later and he settled in a hot bath lying back and reading the 'Hitch Hikers Guide To The Galaxy'.

Jack sighed and abandoned the idea of continuing with the paperwork. He thought of Cutler and hoped that the new life he would have would give the man a second chance at happiness. Cutler was one of the good guys, Jack recognised that much, under any other circumstances he would have invited the man to his bed, but then he doubted that the invitation would have been accepted, still the thought was a good one. For all his flirting and making passes Jack understood that he himself was unavailable anyway. It wasn't something he minded and in fairness to Ianto he put up with his flamboyant behaviour when most wouldn't. He was never certain where he stood with the young man and both of them being Torchwood, always complicated matters and it probably wasn't healthy for either of them. Jack knew he was loved.... deeply loved and Ianto's loyalty to him went far beyond the norm. He didn't deserve it, but was entirely grateful for it. Only yesterday Ianto had put himself in the firing line trusting that Jack would protect him, he had almost failed.... had failed Drew Powell. Ianto also surprised him in so many things, how could someone so reticent and private sing like that? Ianto was no Pavarotti, but when Jack had listened to his voice..... Ianto poured Drew's heart break into every note. Jack could have listened to that for a very long time, but as always time was against them.......

He really shouldn't have let Ianto go home alone and Jack realised somewhat belatedly that he had been doing that a lot lately, ever since Owen and Tosh, in fact. He sighed scrubbing his hands over his face as he glanced at his watch. Ianto was probably asleep by now.

Ianto's eyelids fluttered open and he blinked away the view of Jack Harkness looking down at him, a mischievous grin on his face. He lurched upright sending cooled water over the sides of the bath.

Jack jumped back a pace and grinned even more.

"I really don't want you to shrink in the wash you know."

Ianto growled and shivered trying to wake up properly. "Shit. I can't believe I fell asleep." He stuck his hand out and Jack passed him a towel and then reached into the water and pulled out the plug. A serious look on his face now as he knelt down beside the bath.

"You could have drowned Yan, next time take a shower, huh?"

Ianto dried his face and then peeked over the towel at Jack. He refused to comment, he was too tired and his head ached even more than it did before. Jack offered up a hand and Ianto looked at it for a moment before grasping it and Jack steadied him as he got up somewhat shakily to his feet. Ianto wrapped the towel around his waist.

"Sorry." Was mumbled in response and Jack sighed pulling the younger man against his chest.

"That should be me apologising. Come on lets get you to bed."

Ianto, for once was as compliant as putty because he just wanted to close his eyes again so Jack led him to the bedroom, helped him get dry and then put him to bed, tucking the feather down quilt around him. Ianto was asleep straight away and Jack sat there and watched as a world full of worries disappeared from Ianto's brow, leaving the bruising and stitches to bloom. Jack gently traced his fingertips over Ianto's darkened cheek, even as he was, sore and grumpy Ianto was quite the most beautiful thing and Jack knew how lucky he was to have him. He eased himself off the bed and pulled off his own, now damp clothes and left them in a heap on the carpet. He settled himself on 'his' side of the bed and carefully snuggled himself against Ianto's back. Ianto instinctively moved with him until he was safely swaddled in strong comforting arms and the sound of Jack's heart beat in his ears. It was all the song Ianto needed, that steady rhythm of life soothing away his nightmares and fears.


	35. Chapter 35

Jack watched silently.

Ianto stood in silence.

Jack watched Ianto.

Ianto stared at the floor.

Too often Jack had come down here and found the young man standing right where Lisa had fallen. He understood, he really did and that is what frightened him the most. He realised that if he had loved someone half as much as Ianto had loved Lisa then he would spend an eternity anchored to that spot. Jack finally got why Owen was so wrapped in acidic anger and why Suzie had been slowly broken down under her obsessions. These people were mortal, fragile, breakable and human. Somewhere along the line he had lost what that meant.

It had been like any other day. Ianto had arrived at 6am, put the coffee on, prepared everyone's breakfasts and set to work going through his administrative duties for the start of the morning. At 7am Tosh had breezed in taking her coffee and bagels to her desk so she could eat and work on her programming at the same time. 8am and Gwen bounced in waving a bunch of hotel brouchers and kissing Ianto's cheek as he passed her some Danish pastries. 9:30 and Owen rolled in nursing a sore back and whinging about the price of a pint at Bar Reunion. A normal day.

Ianto wondered up to the tourist office and spent two hours customer facing the foreign visitors and Owen started cutting up a smelly rotting corpse. Gwen was on the phone catching up on the latest police reports and gossiping with Jill at the station and Tosh was buried hip deep in binary something or another.

Jack loved normal days. Having finished a somewhat dull conversation with the new defence secretary he sauntered out of his office and headed up to see tourist heaven, namely Ianto. He found the young man happily chatting away in German to a couple of students from Berlin and before long Jack had joined in the banter and the four of them were having a lively debate about sausages. It was so unbelievably random that Jack spent almost half an hour laughing about it once the tourists had gone. Ianto closed up shop and rang the local deli for their lunch order, still smiling to himself whilst fending off Jack's wandering hands.

The alarms went off at 4:33pm.

Six hours later and Ianto was standing in the basement staring at the concrete on which he stood, his tears splashing on his shiny shoes. Jack hung back in the doorway, the room like a headstone noosed around Ianto's neck. He knew there was nothing he could do except wait and so he did.

At 5:08pm they had found two people, human, a little battered and bruised but otherwise in good shape. They had crossed dimensions, using energy from the rift and some highly dangerous transportation technology. One was called Lisa Hallet, the other was Ianto Jones. Ianto and Tosh had remained at the HUB whilst Jack, Gwen and Owen dealt with the alert. It had taken every ounce of Ianto's will not to faint when Lisa, his beautiful undamaged Lisa had stepped into the Hub, closely followed by himself. Jack had immediately stepped round the visitors and taken 'his' Ianto up to his office, closing down the blind a moment later. He had expected Ianto to break down but the young had composed himself and gone about his duties as if nothing had happened.

Lisa Hallet and Ianto Jones were, given a medical examination, interviewed and then locked in the cells. Jack sent Owen, Tosh and Gwen out to get take outs and advised them to spend an hour in the pub before coming back. Jack followed Ianto down to the basement and waited.

"I'd forgotten Jack."

It was so unexpected that he half wondered if he had misheard. He leant against the door frame and folded his arms across his chest.

"What had you forgotten?"

Ianto toed at the concrete. "What she looked like before the Cybermen came. I only remember the.... well after, what she looked like after....." He trailed off.

Jack didn't know what to say, there was nothing to say.

Ianto continued on. "He's lucky, that other me, he'll never know. All I want is one perfect memory. I want to be able to think of her as Lisa not that thing she became."

Jack sighed knowing he had to explain to Ianto what their two visitors had just escaped from, but Ianto hadn't finished.

"I should be grateful that at least in some reality she lived and was not violated, but I'm not. All I feel is resentment. She escaped when my Lisa didn't. It's like God is rubbing my face in the shit because of what I did to her. I feel like I am being punished for my selfishness."

"That's hardly likely Ianto, you know as well as I do that alternate realities have infinite permutations, this is just one of them, our reality is just one of them. What you did for your Lisa was an act of love. I'm not saying it was the right thing to do, but it was for the right reasons. I know you know that. What you're feeling right now is perfectly natural. In their timeline Canary Wharf never happened, however Harold Saxon took over the world and turned it into a munitions factory. They ran from a different war to our world." He knew all about Jack's 'Year that never was' because he remembered it himself.

"So there was no Doctor and Martha Jones?"

Jack edged forwards and came and stood next to Ianto, their shoulders touching.

"Oh, there was.... Martha didn't make it and the Doctor is still being held by Saxon."

There was a silence before Ianto spoke again.

"At least they get to have a future together."

Ianto turned when he realised that Jack was shaking his head. "They're not together Ianto. My other self sent them through; you see you're my partner in their world as well as in this one. In fact they hadn't met until a couple of days ago."

They looked at each for a long time and Jack thought he saw a glimmer of hope in Ianto's oceanic orbs, but it quickly died.

"Can they return home?"

"No."

Ianto looked away. "What will happen to them?"

Jack shrugged. "Once I've decided I'll let you know, but I suspect we'll just resettle them somewhere a long way from here."

Ianto understood the meaning behind that statement.

"Don't worry Jack. I won't go chasing the ghosts of my past. It's why I came down here, to remind myself. I imagine that that woman in the cells is nothing like my Lisa."

Jack grasped his fingers and gently squeezed them. "I want you to stop coming here."

"I know but I need this place Jack. Part of me died in here. I want that part of me back."

"I want that part of you back, but this is the wrong place to be looking. This is past Ianto." Jack gestured around then at the naked Victorian brickwork.

"I know. I'm not ready, today made me realise that." He changed the subject. "So, our guests, are they Torchwood?"

Jack sighed at the deflection but went along with it. "No, there was no Torchwood on their world. You and I were working for UNIT, Lisa was a nurse. Their lives were completely different to ours.... get this and don't sulk when I tell you."

Ianto frowned at him and couldn't help but raise a faint smile when he saw Jack's cheeky grin.

"Go on."

"She's Owen's fiancé."

Ianto raised his eyebrows, hitched a breath and then sniggered. It descended into full blown laughter. Jack held on to his hand and watched, enjoying Ianto's moment of release. It was beautiful to see.


	36. Chapter 36

**WARNING............CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR 'THE DEADLINE' SO IF YOU HAVEN'T LISTENED TO IT DON'T READ! AN ADDED SCENE RIGHT AT THE END....BECAUSE I'M TOO SHORT OF FLUFF!!!!!**

Ianto looked away from Jack unable to meet the sincerity in his eyes.

"I never agreed to that promise Ianto, we have to talk about this. I can see it's hurting you."

Jack watched somewhat worriedly as tears rolled over Ianto's pale cheeks. The younger man sniffled and wiped them away before turning back. Jack hitched a breath at the sadness laid bare.

"Ianto?"

"I would've sat there Jack. I would have sat there in that chair and waited for you to wake up, even if it took my entire life....." He sniffed again. "I can't even begin to understand how your life makes you feel, but I do know what losing you would do to me. It was like that time after Abbadon, when you died and..... then....."

"And then I left you. That's something else we never talked about." Jack cautiously reached out a hand and stroked Ianto's arm. "It's who I am Ianto. I wish I could change it, I really do because if I could I would do that for you."

Ianto stood there, unmoving his blue gaze fixed on Jack's.

"But then you wouldn't be who you are. Those things Jack, they leave me in awe, you're like magic..... you are so beautiful, why would I want to change that?"

Jack smiled faintly at him, grasping the arm he had been stroking and gently pulling Ianto against him. Ianto settled himself in that warm comforting place, his head resting against Jack's shoulder.

"You really are amazing, you know that right?" Jack mumbled into his neck, lips brushing at his skin.

He could feel Jack's fingers carding through his hair, the rise and fall of his chest as he breathed. He loved this man beyond reason and had long since accepted the doomed nature of where that love would take him.

"It's you Jack, you make me like that. I would have died with Lisa if you hadn't have helped me, you saved me Jack. I don't care about the past, about why you left or the fact that you did. You came back and you're here now. If going away again made you happier, then I'd let you go, but I never want to see you lying there like that again. You could have gone on forever just stuck in that trance....." He lost his resolve again and the tears back and Ianto pulled away wiping the offensive display of emotion from his face...

"Sorry...I'm a mess, can you imagine what Owen would've made of that?" He kept his eyes downcast until he'd reigned his feelings in a bit. Jack watched him closely, Ianto was truly at his most beautiful at times like this, these rare moments when who he was really shone through.

"Don't apologise. Ianto?"

He finally looked up, his eyes reddened and puffy.

"You know why I smile when I'm asleep?"

Ianto shook his head. "Because I DO sleep. It's the only time, when I am with you I sleep. The last time was with Estelle. I feel safe enough to close my eyes and let go because I know you are watching over me." Jack grasped his hand again. "Thank you."

Ianto squeezed his hand back almost to reassure himself that it was still there and warm with life.

"Gwen'll be waiting outside you know."

Jack briefly kissed his forehead. "We're not done talking yet Ianto Jones, but you're right and anyways I'm hungry." He tugged on Ianto's hand for a moment before letting it go. "Come on, I think we should get some dinner."

Ianto rolled his eyes and followed Jack out of the hospital room. "Always thinking with your stomach."

Jack threw him a grin over his shoulder. "I wasn't thinking about food."

Somehow Ianto wasn't surprised.


	37. Chapter 37

**SPEAK TO THE SLEEPER.....(One week after 'the deadline')**

Ianto staggered back in shock, the kitchen knife still gripped and bloodied in his left hand. He slammed back into his lounge wall and sank to the floor breathing hard and clutching at his gut with his other hand. He immediately felt the warm rush of fluid over his fingers, even in the darkness of his flat he knew he was bleeding out. His first night at home in almost four weeks and there had to be a bloody break in. He heard rather than saw his assailant stagger to his feet and stumble out of the room. The front door slammed shut a moment later. Ianto cursed finally dropping the blade. He knew he had to get to the phone and quickly. He tried levering himself up and only ended up rolling onto his side, his head colliding with the carpet giving him a slanted view of the world. The axis tilted still further and Ianto squeezed the tears of pain out of his eyes and tried once again to move. Nothing worked, his body nerveless except for his stomach, which burned. He lay there gasping like a fish. Death was inevitable. His eyes shuttered down and brilliant colours danced in his vision, so much for your life flashing before your eyes.

Jack sat outside the emergency room. It was blind luck he had found Ianto in time. He had finished dealing with the alert much sooner than he had anticipated, so at 3am he had locked down the Hub and walked to the flat he occasionally shared with the Welshman. It was one of those unspoken things between them. Ianto had given Jack a key months before and simply said, 'it's there if you need it.' It had been a very long time since Jack had been able to call anywhere home. He didn't use that key very often at first, but after Owen and Tosh had died it had seen almost daily use, unless of course Ianto stayed with him at the Hub. They never talked about it, the whole moving in thing, the relationship thing. It just was. Their.... whatever it was had simply evolved on its own into this. Jack didn't understand it, didn't question it, but he knew he needed it.

So he'd come home fully expecting Ianto to be sound asleep tucked up on Jack's side of the bed hugging Jack's pillows until the man himself came in to reclaim his place. He had found the front door damaged and had immediately drawn his gun before stepping into the darkened apartment. He heard the sounds of laboured breath and his heart dropped to his stomach. Throwing all caution aside he ran into the house and almost tripped over Ianto's legs. Jack flicked on the light. There was far too much blood on the floor.

Jack sat there staring blankly at NHS diabetes posters, his hands fisted on his thighs. He knew he should call Gwen, she would want to know, but right now Jack didn't think he could cope with her overwhelming kindness, anyway Rhys would come too and Jack couldn't handle that either. He kept going over what had happened to Ianto and as he sat there, feeling beyond helpless, he realised his world would fall apart if the young man died. Of course he would die, at some point, but not right now. Jack had foolishly believed that he could enter into this thing with Ianto without suffering at his loss, he'd become so used to losing people. It never got any easier, some days, like today, it felt a whole lot worse. There was nothing he could've done to prevent what had happened, short of imprisoning Ianto in the Hub. Ianto needed the connection with the outside world and Jack could not protect him from that, but if he'd come home with Ianto as originally they'd planned, this wouldn't have happened. Jack stared down at his hands and to his shock discovered that they still covered in Ianto's blood. It undid him. Tears flooded and Jack tried to hold back a strangled sob by biting the inside of his cheek. He lurched to his feet and went off in search of a place to clean up.

Gwen watched from the door, the irony of the situation wasn't lost on her. Only last week Jack had been where Ianto was now, except for Ianto there was a good chance of not coming back. Jack sat at his side, his two large hands engulfing one of Ianto's smaller ones. She hadn't realised.... well may be she had and part of her was content with the fact that at least for a while in his long life Jack had found someone to share it with. It was so hard for him to become attached and she had understood a long time ago that the difference between her and Ianto was quite simple. He would never ask anything of Jack and she would ask everything. Jack was beyond being able to promise anything and Ianto had learnt to accept that. Gwen half wondered if Jack truly appreciated the depth of Ianto's love, but as she watched him sitting there she knew that he did.

She edged into the room and came around to the other side of the bed and kissed Ianto's pale forehead. He'd been in a coma now for almost three days and Jack hadn't moved.... Rift be damned! He had practically screamed at her and then apologised through his tears. Gwen understood and rang UNIT, advising them that Torchwood3 was on hold for a while. Martha had come over from London with two soldiers to babysit things. Gwen's current orbit took her around the Hub, St Helen's Hospital and home. Rhys had been a God send. Jack had alternated between doing his paperwork and talking to Ianto, but he only left Ianto's side when nature dictated that he had to.

Ianto showed no sign of waking up.

Gwen stepped around the medical machinery and pulled out a plastic box of sandwiches and fresh fruit for Jack and another bottle of Evian.

"Hey."

Jack smiled up at her. "Hey yourself."

"No change?"

He shook his head looking back to Ianto's face. "No. I think he likes it in there."

Gwen took a seat in the other plastic chair. "I'm sure he'd prefer to be out here with you."

"With all the crap I put him through? Sometimes I wonder if he's better off me letting him go."

Gwen shot him a surprised look. "I don't think Ianto would agree with you. I thought he was going to fall apart when you were in that trance state, I think part of him did. He'd never want to leave you Jack."

"He's convinced that I'll leave him though."

"When did he say that?"

Jack sighed. "Last week when I was right where he is now. I think he was hoping I wouldn't be able to hear him, but I heard every word. I don't think anyone has loved me as much as he does. He knows me for what I am, has seen the very worst of me and he still loves me."

Gwen resisted the urge to hug him. "You're a good man Jack. Ianto and I both have learnt that some of the things you have done in the past were perhaps not the best. I'd to like to think that you've grown from that and become a better a person. Ianto certainly believes that." Her gaze wandered over the prone form beside her and the machinery keeping him alive. "He really believes in you, I really believe in you."

"Then why won't he wake up?" It was a plea not a question.

"He's owed an awful lot of over time?"

Jack gaped at her and then hitched a grin. "Yeah, I guess this is the only way he'll get it too." Jack looked back to Ianto, seemingly oblivious. "I always expected it to be a weevil or some other damn thing from the rift, not some half baked toe rag intent on stealing the TV."

"Well the half baked toe rag will be doing a long stretch for attempted murder and burglary..... Andy called me."

Jack nodded. "Just don't let me at him."

"Don't worry......." Gwen stopped when she realised Jack was focussed on Ianto, she turned and saw two wide blue, unfocussed eyes blinking up at them.

"I'll get the nurse." Gwen hurried out of the room.

Jack was smiling into those eyes and relieved at the gentle squeezing of his fingers.

"Hey there Ianto Jones." He whispered softly and leant down and kissed his forehead. Pulling back he could see Ianto was following him with his gaze.

"You're gonna be just fine, everything's ok now." Jack assured him. Somehow Ianto managed the tiniest nod of his head.

The following week and Ianto was escorted, gripping tightly on to Jack's arm, into the Hub. He had promised that he wouldn't try to work and Jack had finally relented. Ianto had not wanted to be in his house alone. He knew it was irrational, stupid even, but there it was, an overwhelming feeling of vulnerability as Jack was getting ready to leave for the Hub. Jack had reluctantly agreed but Ianto had been forced to promise that he would behave having only come out of hospital the day before. Ianto was extremely grateful, he needed familiar sounds and activity around him, even if all he could do was lie on the sofa and rest. It turned out to be a quiet day and Gwen was very fussy and Jack very attentive and Martha watched him like a hawk. It felt good to be home, no matter how sore he was. Ianto watched his friends as they worked, laughed and joked together and he felt certain that somewhere out there Tosh and Owen were laughing with them too. Torchwood London had never been like this. It had been a sterile and impersonal place to work, but here, it was like working with your sisters and brothers and boyfriend of course. Ianto watched happily as Gwen chased Martha and Jack with a water pistol, the three of them shrieking which set off Myfanwy who swooped about to investigate the noise. There had never been moments like this before. Ianto smiled stupidly, he could never give this up. Jack and Gwen were more his family than anyone on the outside, even more so than his own mother and sister. These people knew him, probably better than he knew himself. It was scary how close they were, but it made them strong and able to carry on. He gingerly sat up and continued to watch the play, yes, definitely able to carry on.

**AN: I THINK THIS IS A BIT CRAP AND I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF THERE WAS A POINT TO IT OTHER THAN EXERCISING MY FINGERS, BUT ANYWAY.... THIS IS ME TRYING TO WRITE SOMETHING EVERYDAY IN PREPARATION FOR THE BIG ONE.... DISSERTATION HERE I COME......DON'T WORRY BE HAPPY EVERYBODY.**


	38. Chapter 38

**BLACK AND WHITE**

It was something Ianto did every time that Gwen left the Hub to go home from work. He'd worked it all out and ensured that the gaps had been covered the moment he had figured out where exactly they were. He sat himself at Tosh's work station.... it would always be hers, and turned his attention to the CCTV network, he would sit and watch Gwen's passage home, no matter which route she took, whether it be via the take away, the supermarket or popping into Harwoods. Ianto was there behind the cameras watching her every move in pixellated black and white until she was safely inside her front door.

It had started almost three weeks after the deaths of Tosh and Owen when he himself had gone home at 3am one night. He had decided to walk because he needed to be outside breathing real air. He'd been tired and thoroughly fed-up, having argued with Jack and on his way home he tripped over the kerb and badly sprained his ankle. For once in his obsessively organised life he had forgotten his mobile phone and unable to get up he had sat there for almost two hours on the kerbside before a worried Jack had found him. Jack had driven back to Ianto's flat to apologise and finding it empty he'd gone looking fearing something much worse.

After that Ianto had set up his 'watch' program. It was ritual now and he sat there with his coffee and followed Gwen all the way home. He sighed a relieved breath which he hadn't even realised he had been holding, when she closed her front door.

Jack watched the younger man from the confines of his office. He found it rather endearing that Ianto took it upon himself to be Gwen's silent guardian. It was a measure of how much their relationship had changed over the past two years. No longer was Gwen perceived as a threat, or some ditsy civilian with no business being in Torchwood. Ianto regarded her as family and someone Jack knew he loved and respected. Ianto finally shut down the computer and put everything in the Hub into 'night mode' before wandering back in the direction of the kitchenette to clean up. Another of Ianto's rituals. This is where Jack took over from Ianto in the watching. Jack made no secret of it as he stood and observed Ianto go through his routine of loading the dishwasher and cleaning the little counter top. These actions were Ianto's anchor, the connection that held together his sanity, his moment of isolation in which to gather his resolve to carry on through the night and the following day. Jack understood the need, but didn't understand the actions that fed the need. For Jack it was about living in the moment and to the fullest, normally that involved sex because if there was one thing Jack really loved it was tactile contact, it was laughter and screaming with happiness, reminders that he was 'alive' and not just existing. Ianto was his complete opposite in that respect. Jack was fascinated by him, his calm reserve, his absolute control over almost all of his actions. It was rare for Ianto to truly let go but when he did, he blazed in a myriad of colour so explosive that he shone like the brightest star. The rest was just black and white, what you saw was not what you got, it was always about what Ianto wanted you to see. Jack realised that he was the same in a completely diametrically apposed way. Everyone saw the great Captain Jack Harkness, hero, romantic, flirty and in command. Most people loved it, some hated it and others just thought he was a bit of a prat. Gwen and Ianto both knew better and Ianto knew better than anyone. It made Jack realise that Gwen was probably the only one of the three of them who was really Gwen, all of the time, the colours of the rainbow in every moment of her life. There were no masks or shields in place. Gwen smiled, shouted and blustered through her days, every nuance of feeling on display. It was wonderful, a tonic that Jack and Ianto both drank from readily.

With Ianto's routine completed Jack reached out and grabbed both of their coats from the stand in Jack's office. The rift alert was set to his phone and they were going out for dinner, another routine, rift allowing. It was as close to domestic as it got, a chance to share a meal and Ianto's bed for a few hours before the madness of Torchwood swept them away again. Under the circumstances it was best that they could hope for. It wasn't enough for either of them and Jack knew that one day something would give.

He stepped out of his office and offered up his usual grin as he handed Ianto his coat. Ianto pulled it on silence, he'd never been much of a one for small talk and then he helped Jack into his great coat, another unconscious tradition as Ianto gently brushed his hands over the fabric. Jack's smile softened into an affectionate smirk.

"You ready?"

Ianto nodded.

"Where are we going tonight?" Jack always left these things up to Ianto, he liked the surprises and Ianto was always full of those. Ianto offered up a faint up curve of those very kissable lips and Jack grasped at his hand and interlaced their fingers.

"Home, for once I am going to cook."

Jack arched his eyebrows. "Ianto, its late are you sure you want to?"

Ianto met his concerned look with a broadening of that smile.

"Yes Jack. I actually managed to get to the supermarket this morning. I haven't used my kitchen for almost a month, seems silly not to use it when I'm paying such a high rent and anyway, I feel like the change."

They stepped through the cog door and Ianto locked it behind them, setting the alarm for the lower level.

"Anyway, I thought it might be fun."

Jack's ears pricked up at that. "Oh?"

Ianto nodded sagely. "Uhmmm."

Jack felt a tingle of excitement rise up in his chest, with Ianto there was never a dull moment. No matter his quiet calm, Ianto knew how to have fun.

"So er... what are we having?"

"You'll have to wait and see."

"You're such a tease." Jack mumbled pulling him close and kissing him soundly on the lips. Ianto met it with equal enthusiasm as searching hands found their way under the fabric of his coat. Eventually they broke apart, breathing heavily, Jack's hands having located warm skin under the silk of Ianto's shirt.

"We could skip dinner?" Jack suggested against his neck. Ianto pulled back.

"No we can't. I'm hungry and anyway it's all........"

Both their phones rang. The rift alert had been triggered. Simultaneous sighs were heaved out and their foreheads touched.

"Shit." Jack muttered. This was just so not fair.

Ianto kissed his nose. "Come on, the sooner we check it the sooner we can go home." He mumbled. Jack backed him into the concrete wall and kissed him again, somewhat forcefully. Ianto didn't mind one bit, he felt his energy levels rise a little, he knew precisely what Jack was doing and enjoyed it more than he cared to admit, the rush of warmth that flooded through him. All too soon contact was broken. Ianto opened his lust clouded eyes and smiled.

"Shall we?"


	39. Chapter 39

**IT'S WHAT WE DO**

**Gwen and Rhys have just walked off to discuss the fact that Jack found out she was pregnant before he did.........**

_He couldn't breathe. It's not that there was no air..... There was no nothing. Total sensory depravation, no touch, no sound, no smell, no.... there was nothing except for the suffocation in his head. He still couldn't draw in a cooling draught to sooth the rising tight pain in his chest. Pain and fear the only senses and he was drowning in it so deeply. Blind panic refused him the luxury of being able to think of better things, like warm sensuous breath against his skin, whispered endearments in his ears, hands gripping him so tightly that they left bruises. He couldn't even hitch his lungs into action, or swallow. Oh God, Oh God... shit... help me._

Ianto lurched upright, a pitiful keening sound escaping his lips. He quickly gathered himself shaking off the nightmare and the exhaustion. He hadn't meant to doze off like that. But he was so tired, the last 48 hours had overwhelmed his emotions and senses. He glanced quickly across at Jack, clad in T-shirt and track pants and Jack was sat there staring steadfastly into nothing. Something stung at Ianto's spirit. He had expended so much emotional energy on the man sitting on the far end of the couch. Jack had deliberately put the space between them. Ianto did not understand. One minute he was 'not just a blip' and the next he felt like a discarded piece of garbage. He wished he knew where the hell he stood.

He was frightened and for the second time in his life Torchwood had impacted on his family. Rhi had been threatened with guns in her own home, guns pointed at her children. They were all Ianto had and it was all Jack's doing. Everything was always about Jack. He was worse than dangerous and Ianto finally understood why his own daughter had cut him off. Another of Jack's secrets, one he hadn't shared with Ianto, but Ianto knew. He knew so much.... too much sometimes and still he was desperately in the love with the man who caused him more pain than anything else ever had, even Lisa hadn't been like this. There was no tenderness with Jack, just hard sex, violence and death. It was safe for Jack to touch Gwen in that way, that deep affection, because she was not his and never could be, especially now, she had the one thing Jack could never give her. Family.

Ianto picked at his nails and sighed against the silence. Jack had already stolen that moment from Gwen and Rhys and left Rhys feeling inadequate in his wake, once again. Ianto sat on the side lines and as always asking ,'how high?' every time Jack asked him to jump. All Ianto wanted was thank you.... thank you for rescuing me..... thank you for putting up with all the shit I brought down on you.... thank you for being willing to lose everything for me. But no, all Jack can do is lament his lost clothes and prattle on about the 'old team'. It must have escaped his notice recently that two of them were dead.... because of something he had done. It always came down to Jack and the things he had done. And Ianto still loved him.

Ianto sighed heavily, he was hungry and thirsty and bone tired. He needed to move to warm himself, but part of him didn't want to move. He could hear Gwen and Rhys outside in heated debate and he closed his eyes scrubbing his hands over his bruised face. Was it worth all of this? Was he worth it?

The answer was always yes, unreservedly so. There was no longer a choice for him, Ianto realised. Most days he could handle that, but right now he felt insecure not because of the bombs and the guns and the children thing, but because Jack had said he hated the word 'couple'. It was a label, Jack didn't do labels and Ianto lived by them. Knowing what he was was important to him. He needed to understand exactly what his place in Jack's life actually was, but then Jack was hardly a normal person and would be impossible categorise. Did it matter in the grand scheme of things? For heavens sake Jack had literally been blown apart and then regrown, healed and pieced back together. Ianto marvelled at the miracle of it, the simple beauty of something refusing to die no matter what. He could only imagine, and then he wasn't sure he could, just how painful that had to have been for him. He could see it in the coldness of Jack's unfocussed gaze, pain and terror radiating off him like shock waves. All Ianto wanted to do was hold him and take that shadow away, but he knew full well that now was not the time. Jack was not ready to be comforted, not ready to break down under the strain, there was no time for that now. Ianto half wondered if he needed to give comfort in order to receive it.....

He stood and stretched out his aching body, wondering what the next plan of action was likely to be, they were effectively stranded with no means of doing their jobs. All he wanted was to go home and have a hot bath and a change of clothes. His house had probably been trashed by now and part of him wondered if he'd live to see it again. His reverie was halted by the return of Gwen and Rhys hand-in-hand and smiling at one another.

Jack got to his feet, suddenly he was in 'I'm in charge mode'. He made no apology for upsetting Rhys and got straight to business.

"Right, lets see what we've got shall we?"

Ianto nodded, his feelings were just going have to go on hold for a bit. The world had to be saved and after all, that's what they did.


	40. Chapter 40

**AN; This is as close as I get to acknowledging that Ianto has died..... pre COE.**

**CROSSING THE Ts AND DOTTING THE Is**

After Owen and Tosh died Ianto knew he would have to make a will. It was something up until now he hadn't even considered. He had seen so much death over the years and had somehow managed to dodge it everytime. One morning he had woken up and realised it was blind luck that he was still alive at all. There had been so many close calls, even before he had started work for Torchwood.

Neither Owen or Tosh had left legal documents and it had fallen to Ianto to settle up their affairs, making certain that Toshiko's vast amounts of savings had gone to her family and Owen's had been invested in Flat Holm, because Ianto knew full well how he had felt about his alcoholic mother. He only hoped Owen would've agreed with his action.

One night, at home alone he had sat with the relevant blank forms on his dining table. He didn't own much, had no need for material objects and his flat was rented, but like Owen and Toshiko he had considerable assets, but unlike Owen he had people who would benefit from the money. His niece and nephew. Ianto sat there staring at the piece of paper, it was all his life would amount to in the end.

He named Gwen as his executor. He trusted her in a way that he could not trust Jack. He knew that if..... when he died, that Jack would take it badly and not cope with all the technicalities of 21st century law. Dying was a complicated business for those left behind and Ianto was determined to make it as pain free for Jack as possible. It was one of the reasons he never bought much beyond his clothes and food, the last thing he wanted was to have someone going through all his crap.

_Name: Ianto Jones_

_D.O.B: 19__th__ August 1983_

_In the event of my death I, Ianto Jones, name Gwen Cooper/Williams the executor of my will and estate._

_It's pretty simple really Gwen, all the money in my two bank accounts to be split equally between,_

_Mica Davies my niece and David Davies my nephew._

_These funds are only to be released when they start University or alternatively when they reach the age of 21._

_I suppose my journals will end up in the Torchwood archive. There's nothing else Gwen except that I'd like you to inform Lisa's parents because we do stay in touch and they will want to know._

Ianto halted his hand holding the pen poised and shaking. Is that really all there was to my life? He swallowed back a hitch in his breath realising just how unremarkable he actually was. No one out there to miss him. Well, maybe his sister, but recently they had drifted apart. Ianto didn't know what to say to her anymore, his world was so far removed.

_Dear Rhi, I'm sorry. I know you think I have turned my back on you all, that you think I am ashamed of you. It's not true. It never was. It's just that after Tad died.... I just lost myself for a long time. My job makes it hard for me to tell you things. I'm not exactly the run of the mill civil servant and I wish I could tell you of some of the amazing things I've seen. My work comes at a price, so I can't tell you. Just make things work Rhi, have the happy family I can never have. I am so rubbish at this. I've spent so long hiding myself and I suppose I just don't know how not to anymore. You, Johnny and the kids are all that's left. I wish I could tell you how much you mean to me but I know one day sooner rather than later I will die, its the nature of my work. I love you all so much, even Johnny, you are why I do this job. I have to keep you safe._

_Ianto._

The pen slid from his fingers and Ianto leant back in the chair and scrubbed his hands over his wet face. Why was this so hard? He got up and went into his neat little kitchen to make coffee and paused in his actions when he heard a key going into his front door. Jack.

"Ianto? Is that coffee I can smell?"

Ianto pulled together a smile and wandered out to the dining room, gathering up his papers and pen and shoving them hastily into a draw.

"Yes, want one?"

Jack was grinning when he entered the room. "You know....... Are you ok?"

Ianto froze. "Yes, why?" He lied, rather unconvincingly.

"Right, let me ask that again. Are you ok?"

Ianto turned away and went to the coffee making and Jack huffed an exasperated sigh and promptly followed him.

"Don't go all maudlin on me."

Ianto swung round and glared at him. "After all the crap I've had to put up with from you and Gwen over the last two months, I think I am entitled, in the privacy of my home, don't you think?" He snapped.

Jack took a hesitant step back from Ianto's blazing anger and raised his hands. "Whoa! Sorry." He responded, defensively.

"No you're not. You never are. You're more than willing to talk to me about your losses and your unending grief and how everything is your fault. You do not have exclusive rights on guilt and anger Jack. It isn't always about you. I miss my friends and for once I am not about to hide it!" Ianto swung away and leant heavily against the kitchen bench. "I dealt with everything Jack, and I was happy to because I wanted to make sure that Owen and Tosh's wishes were met. I've lost count how many times I had to hold Gwen when she was crying and I've taken your anger, your self reproach, bloody everything. I just want some time for myself."

Jack hung back in the kitchen doorway completely at a loss for words. Ianto sighed really not expecting anything different and finding himself quietly amazed by how much that hurt. Ianto straightened himself up and reached into the cupboard in front of him for a couple of mugs.

"Do you want me to go?" Jack finally asked.

"No, Jack. I want you to understand and I guess that is too much to ask for."

That stung. "I do understand Ianto."

The younger man shook his head and looked at Jack with a sceptical raised eyebrow.

"No, you really don't. Your grief is about your own loneliness Jack, and I get that. I really do. You will always be the one left behind and I thank God that I will one day die because I wouldn't wish what you have to go through on anyone. What you don't understand is that when I die I will leave you and everyone else who cares behind to pick up the pieces. I know how hard that is, I've had to do it myself so often. I worry about what will happen when I am gone, who will protect my sister's family? Who will look after you?"

"Ianto I...."

"Stop that, let me finish! You and Gwen have completely monopolised my grief. I need some time to myself and today was the first time I realised that, because I've been too busy and I don't even know why I am telling you any of this, because it doesn't matter to you. I feel like you've moved on and there's big distance between us...." Ianto faltered.

"Is that what this is about? You and I?"

Ianto shook his head. "No, this is about me. I started writing my will and I realised that there was almost nothing in my life to sort out after I've gone. My life would fit into one box, two if I'm lucky because ever since Canary Wharf I've been living on borrowed time and always at the back of my mind I've been thinking, 'no I won't buy that for my flat because tomorrow I could be dead and someone would have to dispose of it.' You will live on and I won't even be a page in a book or a memory and I know that's not important. The authorities lied about all of those people I knew at the Tower, there's no memorial, no nothing. They all died for nothing. Suzie, Tosh and Owen died for nothing. This job Jack we all get consigned to a lie."

"What, you're afraid of being forgotten?"

Ianto sighed. "I want my death to count for something. I want the people who are left behind to be comforted by the fact that my life wasn't wasted. It's not about me Jack, it's about closure."

The silence that followed was thoroughly uncomfortable. Jack toed at the tiled floor and Ianto made the coffee.

"Do you want out of Torchwood?"

Ianto handed him a mug, not surprised by the question. "And what would I do? It's not a case of what I want anymore Jack, you know that."

He did, he wished he didn't.

Ianto walked past him and went to the lounge and plonked himself on the ratty couch and Jack followed sitting down beside him.

"I don't know who I am or what I am anymore, but I do know what I have to do. I learnt to accept that a long time ago. Torchwood defines me, it's all I know. The real world doesn't fit into it anymore. I just need to know that the sacrifice is worth it, that humanity is worth it and when see Rhi's kids I know that it is if only for them."

Jack stared at the mug in his hands, thinking about Alice and Steven, the daughter who had disconnected him from her life, the grandson who thought he was some random rich Uncle. He wanted to tell Ianto that he understood and agreed the sacrifice was worth it, but some days he wasn't so sure. So he did what he did best. He lied.

"And you'd be right, just don't lose sight of that Ianto."

Ianto got to his feet. "I had a letter from Martha Jones today. She and Tom have sent the three of us a wedding invitation." He retrieved the envelope from his mantel shelf and tossed it into Jack's lap. "You should go, we can't all go but I think you should. I know Martha and her family hold a special place in your heart."

Jack smiled as he read the parchment and held out a hand to Ianto. Ianto took it and settled himself down beside Jack.

"One day, you'll tell me the story behind her." Ianto commented.

Jack nodded deciding that now was maybe that time. "It was the time when I was away.............."

He recounted his tale of the Doctor and Martha and the end of the universe and a year that never happened, by the time he was finished Ianto was sound asleep against him. Jack sighed, he wanted to tell Ianto so much but he couldn't. He was too afraid of admitting his feelings to the extraordinary man at his side. Ianto would die like all the others and Jack knew it would break him when he did. Perhaps if Ianto didn't know how he truly felt, didn't know who he really was; maybe things would be easier and he would worry less. Somehow Jack doubted that very much.


	41. Chapter 41

**AN: Never discuss these things over dinner and it really WASN'T my idea..... blame The Converter **

**YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE**

Ianto was tired, so tired in fact that as soon as he got home that night, he threw off his clothes and collapsed on his bed and went to straight to sleep. It had just been one of those weeks.

_Waking up he rolled on to his back and stretched. The sun was streaming in through the window and it was lovely and warm and Ianto blissfully thought that it was shaping up to be a very nice day. He thought of Gwen, soon to be bouncing down the aisle and Owen in his now undead state. Even that didn't dispel his overall sense of calm and dare he say it, happiness. It WAS going to be a lovely day. Even the birds were singing. With a burst energy Ianto leapt from his lovely bed and went and had a relaxing shower before getting himself ready to face a day at Torchwood and even though he was missing Martha, whom he had quickly befriended, her absence did not detract from his bliss for a moment._

_Stepping out of his front door he greeted his neighbour with a cheery wave and cheesy smile and he went on his way walking in the sunlight and watching early morning people going about their business. It was just lovely and he found himself whistling a happy tune as he entered the tourist office and wandered down into the Hub._

_Jack waved and offered up a cheeky grin and Ianto smiled back and went to the coffee machine. The gleaming goddess sat there, and as always produced the irresistible elixir that was coffee._

_Owen appeared at the door way a slightly dodgy grin plastered on his face._

"_Morning Tea Boy."_

_Ianto rolled his eyes and turned to the medic._

"_Something I can get for you?"_

_Owen nodded. "We didn't agree on our bet last night."_

_Ianto smiled. "No we didn't, did we? Alright then, £50 says Jack'll run up the ailse and stop the wedding."_

_Owen nodded slowly. "I reckon £50 Gwen does a no show. Agreed?"_

"_Agreed." Ianto and Owen shook hands and Owen's hand came off the end of his arm and Ianto stood there gazing at the detached limb still in his grip._

"_Tea Boy what have you done, just 'cause I'm dead doesn't mean you can do that!"_

Ianto's eyes snapped open. "AAAAAAHHHhhhhhh!"

He lurched upright in a tangle of covers, eyes like saucers.

"Jesus Ianto, are you alright?" Jack sat up beside him, more than a little shocked at being so rudely awoken. He turned on the bedside lamp and gave Ianto an appraising look over.

"That must've been some night mare." Jack rubbed his back and chuckled as Ianto collected himself.

"Better now?"

Ianto nodded. "God that was....... weird." He settled himself back, leaning against the head board.

"You woke me up, for weird?"

Ianto nodded and looked at Jack. "It must my subconscious, worrying about Owen or something."

"How so?"

Ianto fiddled with the edge of the sheet. "Well it..... I woke, it was all nice and sunny and the birds were singing and everything, I mean completely wrong for Wales..... I came into work all happy and cheerful."

"And discovered you were butt naked?"

Ianto smiled. "No, it's.... well I was talking to Owen and we shook hands and then his hand came off and I was standing there holding this hand and he was gaping at me and then I woke up. Maybe I am worrying with this whole dead thing, but he's not likely to have limbs drop off is he?"

Jack thought about it for a moment, gently running his hand over Ianto's thigh, he smirked and grinned at the younger man and Ianto smiled back slightly worried by the leer on Jack's face.

"Just be grateful you weren't dreaming about giving him a blow job."


	42. Chapter 42

**VIGIL......**

The station was in chaos when they got there, with people running in every direction and the police doing their level best to get everyone out of the way. Torchwood stormed through and no one attempted to stop them until a white faced young constable directed them toward a train that was sat a quarter of a mile down the track just past the end of the platform. Jack lead the way, having had the good sense to leave his precious coat in the SUV. Tosh's scanner was gripped in his hand and Ianto and Gwen were close at his heels, Ianto carrying a small modified camera as well as his gun. They had to jump down between the tracks and make the final few yards along the edges of the sleepers. Jack paused checking the scanner and Ianto climbed up in to the first compartment. It was carnage and he had to hold back a heaving of his gut as he stepped carefully over slimy gore and someone's arm. The floor of the carriage was slippery underfoot. He heard Gwen suck in a sharp breath behind him and then Jack was there.

"Jeez. I'm getting nothing on the scanner." He quickly glanced around following Ianto's motions with the camera as it went through every spectrum. Ianto edged forwards past ripped and shredded seats and more blood and body parts. Something squelched under his shoes and Ianto quietly thanked God he was wearing an old pair of trainers. The heat of the day was already beginning to make everything stink with a strong metallic tang. Ianto continued on, the camera held up in front with one hand, his eyes flicking between the LCD screen and where he was going. Jack and Gwen were right behind him, Jack inspecting the scanner again, still nothing.

"It could be long gone by now." Gwen commented.

"Maybe, but we need to get a look at it, some readings so that we can figure out how......."

Ianto opened the door into the next carriage and froze gaping in front of him.

There was a creature there; it could almost be humanoid in shape if it didn't look so alien. It swung its grotesque shiny head, dropping the bloody skull and spine from its grip and appeared to lock eyes with him. Ianto heard a clicking sound and then something was raised and Ianto yelled.

"Get down!"

Light shot towards them. Ianto fell, aware of searing pain in his right shoulder and Jack letting out one single sharply cut off yelp whist Gwen screamed. Ianto rolled to the side raising his gun and shooting repeatedly until he had run out of bullets. He turned realising that Gwen was standing over them doing exactly the same. He then saw Jack, or what was left of him. Ianto baulked for a moment before gathering himself.

"Gwen are we clear?"

She stopped firing. "Shit! Yes, we're clear. It's dead." It was then she noticed Jack. "Oh, God."

Jack's chest was completely open, lungs and organs blown to nothing. "Oh, God Jack....." She knelt at his side and took a limp hand and tears flooded. "Oh, God. Ianto can he survive this, can he?" She looked up into his sheet white face and then realised he was covered in blood, his own blood. Her hand went straight to her com.

"Owen, we need back up now. The alien is eliminated get to the station, Jack and Ianto are down."

It was two hours before Owen finally got Jack and Ianto back to the Hub. Tosh was currently organising the clean up and Jack was still dead as he, Gwen and Ianto lifted his body, slowly on to the autopsy table. Ianto's right shoulder was a charred mess but he had refused treatment being much more concerned with looking after Jack. Gwen was hanging about a worried frown all over her face, she had offered to help but Ianto had waved her off. Owen half wondered if Jack could come back from such an extensive mutilation, but Ianto had assured him that he could. Ianto stripped down the carcass one handed and Owen had helped prepare a sterile dressing to drape over the gaping wounds. Owen had paused to watch for a moment in fascination as he observed the sinews knit themselves back together. Ianto had shoved him away a moment later and covered Jack's chest with the sterile sheet. He then slumped on a stool by Jack's head and waited, one of Jack's hands grasped in his. Owen did not understand.

"Ianto mate let me sort you out."

Ianto shook his head. "Once Jack's ok. He'll need some pain killers, powerful ones."

"He's still dead mate."

"Owen's right Ianto, I can sit with Jack." Gwen interjected somewhat forcefully.

Ianto's gaze remained firmly fixed on Jack's face. "I will stay with him. He'll need me here, not you Gwen. He wakes up before he's finished healing, injuries like this. It's painful for him."

Owen didn't dare ask how Ianto knew that, but he turned to Gwen. "We've got this, why don't you check in with Tosh and see if she needs any help?"

Gwen planted her feet and refused to move. "I'm not leaving Jack." She hissed hoping that Ianto wouldn't hear, he had no right to monopolise the situation, it was her that had brought back Jack last time things had looked this bad after Abbadon.

Owen sighed and briefly glanced over his shoulder at Ianto who was gently fussing with Jack's hair and stroking his face and whispering in what sounded like Welsh, the whole world could have been on fire and Ianto wouldn't have noticed. Owen turned back to Gwen and gripped her arm steering her towards the stairs.

"Jack needs Ianto, not you. Ianto does this every time Jack goes down, now please Gwen go and help Tosh and leave them alone."

Gwen was glaring at him. "I should be here for Jack."

"No you should be here for Torchwood. Ianto can take care of Jack, just fine." He shoved her gently and finally Gwen left, glancing over her shoulder as she went.

Owen paced about the autopsy bay waiting impatiently for Jack to revive. He'd set an IV line ready to go as soon as Jack showed signs of waking up but Ianto steadfastly refused to leave his side so Owen had convinced him to remove his polo shirt so that he could get a look at the wound on his shoulder. The fabric and skin were melted together and Owen had given Ianto a sizable shot of morphine whilst he separated flesh from cloth and then covered the weeping injury with a wet dressing, after that Ianto shooed him away.

"I'm ok Owen, leave it."

He clearly wasn't.

"Ianto...."

"I need to be here for Jack, can you please just...."

Jack sucked in a ragged wheezing breath and screamed it back out. Ianto just gripped his arm bringing his face right next to Jack's.

"It's ok Jack, you're safe. I've got you."

Jack's arms went straight round Ianto's body and Owen shot forward to give him a first dose of morphine. Ianto cradled his head whispering soothingly as Jack cried into his stomach with the pain of his healing. Owen felt distinctly uncomfortable, but watched none the less as Ianto petted Jack's head and whispered and cried with him. Ianto was oblivious to Owen's presence and his own pain. He just held Jack throughout the last torturous hours of his recovery until finally the tears subsided and Jack dozed in his arms. Still Ianto held on and Owen worried. Gwen had ventured in at stood on the upper level for a while, before leaving again and coming back some time later with a cup of tea for Ianto. He didn't notice and it went untouched. Finally Jack woke and eased himself from Ianto's embrace with a shy smile. Owen watched as their eyes met and Jack gently thumbed away the tears from Ianto's pale face.

Their foreheads touched.

"Thank you Ianto." It was whispered against the Welshman's lips. Ianto nodded and closed his eyes.

"Anytime."

Eventually Ianto gathered his resolve to step back and look to Owen.

"Ok, I'm ready now."

Owen sucked in a breath, "Right come on. Jack you ok there?"

Jack nodded suddenly realising what was going on. He reached Ianto back into his arms and held him close.

"Jeez Yan, what did you do?"

Ianto just settled his head on Jack's shoulder. "Didn't want to risk leaving you. I'm ok, really."

Owen was looking extremely unimpressed. "Harkness can I have my patient back please?"

At that point Gwen came rushing down the steps, but she stopped in her tracks when she saw Ianto in Jack's embrace. She smiled hesitantly and then took a pace forwards holding out a clean shirt for Jack to put on. One arm still firmly around Ianto he took it and smiled at her.

"Thanks Gwen."

"Right can you get off the table so I can get Tea Boy sorted, you might have supa dupa healing powers, but he doesn't."

Jack did as he was asked, feeling remarkably good all things considered and he helped Owen settle Ianto on the exam table. Jack tugged on the shirt and took the stool that Ianto had just vacated. Once the buttons were done up he grasped Ianto's hand and looked at him for a moment, before turning to Gwen.

"Has the creature been dealt with? Is the clean up done?"

Gwen nodded. "Tosh is just finishing up now."

Jack returned his attention to Ianto who had been given another dose of morphine, which had knocked him out as Owen got to work.

"Ok. You should go home, touch base with Rhys, it's been a long couple of days."

Gwen hesitated not sure whether it was a dismissal or Jack trying to be kind. It had been a long couple of days, she'd almost lost him and Jack just couldn't see it in her eyes, or maybe he refused to see it. Ever since he'd felt that engagement ring on her finger. Her gaze settled on Ianto, Jack had told her only three days ago that he had come back for the youngest member of their team. Gwen hadn't wanted to believe it, but now realised she had no choice. Ianto could deal with all this, with seeing him die or torn to pieces, he knew what to do and he did it regardless of the consequences to himself. Jack needed someone like that and Gwen realised she couldn't be that person, she needed too much for herself and Jack would never be able to give that much. It was a testament to the strength of Ianto's love. Jack's loyal, faithful foot soldier. It occur to her that one day Ianto would die for Jack and she knew that too was something she could never do.


	43. Chapter 43

**WHAT OWEN DID NEXT**

He was the first to lower his weapon and he shoved it into Gwen's stunned grip before stepping forwards and hurrying to Ianto's side. Owen knelt beside the younger man and quickly assessed him. Ianto had gone into lockdown, his eyes as dead as Lisa's who lay there at his knees. Owen could feel the blood seeping through his jeans and sighed as he tried to decide what best to do. His colleagues were still standing there, he noted Gwen had turned her face away and Jack still had his Webley aimed at Ianto.

"Step away from him Owen."

Owen narrowed his eyes at the dangerous tone of Jack's voice as it echoed around the brickwork. The medic returned his gaze to Ianto and raised a hand to touch him.

"Owen, I gave you an order."

Gwen and Tosh were now looking at Jack, their faces pale with shock.

"Jack, what are you doing?" Gwen asked somewhat hesitantly.

"Protocol 9. Stand aside Owen."

Owen hissed through his teeth and shook his head. "Fuck off Jack." An arm went over Ianto's shoulders and Owen hitched at how thin Ianto felt beneath him. "Come on Ianto.... come mate, up you get."

Ianto was like a stone.

"Owen."

"I'm not letting you shoot him Jack, so just forget it. He needs our help not vengeance."

Long silent seconds ticked by.

Jack clearly deflated and finally holstered the gun. "Get him out of my sight."

Owen nodded and hauled an unyielding Ianto to his feet. "Come on mate, lets get you home."

If Ianto was aware he didn't show it as Owen gently steered him away from the carnage. Jack and Gwen stepped aside to let them through and Tosh followed their departure with a pitying gaze.

It wasn't difficult to move Ianto. He was compliant and silent, staring catatonically into some invisible middle distance that Owen really didn't want to know about. He remembered this pain so clearly written over every inch of Ianto Jones and wondered why he hadn't spotted it earlier. He sighed guiltily as he guided Ianto across the Hub to the garage.

Ianto's flat was a bit of a surprise. It was nice, if a little small, spotless to the point of being sterile. There was a couch in the otherwise empty lounge and Owen sat Ianto down on it and went to investigate the rest of the flat. The kitchen cupboards were empty, as was the fridge. He found a half dozen bottles of caffeine tablets and other less legal stimulants in the bathroom cabinet. At least there was soap and shower gel to hand. He didn't like the idea of washing the Tea Boy but it needed to be done. Part of him wondered why he was bothering. Jack would probably come round later and put a bullet in him anyway.

Staged suicide. Ianto would most likely welcome it.

Ianto was like a doll as Owen undressed him and shoved him under the hot jet of water. He pressed the gel bottle into Ianto's hands and the younger seemed to not know what to do with it, so Owen washed him down. Lisa's blood swirling away into the sewers. Owen took note of the blossoming bruising and sighed, Lisa had done that to the man who was willing to sacrifice the world for her. Love was a terrible, beautiful thing.

Sometime later and Ianto was sitting in PJs and dressing gown on the couch, still staring at nothing. Owen checked his vitals, nothing too concerning there at least.

He went back to the bathroom and flushed all the tablets down the toilet. He went through Ianto's sparse bedroom to check that there wasn't anything else that Ianto could take. He found nothing.

Owen stood at the door to the lounge leaning on the jamb and Ianto hadn't moved an inch, Owen wasn't even sure he hadn't blinked. He didn't know what else to do. He had no words of comfort, he was angry, ashamed and regretful and it was all Ianto's fault. The trouble was Owen understood and he knew full well he would have done exactly the same thing. Shaking his head he left the flat and drove back to the Hub.


	44. Chapter 44

**OBLIVION**

_In that moment Ianto understood what it was to look into a black hole. The event horizon yawned before him and he felt himself being compressed, drowned and pulled apart at the same time. Spacetime opened up inside the cells of his brain splitting them apart. He screamed and the sound was sucked out of his lungs until they turned themselves inside out. Blackness and blinding light swallowed him whole and he broke apart, fractured by the intensity of the gravity well that drew him into the end of existence, the final moments of time itself._

Ianto lurched upright with a whimper and strong hands met his shoulders and held him down. Ianto sagged his strength totally failing him. Another sound escaped his lips and water welled in his eyes blurring the shadows that moved about him.

"It's ok Ianto. You're safe."

Owen.

Ianto squeezed the tears away and hauled in a ragged breath which hitched and made him cough. The pain was unbelievable, another pitiful murmer, his brain overloading and his mouth spewing rapid Welsh as panic gripped him. The hands came back against his skin, they were warm and solid.

"Ssshh, Ianto you're gonna be ok. It's ok."

Jack.

Ianto's eyes snapped open and he gaped at the shadow looming over him. "Jack?"

Something touched his face. "Ssshh. It's ok."

Ianto kicked his legs needing to move. The pain, every nerve burning.

"Jack? Oh God Jack, help me."

"Ianto mate, you need to calm down."

Owen was doing something to his arm. A needle.

"No, no Owen no drugs please no."

He was unable to move and the blackness swallowed him again.

Jack stepped back, heaving out a sigh of relief.

"Shit. What the hell happened?"

Owen got busy with the equipment and worked as he talked. "I've no idea, one minute he was making coffee the next thing he screaming and trying to crack his skull open on the floor. The alarms went off at the same. Tosh is looking into that now, but it looks like something came through the Rift and went straight into Ianto."

Jack and Gwen had been out chasing down a weevil at the time.

"Just give me some time Jack. I need to treat the head injury first before I do anything else."

Jack stepped back suddenly realising his hands were covered with Ianto's blood. He stared down at them for a moment before gathering his composure.

"Keep me posted."

Owen nodded and Jack left the autopsy bay and went to the kitchenette to wash his hands. A few moments later he was Tosh's side as she worked at her terminal. She was clearly rattled by what had happened. Jack rested a calming hand on her shoulder and she paused for a moment.

"Is Ianto alright?"

Jack took the empty chair beside hers and glanced at her monitor. "Not sure yet, Owen's.... well doing his tests. Tell me what you've got."

Tosh sighed. "Nothing came through. Whatever happened Jack, whatever made Ianto do that, it's not here now. There was a huge spike, right here in the Hub, centred on Ianto, it was as if the Rift was emanating from him for a brief moment. I've looked at the CCTV Jack, he just froze the moment the alarms went off and then started screaming and pulling at his head. The rift flare lasted less than a second. I don't understand what happened, what it is he saw or experienced, but whatever it was it must have been terrifying."

Jack leant back into the seat and sighed. "We're so vulnerable, the Rift manipulator should be shielding us from incidents like this, run a total diagnostic, right down to component level and send everything through to my terminal. I'll do a physical inspection to check there's nothing mechanical or electrical at fault."

Tosh nodded. "Ok."

Gwen came up from the cells. "The weevil's in cell two, is there anything I can do?"

Jack offered up a smile. "Could you do a round of coffees please?"

"Of course. How's Ianto?" She was taking off her jacket and inspecting the damage to the sleeve.

"Not so good."

Gwen noted the worried look on Jack's face. "Owen'll fix him, Jack. I'll get the drinks and go and help Owen."

"Thanks."

Jack and Tosh worked well into the night. Owen tended to Ianto's head injuries and sat and watched, waiting for the young man to wake and Gwen resumed normal duties dealing with the normal run of phone calls and paperwork that Ianto usually handled. The rest of the day passed without incident until Jack found the fault, a small burnt out buffer. It was replaced and Tosh modified her diagnostics program to notify her if and when such a fault occur again. Jack was so proud of her and grinned hugely when she had completed the task.

"You're brilliant you know."

Tosh just blushed.

Owen got to his feet the moment he saw the fluttering of Ianto's eyelashes. Uneasy breathes were dragged in as Ianto opened his eyes blinking under the harsh lights.

"Owen?"

"At last, you were starting to worry me Tea Boy."

Ianto tried to smile and realised it hurt and winced instead. "Did I hurt anyone?" He wasn't certain that he hadn't, he remembered hurting some one.

"Only yourself mate, can you remember what happened?"

A spiralling gateway.

Ianto swallowed his eyelids shuttering down for a moment, the water was back.

"My head hurts."

Owen got off his stool and reached for a scanner. "You fractured your skull, it's a miracle more damage wasn't done."

The readings looked ok considering. "Do you know why you tried to smash your head in?"

Ianto blinked and the water ran away over his white face and disappeared into his hair line, he could feel it crawling over his scalp.

"It was too much."

Owen put his scanner back down and lifted Ianto's wrist to feel his pulse, it was slow and thready, almost ready to snap away.

"What was too much?"

Ianto's hand twitched in his grip.

"Time."

Owen could only frown, fearing a state of confusion, brain damage.

"So much time, all of it filling my head at once...... too much." Ianto's blues disappeared again and a slow breath was exhaled, drawn out like the last one in had been taken. Owen glared at the monitors waiting for the crash. Ianto flatlined.

"Shit!"

Owen frantically pulled across the crash trolley and yelled for Jack. Ianto could hear the voices of his colleagues as he slipped deeper into the depths of death. He tried to anchor himself to the sound but the lines snapped away from him. Blackness blanketed him in a soft embrace and suddenly white exploded into his vision. Air forced its way into his tired lungs and he had no choice to exhale..... inhale....exhale.... cough... inhale. The voices returned. Relief.

"Come on Ianto, stay with us."

Owen.

Ianto blinked at him again a sense of deja vue washing over him. The overhead lights reflected in his oceanic eyes, he could see the oceans and had to close his eyes again to shoo them away.

"Ianto?"

Jack.

Jack would be the only one to comprehend, but not now, in millennia to come. Too much time. Too many memories to fit in one head. He let the light back in and saw Jack's shadowed face hovering over his.

"I'm so sorry Jack." He could only manage a whisper but saw the confusion on Jack's face.

"Whatever for, you haven't done anything wrong." The soft accented tones were like a tonic on his raw nerves. Lips brushed at his forehead and Ianto felt warmth surge through him from the point of contact.

"I'm sorry Jack." He was stronger now, his gaze now unwavering as he meet Jack's deep pools of light...... so much life. Too much life. Ianto had seen it all. Absorbed eternity in an instant, every fibre in his being ripped open to...... chaos.

"It's ok Ianto, whatever it is we'll fix it."

Ianto tried to smile because he knew it was all he could do, his life was like a microbe sitting beside Jupiter. He understood forever and shrunk away from it.

"Are the others alright?"

Jack was smiling at him now, warm hands soothing his skin, fussing with his shirt, Owen had ripped it open earlier.

"The others are fine."

Ianto savoured the intimacy because it was rare and beautiful. "I wish I could fix you Jack."

His hand was squeezed and warm breath fluttered over his ear. "You have Ianto, more than you know."

Jack kissed Ianto's cheek and stood back to let Owen get back to his work. He would ask Ianto later about what he had seen and Jack knew deep down he wouldn't like what he heard. He watched as Ianto closed his eyes again. The monitors remained steady.

He sat down on a stool.

Relief.


	45. Chapter 46

**BREATHING THE FALLOUT IN**

The downed space craft had gone nuclear. Unit barely contained the radiation in time, saving Sheffield and the nearby towns and villages, the disaster was averted. But only just. There were casualties, about a half dozen technicians had died who had been working to shut down the leaking drive unit of the ship's propulsion system. All Commander Oodoua could be was grateful that Torchwood and more importantly Captain Jack Harkness had been there with their detailed knowledge of such things. The survivors of the 'incident' had been quickly evacuated to a special holding facility for decontamination, some had been luckier than others. Captain Harkness had died and was now recovering, Toshiko Sato got away with minor burns and a brief low dose of what Harkness had called Hix radiation, Captain Jakes and Ianto Jones had been exposed to a short high level flare, they were critically ill.

Jack remembered with absolute clarity what it had felt like to cook in a soup of radiation and once again he marvelled at his ability to heal and regenerate, back to his 'default settings' as Ianto had once described it. Jack had died three times in his life as a result of radiation exposure. None of those times had been pretty and only one of them had been quick. As soon as he had regained consciousness he had rung Martha Jones and told her to find the Doctor. The downed space craft needed specialist care and the only place with the right anti radiation meds was the Tardis, without treatment Ianto and Captain Jakes were going to die.

The two sick men in question were currently in medical isolation. They were so radioactive that even the UNIT staff had been limited to 3 minutes worth of contact each time they went in. They worked in efficient co-ordination to get their patients hooked to life supporting machinery and anti radiation meds and whatever else they needed, and then they were left alone in a blank white room with only the sounds of their own laboured breathing and the machinery for company. Jack had watched through three layers of lead glass, his shoulders slumped in misery. Gwen was at his side for some of that time, a reassuring hand on his arm. Owen was there too. He had been into the room and though not at risk of dying he still had to limit his exposure to make sure his dead body wasn't damaged by the radiation. He was in there right now, changing Ianto's IV bag and Jack just watched, unable to move as he watched his lover and best friend slowly fade into the black... Hix radiation was cruel like that, death could take weeks and towards the end... it was a terrible way to go.

He touched the glass, praying for the Doctor to come. He made a decision. If Ianto was going to die in there, then he would not be left alone to just slip away. He stepped away and went to find Gwen. She was sitting at Tosh's bedside and the two of them were talking quietly. It was Tosh who looked up first, her face was pale and drawn from her own ordeal but she managed a faint smile.

"Hello Jack."

He drew up a chair. "Hey, how are you doing?"

"I'm alright, will be out of here in a couple of days. How's Ianto?" Gwen hadn't told her much and she noticed the look that passed between Jack and Welshwoman. Jack swallowed down hard and sighed.

"He's dying Tosh, unless the Doctor gets here with the right meds he won't make it. I'm going to go in there and stay with him until it's over."

Gwen shot him a concerned look. "That's dangerous for you Jack."

"I've already proved that I come back without glowing in the dark. I won't leave him in that room like that to die alone and frightened, the decision is made, you'll be in charge until... well until it's over."

He stood up, wanting to get away, wanting to run as far and as fast as he could.

"I'll see you both in a few days."

"Give him our love Jack." Tosh said wiping at her wet face with the back of her hand. Gwen nodded in agreement.

Jack turned and left and then hesitated, he was still wearing the coat that Ianto had given him a few months back, a replacement for the one that had been ripped beyond redemption by a weevil. He shucked it off and passed it to Gwen.

"If I wear it in there it'll have to be destroyed, keep it safe for me?"

She nodded in understanding, he wore that coat in the same way she wore her wedding band.

Jack took a plastic chair into the containment chamber and set it down on the floor beside Ianto's bed. The white faced young man turned his head on the pillow and offered up a smile and Jack looked at him, noticing now that the IV lines had been removed, the monitors were gone. There was just Ianto, some pillows and soft bedding. Jack sighed, they had given up already.

"It's alright Jack." Ianto clearly knew what he was thinking. "I asked for them to take everything away, the noise was keeping me awake and the truth is none of it was making me feel any better."

Jack grasped his hand, which was warm and floppy. "But it will keep you alive, give us more time."

"Delaying the inevitable and wasting everyone's time Jack. I'm going to die on my terms, please don't take that away from me."

Jack sagged resting his head on the covers and Ianto just about managed to life his other hand and rest it on Jack's soft hair.

"The Doctor might come."

"He might not... I'm not afraid Jack."

Jack straightened up and caught Ianto's hand that fell away from his head. Their eyes met, dull blue against churning pacific ocean.

"I know you're not, but I am. This is not your time Ianto, I know in my heart that it isn't, you have to believe that too."

Ianto simply smiled and closed his eyes suddenly so tired. "I love you Jack." He sank into sleep and Jack watched his every breath, both of Ianto's hands gripped firmly in his. Part of him realised that he would sit forever in this place if Ianto died here and he discovered that he was counting every shallow breath that Ianto took, willing the next one to happen.

He lost awareness of the passage time, but every time he opened his eyes Jack was there at his side, watching... Ianto had never felt more loved in his entire short life. He would die with a full heart and no doubt leave Jack with an empty one. He looked at Jack, just looked long and hard and Jack watched him still, a faint, sad up curve of his lips just visible.

"When I am gone Jack, don't be afraid to grieve and let me go. Eternal life has many forms, I will always be watching over you." He whispered through rattling breaths.

Jack touched his cheek and Ianto was too weak to turn into the contact, he'd been vomiting and then dry heaving for the last... Jack said it had been two days.

"I have all this life Ianto, all I want to do is give some of it to you, so that you can live yours. I've tried, I saved you once before and I can't make it work this time. I'm sorry."

The emptiness of his failure was like a chasm.

"It's alright Jack. I know that. Please don't be sad for too long, find someone else. Go be with your Doctor, do anything, just don't be sad." He slid back into darkness and almost forgot to inhale... exhale... inhale. Every minute action clawed at his frayed nerves.

Jack watched as the breathing became laboured and stuttering. Sighing he climbed onto the bed and gathered Ianto into his arms. The younger man was boneless and sagged into the embrace, almost unaware. They slept.

Gwen didn't question Martha, or the strange gawky, handsome man in the brown pin striped suit. UNIT were practically tripping over themselves and Jack was crying with relief. Ianto and Captain Jake woke up in the Tardis six days later, blissfully unaware of the previous week. The Tardis had worked her magic and Jack stood in the console room, his arms wrapped around a coral strut. He didn't know how else to thank her.

The Doctor went as quietly as he had come and by the time Ianto realised that he was in fact alive and well the Time lord had been gone for over a week.

He was sitting up in bed in Jack's quarters, a thinner, paler and completely bald version of his former self. He felt weak as a kitten but Jack had assured him that it would pass, that his hair would come back and his ribs would disappear under a layer padding after a few well placed pizzas had been consumed. Jack was never far away, always watching him, helping him... with every thing, it was humbling and humiliating at the same time. He sat there breathing the fallout in, Jack's love and fierce determination that he should live and he realised that he HAD to live for as long as he could because it would not do for Jack to feel afraid.


	46. Chapter 47

**BLOOD DIMMED TIDE: PART ONE**

The weight in his hand matched the weight in his heart. Ianto shifted it, the cold metal stinging his hot sweaty palm as he changed his grip. It was heavy and uncomfortable, wouldn't sit right in either hand, and Ianto really didn't want to be holding it right now. He had tried to regard the thing as a tool but the bottom line was a gun was designed to kill and in the right hands... well that was questionable... in well trained hands it could kill with one clean shot. The best way to end a life was straight between the eyes or through the back of the head. Ianto was well trained. He found the whole notion of killing distasteful, wasteful, wrong. In his book there was never a reason to kill, not even in self defence.

Torchwood felt differently.

Jack felt differently and after the disastrous trip out to Brecon, here he was, deep underground with a loaded weapon in his damp hand. He looked down at the gun and once again re-settled his grip and sighed heavily.

"You ready Ianto?"

There was an order in there somewhere and Ianto nodded before eventually looking his boss in the eyes. Jack had almost shot him two months previously and Ianto had wanted to shoot him. He never would have, of course, in the same way that he hadn't been able to blow his own brains out the night after Lisa's death.

"Yes, sir."

He turned and faced the targets, relaxed his shoulders and evened out his breathing, one breath, in hale, exhale and repeat deeply and slowly. Ianto raised his arm which was steady as a rock and squeezed the trigger six times. Six headshots and six sentences of death on the hapless paper weevil. He lowered his arm and clicked the safety back on, the clip was released and placed on the table beside him. Ianto heard Jack whistling from behind him.

"Who taught you to do that?"

The target was brought forward for closer inspection.

"Dai Reynolds, he had a BB gun, we used to shoot cans when I was a kid." Ianto replied automatically. Reynolds was serving time for armed robbery now.

Jack was looking closely at the target, three shots had gone through the same hole. It was easy to shoot something made of paper, that didn't move, or breathe and talk back at you.

"You shoot well, but clearly aren't comfortable with having to do it."

"Why would anyone want to be comfortable with firing a gun?"

Jack faced the younger man with a slight smirk. "It's called self interest Ianto. I need you to be comfortable with it. Much as I admire your bravery in head butting your captors to save Tosh, it's kinda better not to incapacitate yourself in the process of trying to escape."

"I wasn't trying to escape." It slipped out before he could stop it and Jack's eyes narrowed.

"So what were you trying to do?"

Ianto placed the gun beside the clips on the table and shoved his hands into his trouser pockets.

"When I saw that room, that kitchen... I just wanted to get Tosh out of there." It was mostly true. "I saw a way out for myself." He added finally.

Jack folded his arms across his chest. "I'm sorry you still feel that way."

Ianto shook his head. "No you're not. I'm no different to those weapons on that table. I'm a tool, Jack, something to be used."

"Is that really how you see yourself?"

Ianto shrugged, he didn't know what he was feeling or what he was thinking. Everything had been as clear as mud since that day in London, his moral boundaries blurred by desperation because his universe had just collapsed around him. He'd been a tool, a tiny cog in the workings of Torchwood One, he'd been... he didn't know what to that half converted thing he had rescued and now he was Jack's toy.

"Ianto?" Jack studied his youngest team member closely, even now his face shadowed with bruising, giving him a somewhat ghoulish cast. He'd never thought of Ianto as an object, someone to be used. He liked Ianto, far more than he was willing to admit, even to himself.

Ianto stood there frozen as if caught in amber and Jack continued to watch.

"Who am I Jack?"

The question surprised him and Jack was forced to shrug. "I don't know Ianto. I'm not sure I've ever seen who you really are, even when we were more intimate you hid yourself, never let yourself go. I'm no nearer to knowing you than I was when you first came here." Maybe that was why he had enjoyed the sex so much, Ianto was not someone who came willingly, who would easily let go and roar out an orgasm.

"Those people were going to eat me, they say when you eat someone, you learn all their secrets, you become them..."

"Superstitious bullshit, and you know it."

Ianto toed at some fluff on the concrete floor. "You should have killed me, why didn't you?"

Jack had no clear answer to that. "You deserved a chance, what you did was brave, misguided and for all the right reasons. I'm glad I didn't kill you. Do you want to die?"

After some time of staring at the floor, Ianto shrugged. "Is this living? This constant nagging in my gut, the feeling that I have to continually look over my shoulder because I can still feel their anger boring into my back? Am I alive when I feel like an empty husk? I don't know who I am anymore, how can you live when you don't know who you are?"

"Then go back to the beginning. You're your Father's son, your mother's child... start from there, you'll find yourself."

Ianto sighed, thinking of all the lies he had built up around himself. "That may be harder than you think."

Jack sighed. "Try Ianto, it's not that hard, you have to stop being so wrapped up in your losses and move on."

"Like you do?" He spat back.

Jack narrowed his eyes. "Don't be stupid Ianto, you're way smarter than that, this isn't about me."

"No it isn't." Ianto looked up and gazed about at everything except Jack. "I should go home, is there anything else you need before I go, sir?"

Jack shook his head. "We will start your combat training in the morning, make sure to bring something comfortable to wear, wouldn't want to ruin that lovely suit of yours."

"With all due respect sir, why are you training me for the field? I was useless out there in Brecon?"

"You saved Tosh, gave her a fighting chance and bought me some time... whether by accident or design. I need you in the here and now, you are more than capable of handling yourself. You really want to spend your life cleaning up and making coffee?"

Ianto rolled his eyes.

"YOU like my coffee."

"Yes, and please God don't stop that but, you have great potential Ianto what you did for Lisa was enough to show me that, you are way smarter than you make yourself out to be, put it to use, give yourself something to take pride in."

"Is that your answer to everything?"

Jack scowled. "I'm trying to help, stop fighting me."

Ianto scowled back. "You talk like you care."

Jack schooled his features straight away. "You are a part of this team, start acting like it, stop distancing yourself. You go about this place like a ghost, you make them edgy because you don't talk, you don't smile anymore... there's nothing Ianto and they need something to let them know that you can be trusted and relied upon. If you can't do that then I have no use for you here."

That was it then, a part of the machinery. He could start from there.

Jack could see it in Ianto's eyes, that depreciation and his heart sank.

"You have a beautiful smile Ianto. Let them see it once in a while. Let them see you for the human being that you are."

The shutters went down and Jack instantly recognised that closed off look.

"Good night, sir." Ianto turned and walked away and Jack let him go. Sighing in the wake of Ianto's departure he turned to stowing the weapons away.

Ianto strode stiffly up to the main Hub and began shutting down for the night. He collected the mugs and loaded the dishwasher and then went around with a rubbish sack and emptied bins and collected the detritus that the Torchwood team had left for the day. Once done he pulled on his over coat and left via the cog door. The tourist shop was locked up behind him as he stepped out into a chilly October night. A quick glance at his watch told him it was almost 2am. Home then and maybe a nightmare or two for company.

Sleep came in the form of three pills. Owen had said to take one, but that wasn't enough.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The Hub was in darkness when Jack came up from the shooting range. Sighing he grabbed his coat and went out, choosing the lift as his exit point. He liked the lift, enjoying looking down on his domain as he left its confines for the rest of the night. He found a convenient lay for a couple of hours and then headed for the roof of the British Gas building to see in the dawn.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Ianto rolled out of his drug induced slumber at 6am precisely. He was always like that, his life so regimented and controlled. It was easier that way, easier now that Lisa was... gone. The fear had been replaced with emptiness and Ianto wondered as he showered if it was grief or some sort of release from the bindings of caring for her... for it... whatever it was she had become. He made coffee and then dressed in his suit only remembering to pack track pants and t-shirt into an overnight bag at the last minute. He didn't want to be trained to fight, he didn't want anything if truth be told. As he stepped through his front door into the outside world he found himself considering the taste of human flesh. He threw his coffee up into the gutter outside his house.

It was some moments before he managed to compose himself and Ianto glanced nervously up and down the road in the hopes that no one had seen him in such a disgusting act.

The Hub was empty when Ianto arrived so after shucking his coat and hanging it up he made his way to the kitchen area and the coffee machine, with a light head and slightly shaking hands he began to empty the dishwasher. He carefully arranged the mugs and glasses in their rightful places, gripping the items tightly for fear of dropping them. A glass shattered in his hand and Ianto winced as red flooded from his palm and dripped over the concrete flooring. The tumbler slid from his grasp and the pieces shattered, scattering noisily around his feet. Ianto lunged for the sink and turned on the tap. A chunk of glass was wedged deep into the flesh of his palm and Ianto stared at it blankly as his blood bubbled down the plug hole with the water.

He failed to notice the sounds of the cog door opening and Owen standing beside him a moment later.

"Oi, Tea Boy what the fuck are you...?" Owen stopped mid tirade, all thoughts of his coffee fix gone the moment he noticed the greyness of Ianto's skin matching his shirt. There was a lot of blood... everywhere. Cautiously Owen stepped into the mess, glass crunching under his feet.

"Ianto mate... here let me help."

Owen slipped into medic mode and carefully reached round Ianto's statue like form and shut off the tap. He looked down seeing that Ianto was holding his bleeding hand over the sink, apparently in a world of his own. Owen wondered how long the younger man had been standing there. Shit. He grabbed a towel and cautiously eased it around both of Ianto's hands.

"Come on Tea Boy, lets get you down to the autopsy bay so I can sort this out."

Ianto was completely quiet and compliant and Owen steered him along and down the steps and even sat him down on a chair next to his computer terminal. It worried Owen no end that Ianto appeared oblivious, almost catatonic so he was very relieved when the Welshman hissed his displeasure at the removal of the towel.

"Ow, shit."

Owen snorted. "Back with me then." He was examining the injury having pulled a lamp down from over head to get a better look. "Sorry mate I'm going to have to give you a local to get that glass out."

Ianto was staring at it as if noticing it for the first time. "The glass, it broke in my hand."

"It's ok mate, won't take long to fix up." Owen sighed. "I need you to take your jacket off so I can take your blood pressure."

Ianto complied, shakily sliding out of the ruined silk wool blend, being careful as he slid his wounded hand along the sleeve. It was dropped to the floor.

"What's going on?" It was Jack who had appeared from his night time wanderings and was standing at the top of the steps looking down on his two team mates.

Ianto looked up and Jack thought he looked like he was about to faint.

"I broke a glass, it just shattered in my hand... maybe I was holding it too tight and I wa..." He sank sideways and Jack bolted down the steps only just in time to help Owen stop him from ending up on the tiled floor. Together they hauled the mostly unconscious Ianto onto the metal exam table. Jack shoved a pillow under Ianto's head and stood back to let Owen do his job.

"I found him standing by the sink with his hand bleeding, he seemed a bit out of it. It's probably shock, but I suspect he's been overdosing on the sleeping tablets I prescribed. Give me a while to sort him out and run some tests, there's a mess by the coffee machine if you want to be useful."

Jack gaped at his medic. "And the boss around here is?"

Owen arched an eyebrow, but didn't look up as he worked on Ianto. "You are, but the cleaner boy here is in no position to clean and I wouldn't guarantee the kind the reaction you'd get if you ask Tosh or Gwen to clean up."

Jack shook his head. "Ok, keep me posted."

"Will do and put some coffee on will ya?"

Jack was shaking his head as he made his way out of the autopsy bay.

Ianto lay there, compliant and feeling somewhat drunk as he watched through hazy eyes. Owen was moving around him, then there was pressure on his left arm, cold on his chest and he was rolled onto his side for more cold on his back. Ianto knew somewhere in the fogginess that passed for his brain that he should understand what was going on... Owen's face came into view.

"How many sleeping pills did you take last night?"

Ianto blinked at him and ran his tongue around his mouth. "Errr... three. I took three."

Owen cursed. "You twat, no wonder you're in magic mist, what time did you take them?"

"2am."

Owen glanced at his watch, it was now just past 0830hours, technically Ianto should still be asleep. He turned his attention to Ianto's injury and got to work. Ianto dozed off and began to snore very loudly.

His job done, Owen left Ianto to sleep under a thermal blanket on the autopsy bench. He ambled up to Jack's office and discovered that Gwen and Tosh were already there. Three pairs eyes turned toward him and Owen found himself feeling mildly disconcerted by the attention, his gaze met Gwen's and she dipped her chin a blush colouring her cheeks and that made Owen grin as he stepped into the room.

"How's Ianto?"

Jack was nursing a mug of substandard coffee.

"He's asleep, the cut to his hand was pretty deep but no lasting damage has been done. His blood work indicates he's been taking too many of the sleeping pills I prescribed so when he wakes up I shall go back with him to his house and take them all away." Owen perched his arse on the edge of Jack's desk.

"He'll be fine after a few days rest."

Jack was looking thoughtful. "I think Brynnblaidd affected him pretty badly and I am certain he is not over what happened to Lisa."

Tosh folded her arms and sat forward in her chair. "How can he be over it? How do you get over what happened? Jack he barely survived Canary Wharf, then he had to care for Lisa alone, then she died and finally, to top it off a bunch of freaks in the countryside tenderise him ready for a casserole. How is he still sane?"

"You're right Tosh, of course. Ok Owen, keep me posted."

Owen nodded. "I was going suggest we send Ianto for some psycho therapy but I guess that's out of the question."

Jack was frowning at the mug in his hand, wondering whether or not Gwen had been trying to kill him with its contents.

Jack shrugged.

"Personally I think you should Retcon the poor bastard and cut him loose." The medic continued receiving a glare from Tosh for his efforts.

"No aside from the fact that the Retcon would likely not take, those kind of high doses are unhealthy at best and I don't feel right about sweeping him under the proverbial carpet."

"Then find him someone to talk to." Owen responded firmly.

Jack nodded, knowing full well that that person would have to be him. "I'll sort it."

Owen had his doubts.

"But it I also want the rest of you to make more of an effort with him. I know that is easier said than done after what happened with Lisa, but right now he needs our support not our anger so any bad feelings you have on the matter then you put them aside."

"I forgave him the day it happened Jack." Tosh said, slightly hurt that he thought otherwise. "Remember what I did for my mother, I am in no position to judge him. He loved her and there was no way he was in a state to think to think rationally about what he was doing."

Owen and Gwen were nodding with agreement.

"I may not like him that much, but I don't blame him Jack, I know I would've done the same." Owen sighed thinking of Katie and wishing he wasn't.

"Then tell him that, not me." Jack instructed. "Now if you don't mind I have paperwork that needs doing and I am running out of excuses to avoid it."

**AN: This is completely pointless and random but I was experimenting with the title and trying to gain some meaning from it... Experimenting again... never good really... Anyway as this has no point let's dub it a missing scene thing so I can get away with it. Uhmmmmm...**


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